dear highschool book 2

i dont even recognize you

everyone shared concerned looks as rowan sprinted off the field.
she pulled herself into the closet stall and puked. she sobbed as she threw up. she couldn't be in there she couldn't do it.
"rowan?" she heard hopes voice.
rowan walked out and rinsed her mouth.
"ro-" "i'm good. sorry i think the bagel i ate this morning wasn't very good. but i'm fine let's go" she lied. "you sure?"
"yep!" she yelled jogging out onto the field.
"rowan you good?" pia asked. "mhmm sorry i just bad bagel this morning i'm ready" she said.
she stood outside the 18. she couldn't go in. "hey do you mind if we try something new? like maybe i take the corner?" rowan asked. "what why? pinoe always takes them" abby asked. "just thought maybe we could try it out?" rowan asked. "yeah why not" abby shrugged and pia shot a confused look but gave her a thumbs up to go ahead and try it. rowan went to the corner and placed the ball down and served it in. it was a little off of what pinoes would be but it worked. "nice one ro" pinoe said. "thanks" rowan shot a smile. she felt pathetic. she couldn't do her job.
she took another shower and walked into dinner late with tear stained eyes. this time the team knew they needed to step in. pia dismissed the team as the coaching staff lefy and rowan went to get up before hope pushed her back down. "hey you mind staying?"
"i um i'm really tired" rowan tried to lie.
"no you're not. we see you. you come in late. you have tear stained eyes, your not you" hope told her
"i'm fine guys just stressed is all" rowan said growing frustrated
"cut the shit rowan. we all know that's not true what's wrong?" abby asked.
"what's wrong? what's wrong?" she lost her cool.
"what's wrong is i have an overbearing team who has NO idea what's going on so just back off" she said.
"god who are you?! you're not the baby we know you're you're i don't know" hope said standing up
"i don't know what you mean" rowan mumbled
"what i mean is you barley talk to us. you come kate to dinner, you make mysterious changes on the field, you ignore us in the training room you never come to hang."
"maybe i just don't want to?! is that so hard to believe?" rowan asked raising her voice.
"rowan relax" christie told her.
"no you know what you relax. i'm fine. just drop it" she shouted
"rowan come on-"
"god really alex? you're really trying to pull this right now? god just leave me alone"
"you know what. all of you just leave me alone. let me do what i came here todo. play football! i don't need any of you. I DONT NEED YOU OR ANY HELP OR ANYTHING. GOT IT?!" she screamed.
"i don't even recognize you" hope said.
"well that makes two of us." she said bitterly as she exited the meal room.

camp ended. the team honoring rowans request.
she got back and confided in sabrina about all of it. she held her as she cried. for once sabrina wasn't sure rowan would make it out of this

a week later rowan got a call. pia said she had made the olympic roster. she was looking good. she looked much better on the field. stronger. but on the field she was just a damn good player. she wasn't rowan sanchez. what made rowan sanchez was the way she hugged her teammates. the way she walked down to breakfast in her sponge bob slippers wiping the sleep from her eyes. the way she would have hope carry her in to the hotel after a late night

"you can do this ro. you can make amends oksy. i got you" sabrina assured her. she hung up and headed in to the lobby. round 2 but she had some stuff to repair.
"hey rowan. welcome ummm your room is 367" one of the assistant coaches informed her. "great" she grumbled when she saw the bags in the room were hopes. she knew she was in the wrong and she knew she needed to apologize.
she headed down where she meet the team in the lobby. pia handed them the schedules. rowan stood next to hope. "roommates?" hope asked bitterly. "yup" rowan replied. rowan didn't know what to do so she sent a text.
r- me and hopes room. 10 min.
ofcourse no one replied but she'd hope they'd show up. and they did. they always showed up for her.
"hey guys. look i'm sorry. i was so so so way out of line the other day. i know you guys were just looking out for me and i'm sorry i screwed that up" she said. hope took a deep breath. "you know we were just trying to help you out right?" hope said. "i know and i'm sorry" rowan said looking at the ground. "ro. can you please tell us what's going on?" alex begged. she looked around the room at the pleading eyes. rowan wasn't a liar but she wasn't weak either. her dad always used to say: "la debilidad abre la puerta a la manipulación, rowan" which means weakness opens the door for manipulation. she could trust these girls right? they wouldn't do that. she didn't want their pity though. she didn't want anything except to feel whole.
"uh" rowan took a breathe and a seat on the desk. "after the uh injury i was in a bad place. i've been feeling really really lost and i'm scared. and yesterday was a huge stressor with the corner kicks and all that. i've been having some PTSD. but i'm i'm okay i swear. i'm getting better" she lied through her teeth with the last part. "you know we all have your back right and if you ever need help. we'll help you find it" abby told her. "yeah i know" rowan sniffled. "i love you guys" she said. "awwww ro" alex squealed hugging her. she giggled. hope picked her up and put her on her lap. "i love you baby ro" she said. rowan snuggled in deeply to hope.
she didn't want to lie but if they knew the truth she didn't know what would happen