CHAPTER TWENTY: CONCRETE JUNGLE||SAHRA||

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"I guess that's what happens when you go your whole life without one of the two people who are supposed to love you most in the world." -Sahra Khan, SBC

" -Sahra Khan, SBC

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Chapter Twenty:

Concrete Jungle

☀️Sahra Khan☀️

Lost, that's the perfect word to describe what I am feeling at the moment right now.  Ever since I got here, it felt as if I was walking on eggshells. I felt so out of place here and I know that my father and Sumayah have been trying their best in making me feel welcome but I still can't help the feeling that I am not meant to be here. I know that it'll take time and In Shaa Allah I will adjust but I just missed my family so much and it hurts to be away from them even if I know that it's for the best. I wish that I didn't have to be this way. Am I happy that I'm with my twin and father? Yes, I want to get to know them and become close but I just wish it didn't have to be one or the other.

I left my family so that everyone can be safe, or so I thought. Turns out leaving wasn't the solution either because they're still watching us. When we showed Ahmed- I mean dad what was in the text message that was sent to us, he was furious and immediately called his lawyers.

"This is insane," I whispered to Sumayah.

"Tell me about it, but In Shaa Allah everything will be fine." She responded in a reassuring tone.

I want to believe her, I really do but something tells me that this is not the end of it. But whatever happens, I know that we will all get through it together. So to be honest, I really am not all that worried. I feel like the faster that he shows up, the faster we'll be able to get passed this once and for all. Even if he is biologically our grandfather, I still want justice for what he did to Mama. For refusing to let her marry dad who genuinely loved her, making her marry a man who was abusive towards her and not let her out of that marriage, chasing both her and dad around the world for years, for splitting up our family, and letting Mama be miserable for the past 20 years... He needs to pay for all of it. It's at times like these that I am extremely grateful that there is a judgment day, Allah will give him what he deserves.

"We need to do something to distract ourselves from this craziness." She suggested with a devious look in her eyes.

"What're you thinking?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Let's go sightseeing! Since you're new to New York we can go to all of the tourist-y spots, it'll be fun." Sumayah exclaimed excitedly. Why not? I've always wanted to see why New York was such a big deal. "Let's go, that sounds like fun," I responded.

"Good, oh and at night time there's this big floating lantern festival that happens every year. We should all go together, me, you, Abo." She said with a smile on her face. To be honest I've barely spoken with him and it's still pretty awkward. He always tries to make conversation with me and in my heart, I want to accept him and become close but there seems to be a disconnect with my heart and my head. I guess that's what happens when you go your whole life without one of the two people who are supposed to love you most in the world. I know it isn't his fault and that he wanted to be present in my life just as much as Mama wanted to be in Sumayah's life. I get it and I'm not angry with him... I guess I'm just angry at the situation and I'm subconsciously taking it out on him which I know I shouldn't be doing. He's trying and I just need to meet him halfway there.

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