After the War

Chapter 22

I slid my slippers on and my robes over the top of Harry's quidditch jersey, grabbed my wand and walked out to see Harry. I didn't know if I was quite ready for this, but I had to face him at some point. I walked out the front door and across the road, sitting on the bench next to him, carefully casting the warming charm on both of us. We sat in silence for a little while. Looking up at the stars and the full moon. I was startled out of my observations of the sky by Harry's voice coming out of nowhere,

"It's nights like these that I am forever grateful that the Lycanthrope disease isn't genetic if it's only one of the parents. I couldn't imagine Teddy going through the same pain as Remus at this age."

I nodded back, "No, I couldn't imagine the pain at any age let alone at the age of four. Remus was only one year older when he was bitten, wasn't he?"

"Yeah. He was." Was all Harry said.

"How is he?" I asked.

"He is good. He spends half of his time with me and the other half with Andromeda. I have taken him to theme parks and movies. Andromeda thinks he is too young; I think it is because I never got to do any of it, and I want him to have it all. He knows all about the adventures we used to get up to. He especially loves the one about escaping on a dragon from Gringotts. And about how Aunt Hermione cowed a giant."

"Aunt Hermione? Also, did you really have to tell him all of it so young?"

"Yes, Aunt Hermione. He knows all about you, and about his mum and dad. I have told him everything that was appropriate for his age, so don't worry. Once he is old enough, I'll tell him all the details he wants to hear. But not now. Now I just tell him the fun things. Like how Fred and George threw snowballs at Voldemort's face." Harry says with a grin.

"When the hell, did they do that?" I ask incredulously.

"In our first year, the twins charmed snowballs to follow Quirrell around and hit him in the back of the head. Voldemort was growing out the back of his head that year." Harry asked, looking at me with a grin. I could help it I let out a snort, which turned into full gales of laughter. After a minute or two, I calmed myself down and sat back on the bench, wiping the tears from my face. "Yeah, that was my reaction as well." Harry smirked.

We went back to the silence for a bit before I couldn't take it anymore, "I am sorry."

"I know. "

"I am not sorry for wanting to get better. I am not sorry for leaving to do so. I am sorry for not talking to you first. Or at least leaving a letter saying more than 'I am sorry.'"

"I know." Harry said again.

"I am not sorry for coming to find my parents. I am sorry I didn't ask you along."

"I know."

"I am sorry I didn't tell you that I was okay when I finally settled."

"I know." I felt like smacking him. But I knew I was still in no position to do so.

"I missed you."

"I know."

"Anything to say other than 'I know'?"

"I don't know." I want to smack him.

I took a deep breath, "So, how did you know it was me and not Emma when you walked into the shop?" I asked.

"She looked way too much like Dean, no way it was her." He replied, "Also, I could see the way you looked at the books. And how you handled them...I knew it was you right away." I smiled at that. "I was going to confront you right away. But I just couldn't. It took me two days to be able to walk in the door. And then I was just too scared that I was going to scare you away again." He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "All I wanted was to see you, make sure that you were okay. But then I did see you, and it was like the whole world came together again. Even seeing you looking like, well, not you, it was like my whole world came back together. Like everything was back to where it was meant to be."

"When you left, I crashed. I fell into this hole that I couldn't seem to get out of. I drank and sat on the floor, remembering everything that we went through, trying to work out where I went wrong. It took a good few weeks for me to get up and do anything, it took Ginny, Mrs. Weasley and Ron yelling at me that the only way to find you was to get up and do something about it."

"Harry..." I said reaching out to him.

"No, just... please let me get through this." He said, standing up and stepping away. "I realised they were right. I put the bottles down and applied to be an auror. I knew that the only way for me too find you was to get my life together and learn the right spells. I threw myself into training and into my relationship with Ginny, but after a few months, things weren't working out so well in our relationship, at least from my point of view, and so I started focusing only on being an auror by pulling away from her. Ginny obviously didn't react well to that. She tried to get me out of it, tried to get me to see that I was hurting myself and those around me, especially her, but I couldn't see it, or more I think I didn't want to see it. It took a while, but Ginny finally lost it. She packed her things and moved back in with her parents. If I am being honest with myself, I was kind of glad that it happened. It gave me a chance to concentrate solely on tracking you down. Ron, Neville and, surprisingly, Draco helped. I couldn't believe it when I saw you in the Alley. But it didn't last for so long. In a matter of seconds, you had already disappeared. So, I came looking for you. And then I heard all that in there. Molly turned you away. No one noticed that you were hurting. But worst of all, I didn't notice. You were in pain and wanting to die and I didn't notice. God, I hate myself for that. I will always hate myself for that."

"Harry, it's not your fault. You were finally free to live your life and be happy. I couldn't take that away from you. You were finally free." I said standing up in front of him and stopping him from pacing, making him face me, "I was not going to take the freedom away from you. Harry, you finally had the chance to live the life you wanted. To have the family you always wanted. How could I take that away from you? You have no idea how bad I wished that I could be there and give you what you wanted. You have no idea just how bad I wanted to be there with you and have that life with you. But I couldn't just take you away from the family you always wanted."

"But Hermione, you ARE my family. We've been like a family to each other since first year. Well, sure, the Weasley's are like a second family to me. But without you there, nothing felt the same. How could you possibly think you would be able to take something like that away from me?"

I was on the verge of tears at his words. I couldn't believe what I had heard. If another word came out of him, I would definitely start crying.

"Harry, I...I don't know what to say.I...I..."

"I do..."

OMG!! I am so sorry!! I didn't even notice that I hadn't uploaded the full chapter! Thank you Dolphin1320 for pointing it out.