"Positive" •a 16 & pregnant story• (complete)

For the first time in forever

It gets better.

That's what they say. Supposedly time heals things, but time is not a band aid let alone a healing salve. It will heal, not because of time though. Time makes it hurt more. It makes me rethink every mistake I've ever made, reopening the wound, forbidding it to heal.

The obstacles that you overcome help, they give you a reminder that you are alive. The pain of the wound, the bitter cold breezing into it, reminds you that you can still feel, you are still human. Alive.

I sit in my room. On my ex-comfy bed. The memories that were placed here fill my mind. The night me and Rylan tried to watch a movie but the love which is now I assume is dead, stopped us from watching it.

The night he kissed my stomach, embracing the reality that in the near future he would have been a dad.

The time we laid here thinking long and hard about the baby's name, staring at the beautiful ultrasound I now have in my hands.

I stare at it. It was beautiful. Pure beauty. I didn't know a picture could hold so much joy and love. I wished I could go back. Not have been so nosey and shouldn't have listened to Rylan's conversation. Shouldn't have drove, shouldn't have sped. Should have pushed harder on the brake pedal. Should have tried harder.

If I tried harder would Rylan have even stayed? Or would he had left like my dad?

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"Jamie please come out of your room, You have been in there for 3 days." My grandma said as she knocked on the door.

I didn't answer. I didn't want to eat, sleep, dream, talk, even interact with the human race.

I was stuck. Time was moving fast and I was being held back. The world was changing around me and couldn't change with it. I was stuck.

I wanted everything to be perfect again. The way it use to be. I still remember the last day of school, the morning when I phoned Rylan. Everything seemed perfect it was amazing. The walls I built around myself were being torn down brick by brick exposing the true nature of the situation. My life.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

It was raining. I sat on my bed and looked out the window. It was about 8:30 pm but I was too lazy to check the specific time. I have been in this position for a while now. I watched as the small rain drops slid gracefully down my window sill. They looked as if they were racing each other. The grey/black sky made a reflection onto the raindrops creating a certain type of beauty. A mysterious beauty.

Raindrops slid down that grass that must had been cut about 2 weeks ago seeing as it had been growing out quite a bit. The drops on the green leaves were black because of the reflection, creating a different kind of beauty once again, this one more calming.

My vision unfocused creating a blurry scene. I looked away closing my eyes, realizing I haven't blinked in a while. I looked down at the carpeted floor beneath my feet. It was strange who decided to carpet there floors but really, a helpful invention.

I looked up.

Black high tops shiny with water that had wiped onto his shoes after he had walked through the ever so calming grass. Black skinny jeans, looking heavy with water, sticking to his long legs. His red plaid shirt thrown over a grey loose muscle tank, soaked with rain that fell heavily from the grey large clouds. His hair, blonde, which now looked dirty blonde due to the water. It flipped over his face, dripping with rain. A small smile perched up on his face as he made a goofy expression towards me, then flipping his hair like a dog, water spraying everywhere. He mouth the word "hi" slowly as he smirked his ever so sexy smirk. Before I knew it a smile had filled my face and a laugh escaped my lips,

for the first time in forever.