Portals To Another World

my past i paint behind prison bars

    Take out a brush and paint a beautiful scene
    The life you want, all layed out and made pretty
    The dark heart of your past sitting in the shadows
    Whining that you've forgotten it and
    Gently pulling on your sleeve to return to it
    But you take a pencil and add some cross hatching
    For now it'll do
    Like the iron bars in a prison cell
    But in a calming cardinal colour
    I feel like no one knows me
    Like they're all guessing
    It just hasn't hit me yet, I used to close my eyes
    And wish for a whole other life, one where I'm good
    I'm grown, I'm happy and I'm certain
    And known. For all of my life, a consistent friend I'm lacking
    My scene doesnt deal with pain, growing up knowing you'll lose
    And lose, and keep losing. Being told you will always lose
    And what did I do? I lost.
    But in this beautiful scene there is no losing
    I didn't deal with that toxicity for a year
    I didn't watch him fade away into ash for six years
    I didn't deal with pain everyday thinking it was the norm
    This beautiful scene I wish for so badly, I behold it all in your eyes