Bad boy bible school: A parody of every wattpad cliché under the sun

chapter 3: He's hitting on me oh god oh fuck

"Uhh...ummm....h-hey, i'm good! You?" I said, my entire face as red as my jacket and the stripes on my socks, maybe redder! "Glad to hear, now what's a hot piece of ass like yourself doing in a class like this?" Gilbert said, not moving his mouth because it was drawn on with sharpie, in fact his ENTIRE BODY is drawn on with sharpie, leaving that permanent smile and pose underneath that cloudy grey hoodie. But i'm getting ahead of myself, he didn't answer my question and i thought that was INSANELY hot, "i'm new here, my name's ashe sansker, my friends already told me about you" i said, my face was DEFINITELY redder than my jacket and the stripes on my socks at this point, "nice name, makes me want to bust a nut but alas, i am but a sentient piece of cardboard" he said in his dead, soulless voice. "I see...sooo why are you talking to me? I'm just a unpopular nerdy girl with lava lamp eyes who is the unholy lovechild of an anime cunt and a fucking skeleton who have both been dead for 8 years-" I whined, i was JUST about to add my social security number and the entire declaration of independence in that sentence but i was cut off by gilbert who telepathically put his hoodie sleeve up to my lips as if to shush me, normally i would have drop-kicked him all the way to neptune but this is the town bad boy we're talking about, he'd be the one drop-kicking ME!!! "Shuh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ush, you just looked interesting, okay?" He said, "OY EDGELORD!! GET TO YOUR SEAT NOW OR YOU'RE GETTIN EXPELLED!!" Mr. Radcliffe screamed, "oh no, that means no more homework! Well dot-dot-dot-dot see you after class, i gotta get to my seat" gilbert said, skateboarding to his seat (which was next to me) "great job, you get a sticker!" Mr. Radcliffe said, tossing an anime sticker to gilbert, it looked to be one of lewd fanart of monika from DDLC, probably bought off of some creep's redbubble or something. "Alrighty! It's timey wimey for a rolly callie! Amber?" Mr. Radcliffe said, "right here sir!" Amber said

"Ashe?"

"Here..."

"Gilbert?"
 
"Present"

"Kamille?"

"Uhh hold on, the spirits are possessing me...okay, NOW i'm here!"

"Lexis?"

"Hehe...of COURSE i'm here!"

"Mike?"

I looked over to see who this "mike" guy was and i saw another cardboard guy? All i could really see of him was an orange rubber band on one side of his head with blond hair on the other, a blue shirt and angel wings made out of paper, all he said was "present" in the same text-to-speech voice as gilbert...are they...brothers?

"Rachel?"

"Oh my god, I'M RIGHT HERE YOU DISGUSTING PEASANT!! DO YOU NOT HAVE EYES!?!?!?!"

"Stephanie?"

"What rachel said"

And thus, class began and nothing noteworthy happened other than amber passed me a note that said "are you sure you don't want to be friends? Because i wouldn't mind if you did!" Of course i crumpled it up and threw it back at her, i'm not being friends with no furries! Anyways...let's fast forward a bit, it took me a while to find my way back home, i almost traveled to another town before i realized what i was doing and called one direction to come pick me up because i was on the roof of vivziepop's house! Did you know that the next episode of hazbin hotel is just gonna be the cast recreating the entirety of the harry potter fanfiction my immortal? I sure didn't! Anyways, after that fun adventure i decided to take a well-deserved nap, making enemies and having a crush on sentient cardboard is schweepy work! I slept for about 20 minutes and 15 seconds when suddenly i heard danny devito's voice calling my name

"Ashe?"

"ASHE"

"AshawanabufontonquibalafondelareguandralaquishabanishatishabufontrellaniQUANDREEEEEAAAAA!!!!!"

I shook it off as a fever dream until suddenly, i felt something bite my cheek (the cheeks on my face, just to clarify) i shot up to see morty (the cat if you don't remember) at the foot of my bed, "AH, OW!! MORTY WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!?!??" I screamed, "good mornin' princess, i was WONDERING when you were gonna wake up!" Morty said, holy shit it wasn't a fever dream....THAT WAS MORTY SPEAKING!!!!! "Morty....you can talk?" I said, obviously shocked, morty nodded his cute little cat head, "yep! I just wanted to talk to ya! Ya see, i feel like i didn't introduce myself as formally as i wanted to" he explained, i raised an eyebrow. "Oh? But i already know your name is morty! Do you have like, a really long name or something?" I joked, but what morty replied with shocked me! "I mean...YEAH but i guess what you said makes sense sooo...i won't say anythin', have a nice life ashy" he said, hopping off of my bed and beginning to leave my room, "mort, wait! What even IS your full name?" I yelled to him, morty stopped dead in his tracks and just sat by my door, "my full name is mortimer daniel styles-tomlinson-horan-malik-payne the 4th, but as you know, everyone just calls me morty! Just like you and your long ass name" He explained. I growled, "listen meow-meow i'll have you know that my name is the perfect length! So shut it!" I shot back, morty chuckled "heh, we got a feisty one over here!" He said, i crossed my arms and made a pouty face, "HMPH!!!"

"O-kay...well, it's gonna be dinnertime soon, so get your homework done, do whatever you need to do and come downstairs!" Morty said before leaving my room, he was nice...and quite cute, but that's not surprising because all cats are cute! Anyways, i beat the shit out of my stuart little plushie, did my homework, played a couple rounds of smash ultimate online (i'm a snake main btw, also i find it kinda weird how they have both my dead parents in the game, i legit cry a little when i see the character roster *sigh*) i cried for a little bit, had my pre-dinner snack of unflavored, unscented chapstick and went downstairs

Hey guys, another chapter finished! I'm very excited to start on the next one! That's when the plot REALLY picks up! And also when the party that's pretty much MANDATORY to these bad boy fanfics happens! Who's gonna attend it? Is stephanie gonna be there? Who's corpse will ashe sing karaoke with? IS ashe gonna sing karaoke with a corpse? Find out in the next episode of dragon ball Z!!