alluring {𝖌𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖗𝖎𝖛𝖎𝖆} WATTYS 2022

chapter twenty-one

"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things."

-Arthur Schopenhauer

AMELIA CHEWED NERVOUSLY ON HER THUMBNAIL AS GERALT WENT TO GET A ROOM. It had been a week since they left Cintra and since Amelia made things serious with Geralt. Jaskier looked at her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away from her mouth.

"If you want to lie to Geralt, Amelia, that's fine. I've lied to many lovers in my past, but you never lie to your friends." Jaskier was serious, which was a rare thing. "What happens once you return the scrolls?"

"I fall asleep." Amelia rasped, trying to blink tears away. "And I don't wake up."

"What?"

"You can't tell Geralt, Jask, this is the one thing I'm asking you to keep your big mouth shut about," Amelia begged. "No one knows about this part of the curse but me and I haven't breathed a single word of it to anyone."

"You need to tell him," Jaskier said, sternly. "When you're gone, I'm the only one who is going to pick up the pieces. It would be better if he knew now. He could prepare himself."

"How?" She asked, exasperated. "By pushing me away?"

"Maybe, that's what's best." Jaskier reasoned and that hit Amelia like a punch in the gut. "You have to think about Geralt." 

Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "God, I'm so selfish, Jask."

"No, you're human, Amelia. You love Geralt." Her friend's voice was gentle and kind. "I'll sleep somewhere else tonight, you do what you think is right."

As Geralt approached them, Jaskier's eye was caught by a woman and he floated away. Geralt smirked as he watched the bard go.

"He has the backbone of a pastry when it comes to women," he commented and Amelia smiled. Geralt always knew how to make her smile, even when she was dreading whatever came ahead.

"You've got jokes, witcher." She replied, hooking her arm in his. But he knew her too well. He knew something was off.

He guided Amelia to the room and shut the door behind them. They unpacked slightly until Geralt snaked his arms around Amelia's waist, hugging her from behind.

Amelia sighed and leaned back into Geralt's arms. He dipped his head down so his lips could graze her neck. "Should I distract you?"

"From what?" Amelia turned in Geralt's arms to look up at him.

"Whatever you and Jaskier were talking about as I paid for the inn." Geralt smirked. "Don't think I don't have my eyes on you at all times."

"I want to take you up on the offer, but Jaskier was right." Geralt raised a brow at her. "But first, kiss me."

Geralt obeyed, kissing her fully on the lips and cupping her face with his hands. Amelia smiled and relished in the kiss. It might be the last one she'll have from the witcher she adored so much.

"Why are you kissing me like it's the last time?" His eyes weren't angry or worried. His amber irises wandered over her face, then gazed deeply into her own.

"I have something to tell you and I know you won't like it."

"As long as you haven't slept with that god-awful bard--"

"Oh god, Geralt!" Amelia wrinkled her nose and laughed. "That's repulsive." 

"Amelia." Geralt grew serious again and she tore herself away from Geralt's arms, running both hands through her hair.

"Once I return the scrolls, I'll fall asleep." She blurted out, not knowing any other way to say it. "A deep sleep. And I won't wake up."

She saw Geralt's body tense at her words, but she just kept going.

"I was the only one who could see it on the Grand Old Tree where the curse was written, and I haven't breathed a word about it to anyone."  Amelia felt like she wanted to tear her hair out. "That's how I knew at a young age that this was my destiny. What I was bred for."

"Fuck." Geralt pinched his eyes shut and his fists balled at his sides.

"I didn't expect this to happen, Geralt." Amelia's voice wavered and Geralt's eyes snapped open. "My whole life, I was excited for that day. To be the ultimate sacrifice and life made things easier by never making me fall in love."

"Don't say it." Geralt growled, his eyes glaring at the floor.

"That is, until I met you. But life is cruel and it plays mean tricks. And I met you, and suddenly," she threw her hands up, laughing dryly. "I don't want to be the very thing that I was born to be."

"Fuck." He hissed again, turning his back to her. She wanted nothing more than to just run into Geralt's arms and seek comfort, but that ship had sailed.

"I was selfish, Geralt. I'm sorry." Her voice broke and her head hung.

"You knew this whole time you weren't coming back?" His voice was borderline poisonous. "All of that bullshit about sticking together, and how we would never sacrifice ourselves... you fucking knew?"

She lifted her head slightly. "Geralt, please."

"And when we met you said I would lead you to your destiny," He said the word mockingly. "You knew full well it was death?" His voice started to raise with every statement and Amelia's eyes threatened to well with tears. "You gave all your possessions to the children by the trail because you fucking knew you weren't going to live long enough to use any of your shit!"

Geralt grabbed a clay pitcher by the bed and threw it at the wall. It shattered loudly, but Amelia didn't jump.

"You urged me to stay with the Child Surprise." He growled, his burning eyes finally meeting hers. "You. Knew."

"I'm so sorry." Amelia's voice was barely above a whisper as she gathered her things.

"You let me fucking care about your idiotic, self-sacrificing, stupid bleeding heart." Geralt snapped and Amelia flinched at his words. Never had he been so mean and forceful. Tears streamed freely down her face as she stared at the witcher's back that she grew to so desperately love.

She left the room without another word.

Amelia found Jaskier in a nearby tavern, at this point she had been crying for what felt like hours. Her eyes felt scratchy and raw. 

As soon as Jaskier met his friend's eyes, he rose from the table, left the women behind, and wrapped his arms around the heartbroken girl.

"Oh, sweet Amelia," Jaskier patted her head as he held her tight. "The first heartbreaks are always the worse, no?"