VITRIOL | Shane Walsh

XXVIII

I didn't know how long had passed since his death but the wound was still open and despite Maggie's pleas for me to stay at Hilltop with her, I couldn't.  She understood my grief and let me go. I chose to return to mine and Shanes home by the coast where memories of a peaceful life together were. If needed, I could always turn to Oceanside for help but I just wanted to live out my days alone. 

However, it didn't quite work out the way I planned. Turns out Shane still left behind part of himself on earth. I was pregnant and in my last trimester, I was forced to seek help at Oceanside.  Tara brought news of my nephew being born and in exchange, she told Maggie that I had a beautiful little girl. I said I'd take her to visit everyone when she was a little bit older and now she was grown up enough to travel.

"Clementine, can you sit still for two damn minutes?" I laughed while trying to tame her wild mane of black curly hair into two plaits. Her hair was identical to Shanes in the aspect that if you brushed it, it would be a frizzy mess so it was better to just tie it back.

"Okay mommy" She giggled while turning her attention towards her book I was forcing her to read. I pulled the hairband tight round the second plait finishing off my masterpiece. "What do these people do?" She asked pointing at a picture of a police officer. Of course with her only being around four, she'd have never seen one before.

"You can ask your uncle Rick all about it once you meet him for the first time. He and your Daddy used to work together as police officers"

"Will he be scary?" she asked looking slightly worried.

"Don't be silly, he's a little softie just like you" I teased before kissing her nose and helping her down off the chair. 

I decided it was best for us to travel in the winter when the walkers would be significantly slowed and the majority of them would be buried under snow. I'd already stolen us coats and winter boots from nearby shops earlier in the year and I was overjoyed that Clementine's feet hadn't grown much since. Since Oceanside never really went anywhere, they had no cars and since I only drove a bike out here, we had no choice but to walk to Hilltop on foot.

"Don't you think you're forgetting something?" I asked Clem as we were about to leave and she frowned in thought before patting her head and running back into the house. She came back out with Shane's hat on backwards and I finally locked the door ready for the journey.

- - - 

We had to cross to the other side of the river which had conveniently frozen over. We were growing tired as the temperature dropped and the nearest bridge was over an hour away so I decided for us to take the risk, hoping the thick layer of snow would prevent us from slipping. Maybe I was just excited to get back and see everyone for the first time in years.

"Don't let go okay?" I said to Clementine as she jumped up into my arms. She held on tightly as I started to make my way over to the other side and my prediction was right that the snow would cushion my feet.

'We're halfway, no problem' I thought and immediately wished I didn't. I just had to jinx it.  A pair of decaying hands burst out from underneath the snow and latched onto my right leg. I flew forward and accidentally threw Clementine further ahead while I was left to fight. As the walker raised its body I shifted around onto my back and went to stamp down on its face. However, my attention was diverted by another member of the undead which rose to grab my arm.  I pushed that one with as much force as I could but my attempts to protect myself would be useless. The one at my leg had sunk its teeth onto my flesh and I immediately kicked it away.

I quickly collected myself and charged ahead to scoop up Clementine from the floor and rush to solid ground. I was now a ticking time bomb and had to reach Alexandria before the infection set in. 

"Mom? Are you hurt?" She questioned, concern starting to set in.

"I'm fine Darlin, let's just focus on getting us to our family okay?" I reassured while tugging my belt from its loops. I fastened it just below the knee hoping to stop the blood flow and stood up walking in the direction we needed to go 

"I'm sorry" Clem mumbled as we walked along.

"What for?" I asked confused

"I didn't help you. I know you taught me how to stop the monsters but I couldn't" She started to snivel and I paused wrapping her in a hug.

"Hey, don't be silly. It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have chosen to cross the damn river" I joked and her tears started to dry up "Come on, let's get going"

As the journey continued I grew more and more delirious with each passing moment. We were on the right highway that led directly to Alexandria but I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn't make it.  For the second time in my life, I was going to leave my child behind to grow up without a mom or dad and it killed me. As my legs gave way I dropped to the floor and could do nothing but look up at the greying sky. Soon my eyes would match with the same shade of lifelessness.

"Baby I need you to listen to me, you need to go straight down this road and not look back. Don't let anything scare you just keep going."

"What about you?" she trembled.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be just fine." She wiped away the tears on her cheeks finally realising how bad I had gotten. She'd only ever seen me smiling and energetic, not vulnerable. "Ask for your Aunt Maggie or Uncle Rick and they'll help you, now go...Mommy loves you" She stood up from her spot next to me and hesitantly turned away. She listened to my final wish and didn't look back.

As I caught sight of her fading silhouette I just prayed she wouldn't end up like Sophia back on the farm and make it back home. I'd die happy knowing she made it safe but I'd never know. All I had was sadness and the fear of the unknown. As a dying thought, I cast my mind to the afterlife. Daddy had always been a good Christian man and had hope in heaven. I thought there was no time like the present to try and restore my faith.

"It's been a while but, if you're up there...please help my little girl"

Now it could've been pure coincidence or a complete hallucination but I'm sure I heard the faint hum of an engine approaching, specifically the engine belonging to that beat-up bike Daryl used to ride around on. I remember Caleb pointing out the angel wings on his jacket when we first spoke to him on the farm and maybe he would prove to be an actual angel and guide Clementine home.

My breaths started to shallow and my vision darkened. My time was up. I'd lived a rich life full of love, friendship and...death. I just wish my daughter gets to be loved as Shane loved me and start a family of her own.

But that was just a wish.

I'd never know if that wish came true.