disconnected || calum hood

27 | Calum

If Elizabeth was the quiet after the storm, I would be dark skies and fragmented branches, carried away by the wind. I didn't deserve nice things because all I bring is destruction and anxiety and all I do is lie about everything - but sometimes, life had a way of surprising me. Every now and then, something wonderful would happen, and I would find myself caught off guard. It was in those moments that I would cautiously hope for something good to last, but deep down, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I wasn't good at saying "I love you," or well - signing it. So instead, I did it through the little notes I left around the house and making sure she's okay and happy. Actions have always carried more weight than words anyway. I don't think we were ready for the real 'I love you,' anyway - it was too soon. I would freak out and I was sure that she would too. I didn't like things going fast, I was new to this whole thing. 

We hadn't officially labeled ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend, a term that seemed a bit juvenile to us. At that moment, we were simply two individuals figuring things out together. Our relationship was still in a delicate state, particularly because of the weeks we'd spent ignoring and avoiding each other without any real justification.

It started with her ignoring me, and I still wasn't sure what I did that caused her to shut me out, but as I said; all I do is bring destruction. Her shutting me out was the worst feeling because at that time I started to notice that my feelings for her were stronger than I expected them to be, so that night when I was sitting in the kitchen and we both couldn't sleep - I did the thing I had been dreaming about for days; kiss her.

Well, I tried. I rather get punched in the nuts by Luke again rather than go through the heartache that overwhelmed me when she walked away.

Instead of acting like a mature adult and discussing our issues, I chose to respond in the same way she had, by shutting her out. I realized it wasn't the best solution, but it was the only approach I was accustomed to. Dating was a whole new experience for me, as I had always been accustomed to one-night stands with no emotional involvement.

When she arrived at Michael's party with Luke, I felt like I had lost all control. Out of all the people, she had chosen Luke. I drowned my feelings in alcohol, hoping to forget her, but it was impossible when she was right there, dancing near me, her revealing outfit making my thoughts race.

And then Luke brought her home the next morning and I just got so - so fucking mad. She didn't know that Luke was beating people up for a living, she didn't know how dangerous his life was, I did. I wanted to protect her from that life, getting to know the real Luke and the real Ashton and the real me, for god's sake. 

For once, I decided to be honest with her and share my feelings. It was surprisingly nice, and for a brief moment, I felt like I was living in a happy bubble. Leaving sticky notes, drawing on her door, and going on a real date with her, it all felt like a dream.

But that bubble burst sooner than I expected. It hadn't even officially started when my two worlds collided as we got out of the car.

Butch was one of those guys from the fight club you wouldn't want to encounter in a dark alley at night. He was massive and powerful, but not particularly fast. I had fought him once and had easily defeated him, which had tarnished his reputation. We weren't friends, but to be honest, nobody in the fight club were really friends anyway. When it came down to it, we'd all betray each other if our lives were on the line. No regrets.

couldn't know about what I did when I wasn't at home. It was far too dangerous for her, and I was determined to do everything in my power to shield her from it. However, everything fell apart the moment Butch spotted me with her at the restaurant.