Perfect Imperfections

Chapter 18 - Losing My Mind

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Crashing, hit a wall
Right now I need a miracle
Hurry up now, I need a miracle
Stranded, reaching out
I call your name but you're not around
I say your name but you're not around

I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
I think I'm losing my mind now
It's in my head, darling I hope
That you'll be here, when I need you the most
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
Don't let me down

××××

I stumbled across the dance floor, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe.

You know I'm going back to New York tomorrow, Flora.

He had said those words without any hesitation as if he wasn't hurting the way that I was hurting. Was it really going to be that easy for him to leave me again? After the last few days, the last few conversations that we've had, was it possible for us to go our separate ways like two complete strangers?

I didn't want to think about us being in two different continents in less than forty-eight hours. I didn't give a fuck about the physical distance when it was the emotional distance between us which was always the hardest to overcome. Every other problem came in later, but first we had to be clear about what we felt for each other.

I wasn't leaving with so many unanswered questions this time. Not again. I had been living with the feeling of 'what if' since the day Evan left my life. I had been drowning in regrets, wondering what would've happened if I had just done things differently. This time, I wasn't going to wonder. I was going to put my heart on the line, even if it meant shattering it all over again.

I ran into someone, cursing underneath my breath. "I'm sorry," I muttered without looking up.

"Woah, are you okay, Ms Edwards?" It was the same couple I had seen talking to Evan. I quickly straightened up.

"Yes. Yes, I am. Sorry, my mind was elsewhere, I didn't see you there."

The lady laughed. "It's alright. Why are you alone? Where did Evan go?"

"Umm," I squinted my eyes, unsure about what she was getting at.

"Don't be so direct, Sam!" Her fiancé shook his head, but had a smile on his face. "Emily's excitement about you and Evan has passed onto Sam too. Don't mind her."

"Ofcourse it has! Em wanted to see him serious with a girl for so long! It's like a wedding gift for her. Oh, you have to tell us your story! We asked Evan too, but he kept saying you're just Em's wedding planner. Like we're going to buy that after how he kissed you at the rehearsal dinner! I didn't know he was going to be all shy about it later!"

Just Em's wedding planner? Was that all I was to him? My jaw clenched, I couldn't believe he lied to me before when I asked him what these people were talking to him about. I couldn't believe he made all those things up to hide the truth.

Hypocrite. You lied to him because you had feelings for him. He lied to you because he doesn't. This is exactly what you deserve.

"Would you please excuse me? There is something important I need to take care of."

I scrambled through the crowd, a millions thoughts and questions running through my mind. I couldn't start reaching my own conclusions without talking to him first. This is what destroyed us in the first place.