Powder [phan]

VII

WARNING: DEPRESSION, MENTION OF DAN'S SUICIDE ATTEMPT, ANGST

Phil's POV

Oliver was shocked. As if in a trance, I had been sitting on the stairs forever until I felt Oliver's hand on my shoulder. I had never seen Oliver so worried in my entire life. He had sat next to me. He had apologized, but I didn't know for what. I just shook my head, that absolutely nobody had to apologize for anything.

We went straight to the hospital, where the doctors told us they had to put Dan in an artificial coma. The doctors also told Oliver about the substances floating around in Daniel's body. I could never have imagined how bad it would be to be trapped in a waiting room with Oliver.

"You knew it?" He asked, shocked, irritated, angry. I had swallowed hard, ignored how my heart ached. I hadn't said anything what made him turn away in disbelief.

"You didn't tell me anything?" He asked and I understood why he was angry, but I was too. I was angry with myself, with him and with Dan. With every person who had anything to do with this fucking mess.

"What would you have done, huh?" I asked irritably.

"Put him in a clinic, Phil!"

"Exactly! You can't thread him like this, you have to talk to him. You can't just hand out instructions, Oliver." His eyes softened but were still stern. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I couldn't, he would have never forgiven me for that. I tried to help him, Oliver, I really tried."

Then he was already sitting next to me with his hand on my shoulder. We probably both agreed that it didn't matter that he didn't know about it.

Oliver had brought me to his house that day, stood by me, even though he was visibly done himself.

And for the next few days I had been sitting with Dan all the time, hoping that he would wake up sometime. Oliver took care of everything else and made sure that the media didn't know about it. If our fans found out, the world would probably down.

Dan's POV

When I woke up, I felt the soft fabric of the bed against my skin. Heard the monotonous beep that conveyed that I was still alive.

Fuck, I was still alive.

I slowly opened my eyes, was blinded by the sterile white. My eyes moved to the left, saw that there was an infusion in my arm. I swallowed hard, stared at my arm with my eyes. Everything was so bright.

"Daniel?" I suddenly heard a voice, turned my head to the right and then he sat there. Phil looked at me with wide eyes and it felt like someone was ramming a knife into my chest. He was here? With me?

And suddenly I remembered everything that had happened before I landed here in the hospital: our argument, what I had done in the bathroom, that I asked him not to call an ambulance. Still, he was sitting here. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I was feeling at that moment.

We stared at each other for ages until I tried to sit up, where he helped me a little because I didn't want to strain my left arm too much. When I was sitting halfway upright in bed, Phil looked at me indecisively until he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me into his arms.

I let it happen, let him press me closer to him, give me a bit of his warmth. I slowly put my arms around him too.

"Fuck Dan, I really thought you were going to die." I heard him say while he was still hugging me.

Only now did I realize what all of this meant. I almost died, I almost killed myself. I would have just left everything behind without even thinking about what it meant. Phil thought he would never see me again and our last fucking conversation would have been an argument.