glitch | ryden soulmate au ✓

4

Rather than taking the bus home, I was walking. Brendon and Sarah were obviously going to be on there and I don't think I'd want to see him after what happened this morning. 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day was playing as I was taking the path home. Billie Joe Armstrong is right, I am walking a lonely road.

It's not all of a bad thing though, the breeze against my skin made all the tension in my body somehow fade away and I felt refreshed for the first time in forever. With everything that's happening right now, I just need some time to myself.

The music cuts off as the annoying blare of my phone was buzzing. I take my phone out of my pocket, accepting the call as I hold my phone to my ear before letting out a sigh.

"Hey Pete."

"The bus literally passed by you and I feel like such a third-wheeler around Brendon and Sarah.", Pete vents and I roll my eyes, looking both ways across the street before walking again.

"Sucks to be you.", I answer, I can see him sulking and probably looking away from Brendon and Sarah. I mean, he's been stuck with her for a while, it's completely normal to avoid them at this point. The thought of them together makes me want to curl up and die."Your fault for not contacting me ahead of time."

"Then can I walk home with you tomorrow?", he asks, Pete sounds to be quite desperate. Did he really hate third-wheeling them?

"Yeah, sure.", I say, my head perks up from the sidewalk and I feel the sun welcome me in its warm rays. I feel no other emotion but calmness at the moment and I wish I could stay that way forever. I let out a sigh, kicking rocks and pebbles as I listen to Pete complain about how much he wanted to find his Soulmate.

Some part of me wants to tell Pete, I feel like he deserves to know about my condition and how I'm slowly dying. Once I do die, it won't be so hard on him since he knew ahead of time. If I don't tell him, he'll probably be devastated and be one of those kinds of guys that visit someone's grave every day to give them updates on what's happening.

How would he react to knowing that my Soulmate's name is Brendon? Would he think that it's the Brendon we hang out with? Or would he think that there's someone else named Brendon?

"Ryan? You still there?"

I snap out of my thoughts, forcing out a laugh. "Yeah, sorry. I was distracted.", I lie and continue to walk. "And - uh - I'm sure that you'll find your Soulmate soon enough. Trust me, it's only been a few months. Not everyone finds their Soulmate the day after their birthday, I mean, only if you're lucky enough or if your Soulmate was someone you knew."

For me, that was the case but the only difference was that I'm a Glitch. The only thing waiting for me was death and I'm not even going to make it past 17, I'll die before I graduate and that's literally a living nightmare.

Pete lets out a sigh. "Yeah, you're right Ryan. I just can't wait to see them, hug them and finally feel happy.", he explains with a smile.

I remember when I felt like that, good old days.

"I'm almost home Pete, I'll text you later."

"Mkay. Bye Ryan."

I pull out my earbuds, shoving them into my pocket and hang up on him. I grab my home keys and step inside the house, slipping my shoes off as I then lock the door.

"Hey mom, I'm home."

"Hey Ryan! Welcome back!", she calls back and I feel a smile making its way to my face.

I toss my backpack aside and enter the kitchen. I look through the pile of mail, they were just plain regular bills, some subscribed newsletters and self-promo deals. I throw them back on the counter before something catches my eye.

"What's this..?", I mumble to myself, picking up the brochure and lightly skimming it. My mom looks up from her phone, standing up from her seat and stands next to me.

"I talked to the doctor while you were at school today.", she starts off, her tone of voice was surprisingly calm and low. It made me feel somewhat uneasy as if she was about to bring up something lifechanging.

I keep my eyes focused on the brochure. "What does this have to do with this flyer?", I ask and she shakes her head, her hand reaches out to mine as I lower my hand, resting it on top of the tabletop in her hold. 

"We discussed where people like you would go.", she says, the way she said that sentence made me feel sick. She was talking about Glitches as if they were inhumane, monsters even and that's everything Glitches are not. "The doctor suggested that you should go here, to 'Helping Hearts'. It's like a therapy group kind of thing where people like you go. You meet up every week, talk about things and you'll even make new friends Ryan. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"I - um - fun?", I stammer out, I slip my hand away from her hold and she frowns. "I'd rather die than go to therapy. I'm not sick, being a Glitch isn't some sort of deadly disease. I'm not sick or twisted if that's what you think, I'm okay mom. I promise."

I hate this. I have no intention of hurting my mom's feelings or getting other people to help me, even if it meant that they could help me. I'm just stating how I feel and it's basically my personal take on my situation. After all, it's my problem, not anyone else's.

My mom lets out a weary sigh, she then looks into my eyes. "If therapy isn't what you want then I have something else that may make you feel better.", she says, I look back at her and she's now fully aware of how she has my attention. "There's another way to fix things and you'll be able to live."

My eyes light up like christmas lights. "Actually?! What do I have to do?!", I ask and for some reason, my mom's expression didn't match mine. I expect her to be happier, her son will live if he takes this opportunity.

"You can get surgery.", she states, she looks through the pile of letters and pulls out a hand-written note from the doctor himself. "But there is a price that you'll have to pay."

"Look, as long as I'll be able to live a longer life and be successful, there's nothing to worry about.", I say quite confidently.

"The thing is that you won't feel anything Ryan.", my mom says. "Specialists perform this surgery on Glitches for free but you'll lose your emotions in this process. They'll remove the name on your wrist and they'll take the half of your soul that you own. That soul is like the core of emotions, everything you feel is bottled up in that one place and once it's gone, everything from your happiness vanishes and becomes nothing."

Nothing? I become the literal embodiment of nothing if I accept this offer?

No emotions. No happiness, no sadness, no excitement, nothing at all. Would even trying to smile be that hard to do?

Maybe death would be a better decision after all. 

"Ryan, sweetie, I know that everything about this is so sudden but you have to make up your mind. There's no way to change your fate, it's either death or this special surgery.", she states and I nod, clutching onto my wrist tightly.

"I.. I just need some time alone.", I choke out, my mom nods.

"Yeah, I understand.", she keeps her eyes on the white tiles. "I love you Ryan. Don't overthink it and keep in mind that the therapy option is there too."

"Got it, and I love you too." I force a smile and walk away, going up the stairs and locking myself in my room.

Therapy would be the worst option. I get to meet other people like me and watch them leave my life after their time is up. It isn't an experience worth going through, especially if it'll only hurt me more. The constant worrying thought about death, I don't want it to be all I think of.

Getting the surgery gives me a benefit and that would be me being able to keep on living. The con is that I lose all sorts of feelings so even if I do become successful, I won't feel successful since all I would feel is nothing. The bland and sickening feeling of being empty and emotionless.

Dying in five months, sure, my soul is weaker than the average human's but that would mean a quicker and 'safer' death, I assume. Hanging out with my friends and family, I'd rather die happy and protected over any day than living like a dysfunctional and emotionless human.

Maybe death would be the best option.