Think of me

twenty six: I'm just gonna say it

Grayson

Once I was in the car, I started the engine and drove out of the car park. Billie looked so cute sitting next to me in my car and wearing my jacket. 

'Where are we going?' She said to me, grinning. I couldn't help but smile back at her.

'I thought we could just go for a walk in the park or something.' I said, unsure if she would find that boring or not.

'Okay.' She said with an excited voice. I was glad she wasn't disappointed.

I wasn't really one for big fancy dates in restaurants, and going to the cinema seemed stupid to me because you don't get to talk. I preferred more relaxed things, like walking or chilling at home. I don't really like to express my feelings either, so I wouldn't want the added pressure of a fancy date.

We chatted a bit in the car until we arrived at the park. I parked in a free space along the road and we got out and headed over together. I reached down and grabbed Billie's hand. We locked our fingers together, it was almost normal to do now. We stuck to the path that led around the edge of the park, mainly to avoid the little kids that were playing on the climbing frames. 

We chatted about random things, getting to know each other more. I learnt that Billie had a dog called Bertie, that she had never left the country and that she want to be a film producer when she was older. I shared some details about my life as well, but not too much because there wasn't much to say. Eventually we reached a bench and Billie suggested that we sat down, so we did.

Once we were sitting, neither of us said anything. We just looked into each others' eyes and sat there. I was smiling like an idiot and all of a sudden I felt a spur of courage.

'Okay, I'm just gonna say it.' I said. We were still holding hands but I gripped hers more tightly now.

'Okay, go for it.' Billie said, smiling at me and squeezing my hand back. Something about her eyes made me feel like I could say anything to her.

'Well,' I started. My shyness washed over me and I laughed awkwardly. As if Billie knew exactly what to do, she placed her and on the side of my neck and rubbed her thumb against my cheek. It relaxed me and I was able to carry on. 'I really like you. And I know we've only known each other for a couple of weeks but I've never felt like this before. And to be honest it's kind of scaring me. But what Megan said about you being different is true because I've never been into a girl like you. You're not the usual type of girl I go for but that's because I've never had any serious feelings towards anyone before. And all those girls before didn't mean anything to me, but you do. This is so weird for me to say because I've literally never been this open to anyone.'

By the time I finished rambling, Billie was beaming at me. Her expression gave me a boost of reassurance and I let out a sigh of relief. She still had her hand on my face and I lent my head into it slightly.

'Well, I'm just gonna say it as well then,' She said, we laughed before she carried on. 'I really like you too, and I've never had a boyfriend or anything so you're the first person to make me feel like this. And you're making me act really weird because I'm never this chatty but you just make me feel relaxed and like I can be myself.' She said. I could tell we both struggle to express our emotions so this was a big step for both of us.

'Well I'm glad we both feel the same way.' I said, grinning at her. I don't know how we got to this point, but I was happy with how things were heading. Billie was changing me for the better and I had a feeling she was going to help me a lot with my anger issues, if I ever spoke about them to her.

'By the way,' She said. 'my brother must have seen you drop me off after the party because he mentioned it at dinner the other day and now my parents know about you.' I froze at that.

That was one thing that I was trying to avoid. I clearly did not have a great experience of parents. I didn't want to risk fucking up in front of Billie's mum and dad, that could mess up what we had. I was definitely not a family guy, and I didn't think that could change.

'And they said they want to meet you at some point.' She said giggling. But when she realised that I didn't like the sound of that, her face dropped and she started trying to reassure me. 'But we don't have to do anything yet, obviously. I know you said you don't get on with your parents but I just thought I'd tell you. I know my parents will love you so there isn't anything to worry about.' She started panicking but I needed to show her that I wasn't worried, even though I was.

'It's fine.' I said, fake smiling. 'I can't wait.' She relaxed and smiled again.

We were sitting close now, we'd been edging closer to each other without realising and our faces weren't far apart. I thought back to the night after the party and how badly I wanted to kiss Billie then, but she was drunk. Well, she wasn't drunk now. And after everything we'd just said to each other, it kind of seemed like the perfect time.

I began to lean in, I could feel her breath on my lips. I watched as she closed her eyes and prepared for me to kiss her soft lips. I was so close to kissing her when a voice broke us apart.

'Grayson Wells, fancy see you here.' Someone said. My head snapped to locate the voice.

It was the guy from the concert.