Conflicted

Chapter Fifteen

* Jonah's POV*

I leave the house and look at the car nervously. I feel stupid for being so nervous, but I can't help it. I know deep down in my heart that Chase won't hurt me again, but I can't stop my mind thinking otherwise. "Good morning!" Chase's voice rang out, pulling me from my thoughts.

"There's a spot for you upfront with me." I slowly nod and get into the passenger side of the car. "Good morning! I'm Melody." A voice behind me chimes. I turn around in my seat to face the person the soft voice belonged too. It was a girl with long black hair and bright blue eyes. This must be Chase's sister. I didn't know siblings of different genders could look so alike, but Melody proves that they can. "G-Good morning," I say softly, failing to mask my nervousness. I turn back in my seat to face forward.

I wonder why he never mentioned his sister before in the past. Maybe it just wasn't something that came up in conversation. I never asked much about his family when we were kids. I look over at Chase, who's begun driving. "T-Thanks for t-the ride," I say, not wanting to seem ungrateful. "It's no problem. I can come to pick you up for school anytime you want, just ask." I nod and look out the window. I wish I was better at coming up with conversations, but talking to people really isn't my strong suit. Plus, I don't really want to bother Chase and Melody. I watch as the houses pass by us. I know it's not really a long drive to school from my house, but I honestly wish the ride lasted a little longer. "Well, we're here," Chase says softly.

I frown, looking at the big building across from the parking lot. Melody quickly gets out of the car. "See you later, Chase! I have to meet up with my friends to finish up a few homework questions. Nice meeting you, Jonah I'll see you around." How does she already have friends? It's only the second day of school. Didn't they move here? I sigh softly. I suppose some people are just better at connecting with people. I think I'm just a magnet for pain. "Are you okay?" Chase asks softly, pulling me from my thoughts. I slowly turn to face him. Do I tell him the truth? That I'm scared to go in because no matter what I do, Elias will find me? I mean, I guess he already knows I'm being bullied, so I can't really lie. "I-I don't want to go i-in," I say, feeling ashamed. I didn't want to admit that I was scared to go to school. I want to be stronger than I am, but I know that's impossible.

I notice Chase frown before he responds. "Is it because of that jerk from yesterday?" I nod and look down, feeling nervous about Chase's potential reaction. "I won't let him hurt you, I promise," Chase responds, sounding confident. I look up to face him once again and notice that he's holding his pinky out just like when we were kids. I slowly link my pinky with his. I felt my cheeks get a little warm. Am I blushing? Why? This is just a stupid childish gesture, so why am I reacting this way, "Come on, let's go in." Chase says before slowly pulling his pinky away from mine. I nod and get out of the car to follow him in. I can't help but think back to the past. "If they see me talking to you at school, they'll start picking on me too! I don't want to be a target, and you make me a target!" Chase's past statement replayed in my head. I try to shake the thought away, but my mind keeps going back to it. He knows everything now and says he still wants to be my friend again, and in my heart, I believe him, so why can't my mind follow along.

"Jonah?" Chase says softly, pulling me from my thoughts. I guess I stopped walking when I started overthinking again. "S-Sorry," I say, looking down. I hear Chase's footsteps slowly make their way back towards me before he gently takes my hand. I look up at him, feeling a little confused. "I'm not scared of what people think anymore." He said softly. How did he know that's what I was thinking about? Is Chase secretly a mind reader? I pull my hand away, feeling conflicted. I want to believe him, but he's changed his mind before. Chase always told me when we were kids that he'd still be there when I needed him, but when I really did need him, he abandoned me. "Why not? I haven't changed since elementary school. I'm still the same person who gets bullied for the same reasons, so why is it different now?" I ask, getting a little defensive. Chase frowns, sighing softly. I instantly felt terrible for being so harsh. I knew Chase was trying to make things up to me, but I keep throwing the past back in his face. "When I moved in with my dad, he made me doubt myself. He was very good at manipulating what I thought about myself and the people around me." Chase looked down sadly before continuing. "When I started school with you and saw how the other kids treated you, it scared me. It also cemented the things my dad told me. He always told me the world would mistreat me for the way that I was, and I saw that first hand with you. I know it doesn't excuse the way I treated you back then, but it is only fair for you to know the reason." Chase finishes sounding defeated.

One thought came to mind from Chase's story, and I couldn't help but say it out loud. "Wait, you're gay?" I asked, confused. Chase nodded, still looking down. Was he ashamed of himself? "Why didn't you tell me?" Chase sighed. "I haven't told anyone until right now. My dad figured it out and hated me because of it, so I was scared to tell anyone else. I figured if something like that could make family hate you, it wouldn't stop it from making everyone else hate you." Things were starting to make sense to me now. I always assumed Chase stopped being my friend because he didn't want to deal with the bullying. I was still right about that, but there was more to the story. Chase looks up with a soft smile.

"I promise I'm not scared anymore. I don't care what people think you are, my friend and nothing is going to change that." I can't help but smile back at him and nod. "We should probably head into the school and get our stuff before class starts," Chase says, looking down at his watch. I sigh softly. I don't really want to go in, but I do feel better knowing that I have someone by my side. "Can I-I put my stuff in your locker?" I ask nervously. I don't know why I felt so nervous asking that question. It was simple, but Chase might think it's a weird question.

Chase shrugs, "Sure, we have all the same classes anyway, but do you mind me asking you why?" He said, looking at me. "Because Elias always waits for me by my locker, and I don't want to face him so early in the morning," I admitted. Chase nodded. "Let's head to my locker then," Chase says with a smile before walking into the school. I follow behind him, looking around at all the other students. Some of them gave confused looks when they noticed I was walking with someone, but I tried my best to not think about it. I don't want my thoughts to ruin a potentially good day.