dear highschool book 2

downfall

rowan sat in her room on thursday night. the team was in january camp. she knew because pia had kept in touch but she still didn't offer rowan a call up. she seemed better on the outside. she continued her training with sabrina although she had yet to ask for her things back. she didn't want them. she felt like a fraud having those things in her room. and if rowan sanchez was a wash up she would not be a fraud too. it was january already. she could barely do skills that she learned when she was 8. she was scared. she hated this. she felt trapped. trapped in a wash up soccer players body. she had these attacks frequently. she would wait for sabrina to leave then go to her room and cry until she couldn't. she would beat herself up over things that she used to be able to do. she would sit there for hours letting sobs rack her body until she couldn't breathe. then she would wake up the next morning and plaster a smile on her face. on a thursday night rowan made the decision. if she was going to be a wash up she could at least be a teenager.
"hello?" "hey chandler what's up dawg?" "not much ro what's up?" he asked. "yeah i was wondering if you knew of any parties this weekend?" she asked. "yeah! i think mason is throwing one" he said nervously. "sick. let's crash it?" she asked devilshlu. "are you sure ro i mean we could always-" "you in or not" "i'm in. see you tomorrow night"
the next day at school rowan walked in with sabrina like usual. she had this new mantra to her. rowan was cool and bad ass but she was kind and passionate. this girl they didn't recognize. she was different. she picked fights. like this morning. "o'connell!!!!" she roared walking into the hallway. "well well well. sanchez how are you are you??? oh wait i don't care" he said covering his shock of hearing her come at him with yet another snarky comment. "hmm no worries. your girl asked me the same question this morning-" she smirked cockily before she was interrupted. "you had better watch your fucking mouth rowan" he said getting in her face. "oh this looks better. sorry if i was a little too rough. didn't know i was dealing with a little bitch" she shot at him gesturing to his busted lip from their last encounter. he went in for a swing which she quickly dodged. "woah woah. no damage to the money maker alright?" she teased again. mason balled up his fists. sabrina watched the interaction in awe before calling for her fake girlfriend. "rowan!" she yelled. "mmm duty calls. this though was fun. let's do it again sometime?" she said sarcastically before walking up to sabrina wrapping her arm around her shoulders. "what the hell was that?" sabrina whispered through a smile. "don't worry about it" rowan whispered back. "hey party tonight. i'll come get you" she said pecking her lips and leaving. sabrina knew something was up. they did their workouts like usual before sabrina left to get ready. she tried to ask rowan what the thing with mason was about but rowan just laughed it off. this wasn't the rowan she or anyone knew. rowan got ready for the party. she wore black ripped jeans and a white muscle tee with a grey sports bra underneath. she put on her black snap back and chain before heading out to pick up sabrina. sabrina hesitated before getting into the jeep. damn rowan looked good. bad ass. "like what you see?" rowan chuckled. sabrina tolled her eyes playfully before sliding into the jeep. "you look pretty"
rowan told her as she got in. sabrina blushes and rowan focused back onto the road. "rowan this is masons" sabrina said in a question tone. "why yes yes it is" she said devishky. "ro. i know we're not how we used to but i'm here you know that right?" sabrina said and she saw the flash of pain on the girls face before she coveeed it back up. "thanks sab. let's go"
she said exited the jeep. rowan and the group walked in and grabbed a drink before heading back. sabrina noticed as rowan downed the shot of alcohol and her beer in a matter of seconds. she decided to stay sober knowing this could easily get bad. after a few more shots they headed out back. everyone turned to look at them. "the fuck you think you're doing here sanchez?" mason asked clearly suprised at the groups appearance. "ohhhh mason mason. don't act like you didn't miss me" she said sarcastically. everyone shocked at the sudden balls rowan grew. sabrina stood behind rowan biting her lip anxiously. "get out of here" mason said bitterly. "awww mase don't be a party pooper" she said with a frown. "mm thanks" she said as chandler handed her another drink. rowan downed her 4th shot and 3rd beer before doing something no one ever expected from her. she walked down the steps. "hey uh if you ever get tired of little D2 dick down there you know where to find me and my crew" she whispered into cassies ear. she turned to leave before she was yanked back by mason. "you have some real fucking NERVE!" mason yelled. "what are you gonna do huh?! i have nothing else to loose!!" she screamed back. he lost it a swung making contact with her nose. she gently touched her face to see the blood before releasing everything. she shoved him down and punched and punch while straddling him. "how does it feel mason! huh how does it feel to have no control?! how does it feel to be helpless" she yelled between punches. someone pulled her off of him and she fought back and their elbow made contact with her face clipping her eye. she smacked her head and collided with someone's elbow. "rowan!" chandler yelled trying to calm her down. "rowan nothing! i'm out of here. fuck this!" she yelled walking out and to her jeep. she got to her house and grabbed the bottle of vodka and went up to her room. she downed it. she reached for the bottle of tequila and downed some of it before her room door opened. sabrina couldn't hold back her tears as she watched the girl she loved or once loved drown herself in alchol. she remebered when rowan got her first ever buzz. it was at a party that rowan only went to because sabrina would be there.
"rowan sanchez? is that you??" sabrina asked at the sight of the girl awkwardly standing by the drinks. rowan smiled sheepishly. sabrina took in her appearance. sea turtle shorts and a black polo. "sorry i almost didn't recognize you without your soccer ball" sabrina teased. rowan chuckled. "oh i brought it. it's i my car" she said. sabrina laughed. if one person could make her laugh like really laugh it was rowan. "come on dork let's get you a drink" sabrina said grabbing her hand and leading her to the drinks. "soooo what are you feeling tonight?" she asked. "uhhh is there any uh sprite back there?" she asked innocently as she looked around sabrina. "oh ro. here try this" she laughed and handed rowan a cup with beer. rowan obviously knew what beer was. her dad was a marine for gods sake. she took a sip and made a face at the taste. "you'll grow to like it trust me" sabrina said with a wink before taking rowan to go play beer pong. she explained the game and rowan was surprisingly good. "wow. ro i didn't know you could play" sabrina said. "yeah me either" rowan said suprised. there she goes again making sabrina laugh. after a few more rounds of pong sabrina walked around with rowan following like a lost puppy dog. sabrina thought it was cute. wanting to make the girl feel embarrassed she leaned into her and situated rowans hand on her hip. she swayed her hips gently against the girls front making rowan tighten up. she could tell the girl was tipsy when she started to get a little more comfortable. she let her chin rest on sabrinas shoulder and her hand roamed the girls body. sabrina knowing the girl was definitely not sober enough to drive took her home. she dropped her off and before rowan opened the door to her house she opened sabrinas car door. "what are you-" she laughed as rowan pulled her out and made her stand up. she leaned in and kissed her passionately. this was the girl sabrina would fall in love with.
rowan let her tears flow out as sobs racked her body she chugged the alcohol. sabrina crouched infront of her. she took the bottle from the girls hand. she let rowans head fall into her shoulder. she held her tightly as rowan let her tears stain the girls shirt. she didn't care about her clothes or how rowans blood from her cuts from the fight would stain her white shirt. "come on" sabrina said once rowan was composed enough to get up. she led her too the shower and waited for rowan to shower off. once she got out sabrina cared for the girls cuts then gave her a pair of boxers and a sports bra. rowan changed while sabrina changed into one of rowans t shorts and shorts. rowan looked glazed over again. only pain was on her face. she helped her into bed before turning to go sleep on the couch before she looked back at rowans pleading eyes. she did what she knew she shouldn't. she climbed into bed with the girl and held her tightly stroking her hair while she cried. she kissed her head. "i've got you" was all she said