Not the Villain - The Evil Queen's Retelling of Snow White

23 Years, Eight Months and 18 Days Ago

23 years, eight months and 18 days ago:

I ran blindly through the darkening streets, oblivious of where I was trying to go, only knowing that I had to get away, get as far away as possible from that damned castle. I couldn't take it anymore. Why was this happening to me? I deserved Casimir more than anyone else in this kingdom, so why didn't I have him? Why was he not mine, and mine alone?

I slowed down. I was lost, I had no money, nowhere to go. People on the streets were jostling past me, not seeing anything, compelled by something deep in their hearts to go back to where they belong. What about me? Where did I belong? Not in Casimir's palace. Not in my childhood home. I didn't belong anywhere, not in this world. You should die. That's what you deserve. That's your only option left.

My thoughts threatened to suffocate me, and I shut my eyes tightly, hoping I could just wake up from this nightmare. I could feel myself drowning in despair, my breathing began ragged and heavy, and the world swam before my eyes. I glanced around, not looking for anything. I couldn't breathe. There were too many people. I picked a direction and continued on, staggering and stumbling more than running, pushing against the crowd. Run. Run. Run! The crowd thinned, and I ran on aimlessly, just to have something to do. Bile rose up to my throat, and blackness flitted at the edge of my vision. Die. Just die. It's the easiest way... I wanted to. I was bruised and defeated. This life was worse than death anyway.

At last, I tripped, I fell onto my hands and knees, I couldn't get up. The first fat droplets of water fell from the sky, and then it started pouring, freezing particles biting into my skin. I tipped my head up towards the sky and cried, letting the rain-- or were they tears?-- flow down my face while I wept uncontrollably.

The sobs slowly turned into one continual scream. I screamed my heart and soul out, because if there was nothing left, there would be nothing left for me to feel anymore. The scream turned into a laugh, I was laughing because I had no home, I had no one, there was nothing left for me in this world.

Who am I? My mother was dead, my father was worse than dead. My sister was gone, my only friend was gone, my lover had left. I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't have a favourite colour. I didn't have dreams, or hopes, or fears. All I had were memories, memories I didn't want, and a name, an empty name with only what's left of me to go with it. Not a person anymore, just a name. A shell.

My name is Amethyst. I laughed until the last of my energy drained away and the world faded into darkness.