Stars ➯ Marauders Era

An t-siathamh Bliadhna - Dè thachair

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The fact that each boy immediately began to shift from foot to foot told Carina so much just to start. She knew that they hadn't wanted to tell her but she had never suspected it could've been anything terrible - likely some prank that went a little out of hand that she would've disapproved of, or something along those lines, was what she had been anticipating; if that was even the correct word to use, as she hadn't thought much of it until Snape had mentioned it at Halloween. Since then Carina's mind had been whirring about it - how had Snape been involved? Did he truly know about Remus? How did Lily know? And what had she meant when she had said that James had "saved" Severus?

Clearly, Carina's optimistic expectations were not going to be met, which she realised as she watched each boy open and close their mouths like fish, searching for words as if gulping for oxygen. She sighed and rubbed her head.
"Love," she turned to Sirius. "I know it's your birthday. And I'm not going to push anymore. But clearly, this is important and something bad happened. If I don't know, I can't help. If you don't want my help, that's utterly fine too but I'd prefer to know if you don't mind."
Carina walked up to Sirius and kissed him, almost uncertainly.
"I hope you sleep well, dear and you boys don't let him stay up too late."

When she had kissed him, Sirius had taken hold of Carina's hands without thinking but as she turned to walk away, he kept a hold of her left hand and sighed. Pulling her carefully back around to face him, Sirius sighed once more, this time rubbing his eye with his free hand.
"I'll tell you. But you have to promise to not be mad."

Carina looked at each boy in front of her, making eye contact individually - "I'm not promising anything."

James sighed.
"Look, I -"

Sirius cut him off.
"It's my fault, honestly. Don't be angry at any of them, especially not James. It's truly my fault, 'Rina and I'm sorry."

At the true inflections of sincerity in his voice and in the look in his grey eyes, Carina's face softened slightly.

"Well..." Sirius began to explain. "It was the full moon. And that obviously means -"
"Furry Little Problem," James quickly declared, finishing Sirius's sentence.
"Yeah," said Sirius. He pushed a hand through his hair. "Furry Little Problem. That twat, Snivellus, has always been interested in what Remus does every month, and him being ill, and stuff - the nosey git - and I just... I wasn't thinking logically or anything. It just sort of happened... I..."

"You told him to come to the Willow, didn't you?"
Sirius nodded and sighed. "It's probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. I put Moony at risk, and Peter and James at risk, and even Snivellus. I feel awful."

"But Snape wasn't hurt or anything...?" Carina added, holding Sirius's hand in both of hers. She couldn't be angry at him for this. Carina knew, just as well as everyone else, how protective everyone was of Remus, especially Sirius. Sirius had felt pain before, like Remus. They had both felt like monsters in their lives, and even though both boys were far, far from it, Carina knew that it meant Sirius wanted to protect Remus. Just like they all did.

"Because I stopped him," said James quietly.
Carina whipped around to look at him. There was something resolute in his eyes that she hadn't noticed before. A determination. Third year James would never have done anything like that, let alone admit it if he did. He was growing, she could see it. It made Carina so so happy for him.
"I realised what was going to happen and I stopped him."

"He probably saved his life, not that Snivellus would ever admit that, the slimy little bastard," Sirius spat. "It's my fault, I put him in danger, but he'd never admit that James got him out of it."

"He just wants to believe we're all evil because that'd be easier to fit neatly into his blood supremacist mindset - that all the blood traitors and half bloods, muggleborns and... and people like me are all terrible. It's bullshit," Remus added, and when Carina's eyes met his face, there were tears welling up. "I already feel like a danger to others on my own and I'm just so sick of people like Snivellus."

The sadness in his voice made Carina want to cry too. As she ran her own hands through Sirius's hair, Carina spoke.
"I'm sorry I brought it up on your birthday, love," Carina said, addressing Sirius. "I'm sorry to all of you. I shouldn't have asked, I should've just trusted you guys. I feel like I've ruined today."

"No, 'Rina," Remus said. "You had a right to ask. You were just concerned for us."
"And we should've told you about it before now," added James.
"If you had been there, I think it would've been solved a lot quicker," Peter piped up. He hadn't spoken much at all all evening, Carina realised, but he still looked as sad as the others about what had happened.

She felt bad for Peter. He was so overlooked in comparison to the others and even Carina herself did it sometimes. But she did truly love them all. All of her boys.

"Well, we can't possibly end Sirius's seventeenth birthday on a sad note," Carina says firmly. "How about we take this leftover alcohol and cake up to the roof and stay up to watch the sunrise? It'll only be a few hours now, it's already practically 2am."

The last few spells to finish tidying were cast and as they ran out the Kitchens and up through the Castle and into the cold night air; laughing, carrying on, and holding hands all together as they did so, Carina wondered whether she'd ever feel that same lightness in her heart ever again.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

A/N not me coming back to writing after like a solid month and a half in a writing slump? Definitely not
It's been a little while now, but it's still insane to me that we've got a 100K reads here now, it's incredible. I never even imagined I'd have a 100 so you guys sticking with me despite my awful updates makes me very happy. I won't be promising regular updates, but I'll try. Love you guys and thank you once again for 100K reads! X