disconnected || calum hood

30 | Calum

trigger warning for blood and fighting!

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Butch was relentless.

Once he had a target in his sights, there was no stopping him, and I found myself at a loss about how to proceed. If I conceded and allowed him to win, it would spell disaster for my reputation, and I shuddered to think about the beating he'd inflict upon me given his immense strength. However, if I resisted and gave my all to emerge victorious, I was well aware that Butch would turn his aggression toward Elizabeth.

One thing was crystal clear in my mind: I would go to any lengths to ensure her safety.

I know I was never the greatest and I was never near perfect. My hair was a mess. Dark under-eye circles, chapped lips, and lackluster skin I was covered in scars whether on my skin or on my heart .I was flawed, and these imperfections often affected my personality and moods. Then there was Liz—a radiant, beautiful woman with an amazing personality, full of life, and she shone like the sun. She embodied everything I was not, and it was hard to believe I deserved her.

All I did was lie to her. Let me assure you, lying to her was the most difficult thing I had ever done. If I had a choice, I'd tell her the truth, but I couldn't. It would be too dangerous for her to know, and she'd probably leave me the moment she realized I'd been deceiving her since the day she moved in.

I just needed to protect her, whatever the cost.

Every day, we grew closer, and I ensured that she understood how important she was to me. I cooked dinners, left sticky notes around, and constantly checked in to see if she was okay. I had been practicing diligently for the upcoming fight with Butch, and Ashton made sure I adhered to our training schedule every night. However, I kept Butch's threats a secret. If I were to confess to Ashton, Luke, or anyone else, they would undoubtedly report it to Jack. If Butch were disqualified, it would be like signing my own death warrant.

I laid down next to her a few nights ago, our first night of sleeping together. We didn't have sex, not yet. She wanted to take things slow and I was scared if I touched her she would break into a million pieces - as I observed her beneath the moonlight, her long eyelashes casting shadows and a gentle smile adorning her face as she clung to me, I was overwhelmed by fear. I was torn between letting her go and holding on tighter, so I opted to embrace her as if my life depended on it.

I recall her asking, "Are you okay?" and I found myself at a loss for words. In truth, my answer was both "yes" and "no." I was fine because I believed I was falling in love with her, but I was also terrified that it might be a genuine, profound emotion rather than a cruel trick my heart was playing on me. I didn't know if I would prefer to be in love with her but keep it a secret, or to never delve into those deep, warm emotions.

So, I simply nodded, releasing her briefly to sign, I'm fine, I promise, before embracing her once again. Because I was indeed fine, and it was all because of her.

I didn't know how much longer I would have her, and I felt lucky that she was still with me, unaware of the lies I had told her. But for now, we were okay. We were happy.

When I woke up on Saturday, anxiety coursed through me. I had to face Butch today in a fight. Every part of me wanted to cancel it, to stay home, but I couldn't. Thankfully, my match coincided with the weekend Liz had chosen to visit her parents in Boston. It brought me some comfort that no matter what happened tonight, Liz would be safe, far away.

I hoped that Butch's threats were just empty words meant to intimidate me, but I couldn't shake my fear of the worst-case scenario.

I got ready and caught a ride to the fight club with Ashton. We spent most of the day there, practicing and socializing with the others until the time for the fight arrived. One of the benefits of my "friendship" with Luke was that I had a connection with Jack, which meant we had access to the place at any time.