something important to you

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TORD'S P.O.V. TW: abusive relationship, smut

you never understood it.

your parents called it betrayal. your friends called it a sense of adventure. the internet called it wanderlust. 

it's so much more than that.

the overbearing need to leave your friends. to leave everything behind. perhaps its a replacement of your suicidal tendencies? perhaps death would be better than destroying your life.

you don't know anymore.

for some reason, you still stay. you don't really want to. would you even have remorse for leaving your friends? even if you knew how much pain it would cause them?

the scariest part is that you think the answer is no. 

how do you explain to your mama that you want to take over the world?

you become the anchor. you become an object. no matter what they told you, that's all you'll ever be. an object.

you just wanted someone to love you. 

and for awhile, you thought nobody would.

but him. you loved riling him up. you loved the faces he would make when you pushed him around. you loved when he pushed you back. the yin to your yang, you could say. the equal fights. 

it was christmas when you first kissed him. 

edd and matt were done with the arguments and the shoving. they retreated to the outside world, and the fight escalated. he threw the first punch, and you couldn't help but grin. you loved it when he got physical with you. 

you caught his fist, and you pushed him to the ground. you were bigger than him, sure, but he wouldn't go down without a fight. you wrestled with him, panting for breath. you let him win. you let him pin you down, and you grinned. he looked adorable on your lap. 

you pulled him down so your nose touched his. he didn't flinch as he stared straight into your eyes. 

how could someone ever love you?

you kissed him. he let you.

soon enough, you have him pulled into your room. you kiss him all over and you let him climb on top of you, grinding and grinding until you can't handle it anymore.

you don't want to admit it, but he's more experienced than you. you let him take control as he takes the lube, unbuttoning your jeans. he looked hot with that look on his face, and you realized you'd do anything for him. 

he rides you into oblivion that night, panting and gasping as his thighs shook. he came long after you did, but you didn't really mind. 

and that's how the story went. you continued fighting, pushing and shoving whenever things got out of hand. it always ended in the bedroom, him riding you and taking control. you didn't mind it; he knew he was yours. you were his, and that's all you needed.

for once, you didn't feel like leaving. you didn't feel like leaving whenever your lips touched his, melting and melting until you became one. you didn't feel like leaving when he let you love him, trailing kisses across his skin, fingertips leaving invisible marks that would never leave.

you didn't feel like leaving when he told you he loved you.

it scared you. you didn't want to say it back, but you had to, and it scared you. you'd never tell anyone that you loved them before. nobody had ever told you that they loved you before. 

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