Think of me

thirty five: my dad did it

Billie

I'd forgotten to breathe. I couldn't believe that I actually just said that! To Grayson Wells! I just had to say it, because I knew it was true and I couldn't keep it in any longer. I knew that Grayson was the one for me. He was being so sweet to me about taking things slow and I just knew that what we had was very rare.

Looking at Grayson's face, I could see a huge smile forming. I was hoping that he would say it back. It would have been the perfect way to end Christmas day. 

'I love you too.' He said. 'Fuck. I really love you.' He rubbed his face in his hands and then moved them to look back at me.

I was grinning a little too much now. But so was he. 

'Calm here.' He said, pulling my hands so that I lent over to him. He kissed me. It was the best kiss we'd ever had. It was full of passion and happiness, love and lust. I never wanted it to end. We started laughing into the kiss, I wasn't sure why but it felt right. I guess we were both just a bit giddy from what we had just said to each other.

'Sshh!' I whispers, pressing a finger to his lips, trying to giggle quietly. Grayson wrapped his big arms around me and hoisted me round so that we were laying on the bed. He pull the covers over us and we kissed in the shelter of my duvet. 

When I finally pulled away from the kiss, I could see Grayson's face dimly lit by my bedside table. Something told me that tonight was the night. I needed him right there, right now. I whipped my leg over his body and pushed myself up so that I was straddling him. My position forced him to lay flat on his back. Grayson gave me a confused look.

'I'm ready.' I told him. 'But we have to be really quiet.' I giggled, and he laughed with me.

'Okay, but tell me if you want to stop at anytime.' He said, stroking my cheek. 'Okay?'

'Okay.' I replied. He sat up, while I was still straddling his waist. Grayson reached into my top, and I kissed him, hard. He eventually grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. I suddenly realised that I was almost completely naked in front of him, but the way he was looking at me boosted my confidence. I thanked the heavens above that I had put on matching underwear.

'Wow.' Grayson said. 'You look-' I kissed him before he could finish the sentence. I was not very good at taking compliments. He smiled into the kiss, understanding why I interrupted him.

I then attempted to take control. It was very out of my comfort zone, but lent down to kiss Grayson's neck. He began breathing more heavily, which told me I was doing something right. My horniness took over me and I undid the belt on his jeans, along with the button and zip. Then I pulled his shirt off in one swift movement. Something in Grayson's face changed but I continued what I was doing. Kissing his neck and running my hands all over his chest. But when I took a look at his body,  I saw the abs and biceps that I already knew he had. But I also saw bruises.

Loads and loads of bruises. I stopped what I was doing immediately and frowned at what I saw. My heart was beating fast, but not because of all the kissing and touching. How did he have so many bruises all over him?

His skin was more black and blue than white. And each bruise was a different shade. On the right side of his ribs, was an intensely dark patch of skin than the rest of the bruises. Without thinking, I ran my hands along them, and to no surprise, Grayson flinched ever so slightly.

'What is this?' I asked. I had completely forgotten that I was in my underwear. 

'They're bruises.' Grayson stated the obvious. My eyes shot him a warning look. This wasn't funny. He was seriously hurt. My mind started whizzing with all the worst things it could have been.

'How did you get them Grayson?' I said sternly. It felt weird calling him by his full name. But I didn't want him to think I was relaxed.

'Rugby.' He lied. I could tell he was lying from the fact that he wasn't looking at me. He was staring anywhere but at me.

'Don't lie.' I warned. 'It can't be rugby, you haven't played in almost a month.' He sighed.

'It was from that fight.' He said, still not looking at me. 'You know, you were there.'

'Grayson, that was two weeks ago. The bruises would not be that bad two weeks later.' 

I placed my hands on his face. I just needed him to tell me the truth. I couldn't deal with the lying. I needed to know that he trusted me or this wasn't going to work. I pulled his face upwards so that he had to look at me.

'You can tell me, Gray.' I whispered. 'You can trust me.'

'I know.' He said. He was looking into my eyes now. I knew he was going to tell me the truth. 'It was... well... my dad did it.' He eventually said.

A coldness washed over me, like I was standing out side on a winter's night. I couldn't control the gasp that escaped my lips. My stomach dropped and my heart hurt at the words. My dad did it. There was no way that was true. But he said it to my face, he was looking me in the eyes. He couldn't lie about this.

'Are you serious?' I barely whispered. But hands had dropped from his face to his chest now.

'Yeah, but don't worry about it baby.' He forced a smile as he stroked my cheek.

'Don't say that.' I snapped, pushing his hand off of my face. 'You can't tell me not to worry about that.' My voice was catching in my throat.

'Please don't cry.' He said.

'I'm not.'

'Yes you are.' He said. And I realised I was crying. How could someone do that to their own family. To their own son.

Tears streamed down my face but I wiped them away as soon as they came. I tried hard to stop. I wasn't the victim here. Grayson was. Eventually I snapped out of it. A couple of tears escaped my eyes, but not many.

'How you told anyone?' I asked.

'No.'

'Well, tell me what I can do to help.' I pleaded. 'There must be something I can do. What can I do Gray?'

'Nothing.'

'Why haven't you called social services?' I was started to sound angry. I was trying not to, but the truth was that I was angry. I was angry at Grayson's dad, and his mum, and him. How could he let this happen to him. He's a strong boy, surely he could fight back? And even if he couldn't, he could have told the police, or social services or... me.

'I was too scared to call them before.' He admitted. He was looking down now, almost like he was ashamed.

'I can help you call them now, your dad doesn't even have to know.' I suggested. I wanted to do anything to help.

'I can't.' He said, looking up at me this time.

'Why not?' I asked, confused. I was trying to understand him.

'Because they'll take me away.' He said, his voice was full of defeat.

'Isn't that a good thing? Why don't you want that?' I said.

'Because they'll take me away from you.'