TRIGGER WARNING: there are suicide and self-harm. please don't read it if it triggers you.
'They will all leave one day, why would anyone want to stay with a worthless piece of shit? Soon they will all realize what my worth is and will leave. I should save up their time and just kill myself already. I mean they do say that they care and that they will miss you but they will get over it and move on. Everybody will. I mean maybe I shouldn't do it but it's getting too much I can't take it anymore. One day I will do it, a day that I would be so done with life and do it. I'm sorry to everyone who would get hurt, but it would make everything better; no one would worry about me or listen to me complaining about every little dysfunction in my life, no one will have to suffer with me when I'm being a weak coward who is afraid to live thinking that he would get hurt so he tries to end his life. Who would want to live with the monsters inside my head anyway?'
'if you're reading this it means that I had enough.
I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, and the pain that I will cause you, you've helped me a lot and I'm very thankful for it. Don't be guilty that you didn't do enough, you did more than enough.
It's just that everything will be better without me.
Thank you. Thank you for giving me the best moments in my life, thank you for accepting me for who I am, thank you for sticking with me since day one, thank you for everything you did for me.
Remember when we first met? That day my life changed. And remember the first time we "watched" a Muggles movie together? Remember our 14th birthday? Honestly the best two days in my bloody life.
Remember that I love you, Siri, with all of my heart. And tell the others that I love them for me would you?
Love you again,
Remus'
Those two notes Sirius read from Remus' book which was on the bed. As soon as Sirius was done reading he jumped with tears in his eyes and his heart beating rapidly looking for James because he has the map with him and he needed to find Remus as fast as possible.
He rushed to the common room where James and Lily were sitting.
"James, the map I need the map right now."
"hey pads- are you okay?"
Sirius was breathing heavily and now tears were streaming down his cheeks.
"the map! Just g-give me the map! Quick James!" he said sobbing. James took out the map from his school bag and gave it to Sirius. "If you need anything tell me." but Sirius didn't listen, he opened the map and tapped it with his wand. His hands were shaking. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."
Remus was in the astronomy tower. Sirius dashed toward the common room door and to the astronomy tower, "please please don't be dead.please." He was thinking . There he was "thanks, Merlin." Remus was on the floor, the sobs shaking his whole body. "Remus!" Sirius was still crying. And Remus turned his head when Sirius saw someone else next to Remus. Someone with black hair and cold eyes who had his wand next to Remus' arm.
"Reg?" "Hey Sirius." There was blood on his clothes and the floor as well as Remus' clothes. "Re, Your arm!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's okay Siri, regu-" "regulus. You did this? How dare you!"
Sirius jumped at regulus and pinned him to the ground trying to punch him.
Remus tried to pull Sirius but there's no use. "How dare you do this to him!" "Sirius, Sirius. Sirius! Stop he did nothing!" "What do you mean he did nothing? Look at your arm!" "It's not him! He tried to help me! Stop!" Sirius stopped when he realized what Remus said.
"You didn't do that?" Sirius asked regulus with tears in his eyes. "N-no, I would never do that to you Sirius." Sirius stood up and tried to help regulus, but regulus ignored him. "I would never, Sirius...I'm not like them." Sirius was speechless with just tears in his eyes. "I came here and saw Lup-Remus. You saw my wand, 'cause I was trying to heal the cuts." "Yeah thank you regulus, if you didn't come and find me I will probably be dead," Remus said with a little teary smile. Regulus nodded and turned to leave. But then gave Sirius a look and said "I will never be like them, Sirius. You were spoused to know that. You should know that." "I-i know I'm sorry reg, it just I was panicking and-" but Regulus didn't listen to what Sirius said and left with a bloody nose.
Sirius hugged Remus both from relief and to comfort him. "why did you find me?" "Because I love you, and I wouldn't be able to live without you." Remus pulled away from Sirius, he was holding his arm where the cuts were and was doing his best to avoid Sirius' gaze. "Remus, please. I know you don't believe me but I do care about you, I will miss you, I know your worth that is why I'm here I will never leave you, and I definitely don't mind it when you complain. Just, please... I won't be able to live without you." both Sirius and Remus are crying again. "No, you- you're just being nice," Remus murmured. "WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT REMUS? You-" Sirius didn't want to snap but he couldn't stop it, Remus was looking at Sirius with big sad eyes, this is the first time that Sirius raised his voice like that. Sirius took a deep breath "look if it's not for you just do it for James or Lily or Peter and your mother? If not for them for me; because if you died I will dig my grave next to yours and bury myself. I know it's selfless to do that, to live your life for someone else. But please Remus ."
"But why? Nothing will change." Remus questioned. "are you serious?" Sirius laughed in disbelief and Remus stayed silent. "well of all this was not enough, then here is a reason, I believe in you, I believe that you can go throw this, that you will have a future." Remus couldn't handle it anymore and crumbled to the floor bawling his eyes out and trying to breathe but it was so difficult. Sirius sat in front of him and hugged him as tight as he can, Remus's tears wetting Sirius's shirt. " I love you, Remus, " Remus tried "thank you" but it was very hard to say it because he couldn't breathe but Sirius understood.
After a while of them sitting like this sirius spoke "rem,please promise me you won't do anything like that again? Please" "....I will try."
Edit (2022): guys i just wanna point out i wrote this when i was 14 and i now know that you cant cure someone depression by loving cuz that is not how it works but this fic means a lot to me so im going to keep it
