Not the Villain - The Evil Queen's Retelling of Snow White

14 Years, Six Months and Three Days Ago

14 years, two months and three days ago:

"Snow White?" I thought I heard her voice, incoherent. What is that girl doing in the dungeons? I walked towards her, taking extra care not to make too much sound on the stone floor. I peeked from behind the wall, taking in her small five-year-old body squatting on the ground. 

"What are you doing, Snow White? Get off the filthy floor!" I called. She froze, as if she was pretending she wasn't there. "Come on, I promise I won't be mad, but we have to get you cleaned up before the ball tonight!"

Slowly she turned around, and the sight made my blood run cold.

She turned around and smiled, showing the gap in her front teeth. In her hands were the barely-recognisable remains of a bloody rat, its guts spilled out all over her dress in a scarlet, gunky mess. She had torn a rat into two halves with her bare hands.

"It was being noisy," She said, no hint of remorse in her childish voice nor her large eyes.

 I clamped a hand over my mouth and ran, my shattered heart crying out for her. My daughter, oh, my evil demon daughter. 

14 years, one month and 19 days ago:

I looked around, but there was nothing to see in the dense fog. I started walking forward, noticing the damp grass against my bare feet. Then I saw a break in the fog, and the faint outline of a delicate figure in a familiar lavender dress. 

"Mother?" I breathed, but she didn't hear me. I started towards her, then broke out into a run, but she didn't get any closer. I ran faster and faster, so impossibly fast that the world around me was a blur, but she always stood in the same spot in my vision, unmoving. Then I tripped, and the world came crashing down. When I looked up my mother was there, but there was no hint of the comforting smile on her face.

"You betrayed me!" She screamed, her eyes usually so full of life were blank, dead. "You left me to die!" I flinched in shock and hurt. 

Then the world spun, and when it righted, Ronnie stood before me instead of my mother. She glared at me with so much hatred that I winced."I hate you! It's all your fault that I died! The poison was meant for you, but you gave it to me. YOU MURDERED ME!"

The world spun again, and Ronnie turned into Snow White. She squatted there, innocently, with her back against me. Then she turned around, with the dead rat in her fists, and she pounced at me, with fangs bared, her fingers turned into claws, and her eyes glowing bright red.

She passed through me and disappeared, and then standing there, was Evelyn. "Look at you," She sneered, "Pitiful, alone, broken. Do you know why? Because you're evil, lovely. You. Are. A. Villain."

Once again the world spun, and Evelyn became Emerald. I looked at her through the tears in my eyes. She reached her kind hand towards me... and she crumbled from the sickening blow of a candlestick to her head. "NO!" I screamed, turning towards her attacker. I recognised the man I once called father, but when he twisted around he was Casimir. I was overcome with an unimaginable, uncontrollable fury, and a dagger appeared in my hands. I ran at him, silent, and without thinking I raised the dagger, and pierced it towards his heart... 

I woke up screaming just as the dagger was about to touch his skin. I looked down in horror, half-expecting my hands to be slick with blood, Casimir's blood. But of course it was dry, clean, bloodless. 

I remembered Dream-Evelyn's words, tasting them like blood in my mouth.

Look at you, pitiful, alone, broken. Do you know why? Because you're evil, lovely...

I shook my head. No. No. I buried my face into my pillow and wept. Stop. I just want it to stop. Stop caring. Stop hurting.

You. Are. A. Villain.