Hush// A Swan Queen AU

They

Emma's POV

        I listened to the sound of my heart beating slowly inside my body, too slowly. I could feel it hitting my chest with each thump it made... it was strange. It felt like I was stuck inside my own head, my own skin; it was a very claustrophobic feeling, and I certainly didn't like it.

        I tried to open my eyes, move my arms and legs, but it was no use. Was I glued down? Was someone holding my eyes shut? Well, me... I was, or, my brain was for that matter. I tried to focus, really focus.

        I smiled to myself, at least in my head I did. I heard her voice, soothing me, telling me that It would all be okay. Her voice was shaky, tear-filled, and I began to notice the wetness on my cheeks and forehead. Not my tears, but hers.

        I fought and I struggled as I tried to move my hand and connect it with hers, I wanted to so badly. I wanted her to know that I was listening, but I just couldn't reach her. I couldn't feel anything.

        I sighed heavily, at least I think I did. I don't necessarily believe in god, but I wish that who or whatever is up there, would give me a goddamn break. Things were so close to going back to normal, or normal for me anyway, and here I am, unconscious from smoke inhalation. Just lovely.

        Even worse, my amazing, beautiful, fantastic, extraordinary girlfriend, has to go through this all over again. Sometimes I think that all of this crap happening to me has been harder for her than it has been for me. I am the person closest to her in life, and she has to watch me suffer, over and over again.

        I feel something bubble up inside me. Anger? Sadness? I'm not sure. I really just want to scream, scream as loud as I can, but I also just want to break down and start crying. I've had a lifetime of pain, of being put through the wringer, and I've gotten used to that, I've come to terms with it.

        But when Regina, Regina with a good life and a good job, who deserves everything good, has to deal with my baggage. When she has to go through all of the same pain I do, it just makes me so angry, so angry I don't even know how to describe it.

        She doesn't deserve any of this, it's stressful, and it's devastating, and it's expensive, and it's difficult. But, Regina goes through it anyway, and she stays with me, she holds my hand, and she accepts that her life is harder now, harder than it should be.

        I really can't deny the thing I've known since I first fell in love with her, she would be so much happier without me. I know she would, but it's just too hard for me to think about. It's hard for me to accept that I am the reason she is this sad.

        I dragged all of my baggage into our relationship and then I dumped half of it on her shoulders, and deep down, I think she knows it too. Even if she's too afraid, or too stubborn to believe it. We both know I should let her go, and stop her suffering.

        I try to tell myself that it's okay, even though I know it isn't okay, it isn't okay at all. I know I should let her go, I know that I'm the reason for her sadness. But I'm just too selfish to do it, because... Regina? She's the reason for my happiness.

        Her, me, and Henry, we're like a little dysfunctional family, and I love both of them so much. I'm just afraid that something is going to happen to our family, and if it did, I don't think I'd be able to handle that. No, I know that I wouldn't be able to handle that.

        If I lost everything that I finally have, my soul sister Ruby, my two best friends in the whole world August and Belle, my son Henry, and Regina Mills my true love, I know I wouldn't be okay. I would spiral back down into my dark abyss of loneliness and depression that Regina pulled me out of.

        After that? Well, I don't know. I think I might try something that I would really regret, and that's why I need these people more than anything. Especially Regina and Henry, because they are the ones who brighten my mood.

        They are the ones who hold me up, make me stronger, make me happy. They are the ones who make realize that I am loved and that I can love back. They are the ones that remind me that I have something to live for. They are the ones who are always there for me, and I couldn't bear it if anything changed.

        So, to whoever is up there, to whatever higher power decides my fate (if there even is one) please let me make it through this...

A/N

Hey guys, I'm finally back with the 22nd official chapter of this book, 25th if you include the authors notes (973 Words) I know that this chapter is shorter than the ones that I usually write, and I'm really sorry I haven't updated any of my stories in so long. I've just been so busy with school, and my schedule has been insane lately, so I haven't had time. Anyway, all the schools in my state have been shut down for the next three weeks due to COVID-19 (Coronavirus) So I will have time to update all of my stories. Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you all enjoyed! Love you guys! Bye! <3<3<3

-Avalon