Melancholy - poem

You Are Wrong

Thoughts
Are like the underground of the city
Beneath the sewer lines and the pipelines of the city
Lie the things nobody will ever find
That makes the brain of yours go tick tock.
The thoughts run free
Word after word builds into your mind
Like a library with too much books
That would pile high into the sky if you let it.
Ignorance is key because if you didn't
You would be in a world of hurt
As your reality disappears
And your mind welcomes you into deception.
It's scary when your mind becomes the dagger
And your the victim waiting for it to stab you
It starts out weird
First your second guessing the test answers
That should have been drilled into your head
But the opportunity for failure
Is something that overdrives you
It swerves your brain and makes you think
If you get this wrong your whole life is over.
Then you start to care what other people think
Your mind uses white out to cover over the mistake
It thinks that is you
as you get written off like a expired barcode
preyed upon in society.
But your thoughts are hungry
It takes granted of what you already have
Making you feel like nothing is ever enough.
They say the sky is the limit right?
Got to dig deeper into the earth
Your a cheetah running across oceans
But instead your getting close to the cliff
You swear is calling out your name.
So you cut your hair,
Add more makeup
Clean yourself up
Wear what they wear.
Your running towards the cliff
you think is the sparkly pink ribbon
To your salvation.
But then you learn it does not make you happy.
Your face smiles happiness
While the inside is death.
Everything has become unclear
You question every single part of you
Lining up what makes you special
Sending it straight to the dump.
And it all started because of what they said
Your getting bullied because you are different
So you become inhuman.
You hide everything away
Lock it in a cabinet safely away
From the predators trying to steal
What seems like a block of cheese to them
But it's actually your heart
they are holding in their hands.
From there it stems to anxiety and depression
Your constantly battling yourself
Scared to walk through the doors of school
To see them gawk at you.
Rubbing your arms,
feeling your shoulders stay rigid,
With your stomach in a knot
that will never seem unwind.
You try to shout for help
but they never seem to hear you
And when they do, they don't believe you
Shutting you down for what seems like a child
Playing tattle tail.
It was your last cry
They told you " just get over it"
"It doesn't matter"
"You didn't have it as bad like other people"
Then up came the cliff
You looked down
The wind caught up in your chest
Making it hard to breath
with tears coming down your cheeks
That used to lift upward as you smile in a way that made some stop to admire.
But today you gave up
The darkness pushed in and you gave in
You think there isn't anything left to do
Life does not abide by the rules of a child
You begin to feel defenseless, powerless,
and most of all alone.
You think of your last breath
As you live in the dream of killing yourself
But that almost didn't seem right
It didn't give you the satisfaction
When your bully would be pretending
That they were your best friends
Throwing flowers over grave
Nicer to you then you were even alive.
From there you walked away from the ledge
Pictured every single person
who has shaped your life
It didn't make sense to you
If you lost your purpose
To make the world better
Nobody would fulfill what needs to be fixed
For what you see that they don't.
You dreamed of their faces of every friend,
Teacher, and loved one
With tears running down their face
No, you said in your mind.
No
You die and everyone grieves over you for a day
Then in a month everyone moves on
Not because they want to but they have to.
So instead you take every single
Trauma riddled, painful memory
and made it into gold.
If you could get through that
you can get through anything.
So you picture your bullies face angry
Because you proved him wrong.
You are not ugly
You are not stupid
You are not weak
You are not something people can bring down
Because you did not break
You are not different
But unique
And every single word, threat, abuse being thrown
At you
You scream
You are wrong
"Because I am a survivor"