Bad boy bible school: A parody of every wattpad cliché under the sun

chapter 1: Death, new beginnings and cats

Before this chapter begins, yes i'm aware of how bad the perspective is on the drawing, i don't draw full-on backgrounds as often as i'd like to, sorry 'bout that folks!

Also the one direction members' personalities might be a teensy bit off, i wasn't a directioner growing up so i wouldn't know (i was a swiftie actually, or as you may also know it, a taylor swift fan) anyways, enjoy the show

I was but just a normal youngin' living my best life...until...IT happened

Hello, my name is ashawanabufontonquibalafondelareguandralaquishabanishatishabufontrellaniquandrea delphine sansker, though most people just call me ashe, i don't know why...it kinda gets on my nerves. Anyways, yeah! I was born in weebville japan and i lived there with my 2 dads (yes i DID just say i had 2 dads, gay rights yo! Also i wasn't adopted, i'm their biological daughter...don't ask!) Though everything wasn't all sparkles and butterflies, it never is in wattpad stories! If it was, the description to this story would be clickbait! My parents actually did black tar heroin and ketamine daily and they finally overdosed and died (as well as the family cat) the day after my 8th birthday, after absorbing the last of their life forces i packed my shit and skidaddle skidoodled out the door, now i could have went to stay with a family member, like a grandma or uncle or someone else but get this...I'M A WATTPAD BOOK PROTAGONIST HUN-TAY!!! IF I STAYED WITH THEM I'D BE IN MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN IF I WAS HOMELESS!! Speaking of which, while i was running away a talking blade of grass took me to the nearest orphanage all the way in japan missouri. Personally i'm surprised my scrawny little 8 year old legs were able to run all the way over there! Sooo...that's my sad depressing backstory! Now let's get to the good part, i ain't got all day! C'mon, chop chop 👏👏

It was just another miserable day at shurekku wa aidesu orphanage much like every other, i miserably woke up in my miserable room, much like every other miserable day. I looked in the mirror and stared at the thicc, dumpy bitch before me, i stared into my piercing sky blue orbs as the radioactive piss yellow swirled around in them like lava in a lava lamp, in case you couldn't tell...i'm weird, i'm a weirdo...have you ever seen me without the stupid ugg boots on? That's weird...anywho, i remembered the orphanage person told me yesterday that i was being adopted today, surprising considering i'm 16 and kids my age are like, the last thing people would consider adopting at an orphanage, kind of like adopting a pet, teens are the unwanted pets of orphanages.

Since first impressions matter, i put on a sky blue tube top that said "fugly slut" in white cursive on it, a red jacket, a blue pleated miniskirt, my red and blue striped below knee-length socks and my aforementioned ugg boots and put my jet black hair with natural white streaks in a messy ponytail. After that i packed up my stuff and fell down the stairs trying to walk down them, after that long fall i got up again and then tripped on a loose floorboard, and another, and another. When i finally stopped tripping i opened my eyes and gasped to see that my new parents are....*gasp*

"ONE DIRECTION?!?!?"

"Ello luv we're your new parents now yeh?" Harry said britishly in british, "you must be ashe?" I was so excited that i was jumping up and down, crying, hyperventilating and screeching like the cloud forest screech owl, "OH. MY. GAWDDD-DUH!!! I'VE READ DIRTY FANFICTIONS OF YOU GUYYYSSS-ZUH!!!" I said, clapping my hands and smacking my head against the coffee table, "oh that's just swell, i can tell you're gonna enjoy yourself at our house, luv" zayn added, after that i was escorted to the 1D-mobile and it sprouted giant fairy wings and flew away! Nobody even needed to drive it! "Sooo....is there anyone else living with you?" I asked all giddy and gleeful, niall looked to me, "well..we DO have a pet cat, his name is morty and hey, funny story: we found him in our backyard one day badly injured, we took him in, nursed him back to health and thought 'fuck it, let's adopt him' and that's the story of how we got him" he explained, hmmm..."morty"...that name sounds familiar but i can't put my finger on it....eh, must be some deja vu. "Anyone else living with you? Like any other humans..?" I asked, louis stopped doing the whip nae nae in the corner and stared at me, "nope, just us, a cat and....now you, of course!" He said with a big smile before cartwheeling his way back to the corner. Oh yeah...i just know i'm gonna enjoy my stay at my new home

After some time we finally arrived! The house was...not exactly what i expected it to look like, it was a giant wooden box with a pyramid-like roof, it looked like a minecraft house made by someone who didn't know how to build good structures! Kinda underwhelming if i'm gonna be honest, maybe it looks better on the inside?

I opened the door to see a cat jump in surprise at the sound of the door opening, it was white with some orange spots here and there with green eyes, it had neck fluff similar to the "wings" of the pokemon absol's mega evolution only less fluffy as well as a blue collar with a light blue star shaped charm and a bell on it, i assumed this was morty, the cat walked up to me and meowed, the only way i could describe it is if danny devito was a cat, he'd probably have the same meow! I kneeled down and pet it, "i see you've already met morty" niall exclaimed, huh...so this WAS morty! Morty meowed again and put one of his paws in my hand, i shook it of course because that's common decency dammit! "Oh and btw we enrolled you into a new school here" liam said, "it's a christian bible school, we just converted to christianity last week and we don't any demons getting in you and turning you gay, not that we're homophobic or anything, it's just against the bible" harry added, i stood back up, rolled my eyes and scoffed, "too late for that...i'm bisexual, i'm only HALF gay" i said sarcastically, "lmao hecc yea bi rights" everyone replied, clapping in unison like in the heathers episode of riverdale (not like i WATCH that show, ugh.) "Anyway, where's my room?" I asked, harry pointed to stairs "upstairs, closest door to the middle" he said, and so i went to my room and i put away all my shit, from my collection of folders filled with printed-out gay fanfiction i found on the dark web to the almost completely destroyed plushie of stuart little...god i hate that disgusting rodent....anyways, it was around 8:42 at night so i changed into my neon blue tank top, dark red pajama pants and rainbow dash socks, put my hair down and went to bed, ready for my new life to begin

Hey guys sorry it's been so long since the last fanfiction/story, i had a bit of writer's block as of late and writing multiple-chapter stories can get pretty stressful for me after some time. But here's chapter one of my new fanfiction! I'm so excited to start chapter 2!

Anyways wash your hands, take your flintstones vitamins and stay safe y'all!