Conflicted

Chapter Eighteen

*Chase's POV*

Art class went on for what seemed like forever, but eventually, the bell rang. I rushed to grab my things so we could make our way to English. I look over and notice Jonah still sitting in his seat. "Aren't we going to go?" I ask, feeling a little impatient. "I like to wait for the crowd to leave," Jonah admitted sounding embarrassed. I guess he doesn't like crowds. "Fair enough, but aren't you worried about being late?" I ask a little concerned. "Mr. Davis isn't here today. You boys have a free period." Auntie Jenn chimed in from behind her desk. "What does that mean?" I asked, confused. "We have the period to work on things that need to get done. Most students typically go to the library when they are given a free period." Jonah answers matter of factly. "I'm guessing when you say most students you're implying that you don't." Jonah nodded, answering my question. "I have a meeting, but you're free to stay here if you'd like."

Auntie Jenn says. I notice Jonah smile lightly. "That would be wonderful, thank you," Jonah says softly. Auntie Jenn nods and heads out of the class, leaving Jonah and me alone. I sigh and slowly sit back down next to him. This school is so weird. I don't understand why they would randomly give a free period I doubt anybody actually uses it to get work done. "What's the point of having a free period on the second day of school?" I question. "Mr. Davis's daughter is pretty sick. She has been for a while now. He can't always be here to teach his classes; that's why he typically hands out detailed assignments that take a while to complete. He gave us one yesterday, didn't he? That's something that could be worked on during a free period." Jonah said. I nodded before flipping through the pages in my English textbook until the paper outline fell out.

I sigh while looking through it. This thing looks like a lot of work. "I don't really want to work on this right now," I admitted. "Then, work on your art assignment," Jonah suggested. I look down towards the sad cat scribbles in my sketchbook and frown. I worked on this for an entire period and barely got anything done. "I get the feeling you really don't like schoolwork," Jonah says, chuckling softly. Catching me a little bit off guard. I couldn't help but smile lightly. "Melody is the one with all the brains. I've never really been good at school. I try, but I always end up with terrible grades. It's a little discouraging honestly." I admitted. My grades also suffered because dad would rip up my assignments after I finished them, but this probably isn't the best time to bring that up. I feel like he's too hard on himself. "If you need help, you can always ask. We have all the same classes, after all."

Jonah offers. "Really?" I asked, slowly looking back up at him. "Isn't that what friends are supposed to do? Help each other?" Jonah said. I couldn't help but sigh. I don't deserve all the kindness Jonah is giving me. If anything, he should have just turned his back on me. Wouldn't he instead get even? "You've done so much for me already just by allowing me to be your friend again. I don't want to bother you with my stupidity," I said with a frown. "If I thought to help you would be a burden I wouldn't have offered in the first place. Where's the confident Chase I used to look up too?" Jonah asked. His soft green eyes looking into mine. I haven't been confident in years. I wish it wasn't that obvious, though.

Am I letting Jonah down if I'm not the same person he used to know? "I'm nothing but an empty shell of my past self," I say sadly. Jonah frowns as well. He looked like he was thinking about something. Before I have the chance to ask Jonah what he's thinking about, I feel his hand slowly grab mine." If you were nothing but an empty shell, you wouldn't feel sadness; you wouldn't feel anything," Jonah says softly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I couldn't help but smile. I knew Jonah felt nervous because I could feel his hand shaking lightly against mine, but he pushed past it to try and make me feel better. I hope Jonah understood how much his simple gesture meant to me. "Thank you," I say softly. Jonah smiled and slowly pulled his hand away from mine. I couldn't help but frown at the cold spot. "What's wrong?" Jonah asked, looking at me. I simply shrug and look down towards my sketchbook once more. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind," I say. I hear Jonah sigh softly. "You can talk to me if you want too. I'm not going to judge you. I want to tell him but I can't not right now. Jonah needs me to be strong; he doesn't need a broken person in his life; it wouldn't be fair to him. Jonah deserves better than that. I want him to be happy, and he can't be happy if I'm sad around him. "Chase?" Jonah says with a worried tone pulling me from my thoughts. I watch as he reaches over and gently wipes a tear from my cheek. I didn't realize I had started crying. "Talk to me," he said softly. "When you left, I realized that your friendship was the only light in my life. I realized that too late, though, because I had already hurt you. I was a terrible friend. I still am." Jonah stayed silent for a few minutes before breaking the silence with a soft sigh. "I can tell there's more that you don't want to talk about, and that's okay. There are things that I'm not ready to talk about either. How about for now we try and put the past behind us so that we can focus on forward together." I felt myself blush lightly. I don't know how Jonah can remain so sweet and kind after everything he's been through. "W-would a hug help?" Jonah asked shyly. Did I hear him right? He's asking me if I want a hug. I couldn't help but smile. "Sure," I say quietly before I feel Jonah gently wrap his arms around me. I feel a fuzzy feeling in my stomach is this what it feels like when you start to fall in love with someone?