Healing, Love, and High School

Chapter: Not me

I have her on my lap. I am trying to give her an answer to her question.

"Derek," she whispers, "I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Because my heart won't stop beating so freaking fast,"

"I-I need to, umm, think. I'm sorry for doing this, I know I got too excited," I say. She stands and helps me get on my feet.

I grab my cane. "How about we talk? Let me take you to dinner."

"Okay," she whispers.

"Bye Leslie,"

"Wait, you are not telling anyone this?"

"Nope, not yet,"

"I don't want to cause trouble,"

I touch her cheek. "You are not." I give her a faint smile and leave.

....

"What?" Claire is staring at me blankly. I invited her over my house. I need her help.

"I think there's something about Leslie that turns me on and I wanted to be with her."

She rubs her eyes. "I can't believe this!"

"I need you to help me. Has Leslie ever mention anything about me? Her thoughts or feelings towards me?"

She stands from the black office chair and walks towards me. I am on the corner of my bed. "Once, she said that you were sweet to her and you told her she looked pretty. She told me she felt her cheeks get pink and butterflies in her stomach."

"And does she think about me as cute or handsome?"

Claire rolls her eyes. "Oh Derek, you are trying to see if she likes you back to confess to her how you feel huh?"

"I just need to know what I'm feeling isn't just like sexual attraction. I don't want to hurt or lose Leslie."

Claire sits next to me. "I do think you guys have a good bond. She really does care about you and you seem to care as much about her."

"And I'm afraid we won't be friends after this," I say.

"Tell Florence first," Claire says. "Leslie likes honesty."

Unfortunately I have to do that. I don't want to loose Florence either. I love her. I think. Wait, no, I do. I would love to have her as my wife and the mother of my children.

"Have no idea what's going to happen," I say.

"But it should happen," Claire says.

...

Saturday

I am holding Florence's hand. We are walking around a park. She looks beatiful. She is wearing a v-neck white long white dress with her hair loose and straight.

"So, what did you want to say?" She asks.

I need to man up. She doesn't deserve to be lied to. I stop, take her hands and look at her. "I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's fine," she says.

"And well, something happened between-" my phone rings as well as Florence's. It's a text: FROM: MARVIN

HEY BARBEQUE PARTY AT 2PM AT MY HOUSE TILL THE COPS GET CALLED. COME ON OVER MR. POPULAR, EVERY SENIOR IS COMING AND MOST WANT TO HANG WITH YOU.

Florence chuckles, "We are totally going!"

"But I need-"

"Ssh, I will talk to your dad. We are going and I need to go get ready. Take me home," she says. She pulls me towards the car Lu is inside.