Powder [phan]

XXX

Dan's POV

"Here we are." commented Oliver, when we arrived and all I had to do now was get out, ring the bell and run up to him. "Should I wait here?"

"No, no. I'll take the train back later. I think it'll take longer." I answered, to which he sighed deeply.

"You certainly have a lot to tell each other." he said meaningful, but instead of asking, I opened the passenger door.

"Thanks, Oliver. See you tomorrow?" I said goodbye.

"Yes, I'll pick you up."

We smiled at each other and I was glad we could still be casual with each other, but still I couldn't fully enjoy all this until I talked to Phil.

I slammed the car door, ran the little piece to the apartment building and pressed the bell next to Phil's name plate, while Oliver's car audibly started up behind me and drove away.

"Who's there?" came through the intercom and despite the distorted, electronic sound, I recognized his voice, which made my heart beat faster immediately.

Whatever I fooled myself into believing, I still loved him.

But that did not mean that everything I had planned to do was no longer realizable or not right. Phil might not have had to be the one, but he could be, couldn't he?

"It's me, Dan." I replied, and silence followed until the buzzer sounded.

I was climbing the stairs and suddenly I was incredibly excited, with each step more and more, until the excitement was brought to a head the moment I saw him. He stood in the doorway, holding it with one hand and the other rubbing his forehead as he stared at me with restless eyes.

"Holy shit, it's really you." he pushed out and lowered his arms.

I guess he hadn't really expected visitors, because he was wearing sweatpants and his star shirt.

He was finally standing right in front of me again and I didn't dare to move, because I thought I would die of a heart attack if I touched him.

Fuck, I loved him and my God, how could I ever love anyone else?

Inevitably I noticed how twelve months, during which I had beaten myself to the point that he didn't have to be the one, disappeared into thin air like mist.

It had to be him, nobody else and I suddenly felt so stupid that I really believed that therapy could have changed anything about it. It was much more so that just now, when thanks to it I was able to give him back some of what he had given me and just now when I was no longer the wreck that dragged him down with me, but I could actually be the one who could offer him the happiness he deserved, I wanted to be by his side a thousand times more.

Why should there be someone else for me when the person I owed the most to make him happy was right in front of me? When the person who knew me best, who was so close to me, and with whom I was so ready to reveal everything about myself to him, wasn't a meter away from me?

"Does that surprise you that much?" I finally reacted and smiled at him, while I still could see nothing but shock on his face. Wasn't he happy at all?

"No, I just didn't expect you to come here." he stammered and I landed hard on the ground of reality. How much could he have missed me if he didn't even expect me?

"If it doesn't suit you, I can leave. We can meet some other time." I suggested it, but Phil shook his head.

"No, it's fine. Of course it's fine, come on in." I accepted his offer, went through and stood in the spacious living room, which he had completely redecorated since I had last been here.