LEMONADE | Ricky Bowen

44

RICHARD 'RICKY' BOWEN

I was in such a group of people I misplaced where everyone was and ended up losing Lennon.

I asked Ashlyn where she'd gone and she said something about packing up, so I decided to head for her dressing room in hope that I hadn't missed her and she wasn't just a distant memory.

I knocked on the door and she spun around, she had her backpack opened on the counter and things were sticking out all over the place.

"Hey there you are" I smiled and she laughed a little, leaning back on the counter to look at me "I was wondering where you went"

"Was just making sure I had everything I need, I'll be walking home so I'm just making the weight load easier to handle" she joked around and I shook my head.

"I'm sure we can sort that, Lenny, hey hold up" I said and finally she stopped frantically packing away things and actually gave me her full attention. "Are you okay?" I asked suddenly realising that she looked teary eyed.

"I just kinda don't want this to end" she admitted trying her best not to cry "like everything, all of it. As soon as I leave this building I'm back to having no family or place to hang...and that sucks"

"Hey you always have me" I tried to save giving her a wide smile and she gave me a sad one back, looking at the floor she questioned,

"Don't you and big read like have 3 months of video games to catch up on?" She jokes and I laughed a little but it kind of hurt.

She genuinely thought that I wasn't going to be there for her anymore.

"Can I ask you a question?" I blurted and she stood forward nervously she brought her thumb to her lip to chew it and nodded "why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you" she blurted out and I shook my head.

"Why DID you hate me?" I rephrased and she looked to the floor and back to me a few times. She stuttered a little and then finally began to speak.

"You did everything for me, Ricky, you and your family were saints. You'd feed me and give me a place to stay, you cleaned my wounds and helped me just... survive" she said.

I stood forward not quite sure where it was going to go, was I really going to find out why she hated me so much?

"You gave me everything and I was so grateful and I mean very envious. You had everything, your mom baked cookies and your dad loved football. And I- I had an empty house"

I wanted to reach out and pull her hand away from her mouth but I was frozen in my position.

"You and your house made me so happy. For god sake the stupid door was supposed to open up and lead straight to your arms"

She said showing me her palm which barely had the pen on it anymore due to the amount of times we'd held hands.

"You made me so happy that going home felt like hell. I couldn't even call it home because it wasn't home, YOU WERE HOME" she shouted.

Tears were starting to spill from her eyes and down her cheeks as she struggled to breath but she carried on,

"I hated feeling so goddamn low all the time, the drop from being so happy with you hurt, Ricky"

She wiped her tears on her sleeve and exhaled loudly.

"I thought that if I distanced and didn't see you as much I wouldn't be tempted to feel as happy. It's stupid I know, but if I felt low all the time then at least I'd be used to it"

She turned away sharply from me to wipe her tears and in one swift motion she zipped up her backpack.

"I loved you, Ricky, and I loved your family and loving people is scary" she paused and bounded towards the door before saying "especially when they don't love you back"