The Difference in Reality [A Harry Potter Fanfiction]

Summer of Year 4: Chapter 1

Willow and Sirius touched down on the southern edge of the Forbidden Forest, miles and miles from Hogwarts. They gave Buckbeak a treat and allowed him an hour's rest. Although they wanted to start a small fire, they couldn't, because the Ministry could find it and figure out where they were headed. Willow grew a small patch of flowers for them to sit on instead. Sirius laid down and quickly drifted off to sleep, clearly exhausted from the day's events. Willow untied her robes and draped them across his skinny frame. He appeared to dream peacefully after that.

For a June night, it was rather chilly. Willow wrung her hands, trying her best not to think about the possibility of pursuing dementors, but the idea continued to recur in her scrambled mind. If they came for her, she didn't know the Patronus spell, and they would be defenseless. She made a mental note to herself to ask Sirius about it when they finally escaped.

Willow's mind darted from event to event from the past 48 hours. She had reached the lowest of low points, then been saved by her friends. She'd tried to sacrifice her life to save three- and almost succeeded. Her friends were probably being questioned by the Ministry as she sat there. Willow clasped her hands together and rested her elbows on her knees, tears welling up in her eyes. She'd screwed up so bad. All she wanted to do was save Paige's grandfather. She'd done that- but in the process, her idiot, meddling self had ruined so many lives. Molly and her Death Eaters could easily have ended any of her friends' lives. What if that had happened? How could she ever forgive herself?

Images of the dark dungeon, her mum being tortured, and Lucius's sneer filled her mind. She caused her mum all that pain by jumping into a situation that she didn't belong in. Her mum's tarnished mental state was all her fault, Willow realized, and she had only worsened the situation by enraging Lucius. What had she done? Why was it that everything she touched crumbled to dust?

Willow suddenly sniffed hard, preventing the tears from falling. Enraged, she marched off into the trees, kicking a tree root here and there. She wanted to scream, but it would wake up Sirius. Everything would have been fine had she not messed it up! Her friends would be safe, Sirius wouldn't be on the run, her family wouldn't be worried sick, and her mum wouldn't be drowning in conflicted memories. She had tried so hard to fix things, but all she did was destroy them beyond repair!

Willow balled her fists up. She was so stupid! Why did she ever think going to rescue Grandpa Terrell was a sane idea? Willow's chest heaved. That was the problem though, wasn't it? She never did think before she did! All those dead family members, whether she meant to or not, family or ex-family, were lifeless because of her actions. She'd killed people! Whether they deserved it or not, she would never be able to shake those crimes from her soul.

Willow punched a nearby tree, then again, then again, and repeatedly beat the trunk until her muscles ceased to function. She stared at the indent it left on the tree, brushing aside the red stain on the bark. Her breath came in deep heaves. Her body trembled. Her limbs crackled. A hot energy sparked throughout her frame. She wanted to scream, punch a hole through the sky, drill the ground all the way to the center of the earth, and kick Lucius in the groin all at once. But she couldn't do any of those things, because no matter how powerful she was, she was helpless to her fate, her blood, and her reality.

She was useless.

Willow gave the tree one last kick, then marched back to where Buckbeak and Sirius were sleeping. She plopped heavily onto a fallen log. She folded her arms across her chest, drawing into herself. The thought occurred to her that she didn't even finish her Defense Against the Dark Arts exam, and that did her in. Willow punched the ground and barely suppressed an angry scream. She ran her hands down her face, wishing that one of her friends were here to slap her across the face. They would get her to snap out of her pity-party. But they were too nice, and they always tried to get her to release her emotions. There was no one out there except Paige, Lee, and the Weasley twins who would give her a proper release. Now they were probably paying the price for her stupidity.