Not the Villain - The Evil Queen's Retelling of Snow White

23 Years, Five Months and 20 Days Ago

23 years, five months and 20 days ago:

"This is a crystal ball." Veneficia announced, dropping a heavy sphere onto the desk in front of me.

I looked at it. It wasn't really impressive, just a murky, black ball on a stand. Sunlight streamed in from the open window and kissed the fabric of the peasant clothes I was wearing. I shivered at a draft of cold air as I stared at the crystal ball's smooth skin, absorbing the light and not giving anything back, like a hole.

For the last few months I had been camping in her hut, which was at the very boundary between the village and the forest. Needless to say, few ever strayed here unless asking Veneficia for something, and that had only happened twice in the three months that I had been here. Her hut consisted of one room with a bed, a small kitchen, a cauldron in the corner, a wall of shelves (filled with strange objects that I was warned not to touch) and books piled everywhere. Almost every surface was covered with mountains of books. We managed to clear out a space large enough for a mat, which served as my bed.

Though a far cry from the finery I was accustomed to, I rather enjoyed this life. I would spend most of the mornings doing chores for Veneficia: dusting, cleaning, mopping, feeding the cat. After that I would be curled up with a book, and in the afternoons I would gather herbs in the forest with her, or run an errand to the market, or watch her brew a particularly interesting spell. I had also learned a number of interesting things during the last few months. Like how to brew a shrinking potion. And how to curse someone so that their children would have warts from head to toe for generations. And-- I found this the most interesting of all-- the art of hypnosis. I thought back to the blank look in Casimir's eyes I had grown accustomed to.

I frowned and wiped it from my mind. I was living in another world now, so there was no reason I had to bring that life into this one. It was easier to forget.

I turned my focus back to the ball squatting in front of me. This morning Veneficia had declared that she deemed me ready for the art of Seeing. "It's easy, I'm sure you'd get it in no time at all. Alright, I shall leave you here. There is an important errand I need to go on today. I trust you should find crystal-gazing a straightforward task. Oh, and if anyone knocks, don't answer. Pretend no one is home." With that, she hobbled out the door.

I stared at the door, which was swinging squeakily on its hinges. Onyx climbed into my lap, purring, and rubbed his dark head into my stomach. "I guess it's you and me now."

I turned my attention to the crystal ball. Try as I might, I simply couldn't decipher any images from its dark, cloudy surface. For a while I turned it over in my hands and squinted at it. It was heavier than I expected. "It's no use." I groaned at last. I thought back, trying to think of the last time Veneficia used it. I had a vague impression of her glaring at it while muttering something as I was falling asleep several weeks ago, but I couldn't quite remember.

Maybe there was a spell you had to say. No, if that was the case, surely Veneficia would've told me that instead of leaving me to my own devices.

I tried looking at it while concentrating on a particular place. I tried Casimir's palace, the market in the village, the bedroom where I grew up, but as much as I glared at the ball, it wouldn't show me anything.

"Ugh!" I was tempted to throw the ball. "Why don't you show me my room already?"

"Please?" I added for good measure.

A room swam into view. Mine. Shocked, I almost dropped the ball.

I almost laughed aloud at myself. Veneficia had told me it was straightforward, after all. Of course all I had to do was ask.

Does the ball only show places? The question popped into my mind. Carefully putting the crystal ball back onto the table, I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. Does it show... people?

My heart thumped erratically as my hands hovered over it, as if that would help me make the decision. Could I...?

I bunched my hands up into fists and dropped them to my side. Maybe I could, maybe I couldn't. But I won't. What would bringing my old life into this one achieve? I was finally starting to forget it all. Everything that happened in the past was affecting me less and less. I think I was... healing. And when a wound was healing, you shouldn't pick at the scab or it would leave a scar.

No matter how much it was itching. No matter how tempting it was. No matter how much you wanted to relive the past again.

Stop caring. Stop hurting.

But I could see him again...

Visions of him swam in my mind. His smile, like sunshine, would light up the day. His silky caramel hair, which I would wrap around my fingers. His voice, a smooth tenor, and the way I could feel him vibrating if I lay my head on his chest when he laughs.

I thought of his green eyes and tears blurred my own. The way they would be full of life and fire before they became blank and empty, the way they shone with hope as he knelt before me such a long time ago, the wind tousling his hair as he uttered those heartwarming promises from his faintly smiling lips.

And the itch was too great, the temptation too enticing to ignore. With shaky hands I picked up the crystal ball. It suddenly felt cold and wrong in my hands. Before I could change my mind, I blurted it out. "Show me Casimir."

Ripples surged across the surface of the sphere, colours and formless shapes fading into sight. Casimir appeared, with the same hair, the same smile on his face, as though nothing had changed and it was just like when we were still in love. He lay on his back in the grass, his hands folded on his stomach, and the way he soaked up the sunshine made him seem like an angel landed from heaven. My breath hitched in my throat, and a tear rolled down my cheek to land on the crystal ball, blurring his face.

I was falling, drowning in him, him, him. It was too much, the darkness from the other world was closing in on this safe haven and swallowing it whole. I suddenly wanted to scratch my skin out and escape this cruel reality. My hand went limp, and the crystal ball slided from my fingers, landing on the floor with a crack that made me wince. A fissure shot through the globe and the image of Casimir disappeared.

It was like he was never there in the first place.