dynasty ~ anakin skywalker/darth vader (BOOK 1) ✔️

holding on

"I loved, and I loved, and I lost you, and it hurts like hell"

The air was hot. Hot and dry burning everything in sight even the soft skin of a young woman sitting on the sandy ground with her slender legs crossed. Her eyes were closed, and brows slightly furrowed in concentration that was not coming.

While her body looked calm and relaxed, her mind was in havoc. She was desperately searching for tranquillity and silence even though she knew that meditation was a useless attempt that will not help. It never helped, not since the dark times. Not since everything she knew came crashing down.

"It's useless." She whispered and stood up from the ground. Her not quite white robes were flowing in the wind that was doing nothing to help her cool down from the burning sensation of two Tatooine suns.

She used to be different two years ago when she was fighting to protect the galaxy. Fighting for peace that taught her to never give up. Today giving up was something she was used to. The lacking of motivation was a part of her daily routine which made her angry at herself and the whole world. But then she heard the silent whisper of a voice she could recognize anywhere. "The Jedi way it is not."

But does it really matter? The Jedi order is no more. The democracy, republic, and peace they were fighting for are no more. There's only empire, two Sith Lords, and violence left in the galaxy. She was not a Jedi anymore just another force-sensitive individual that has to hide her identity in order to save her life. But how long can she do that for, feeling her sanity slipping away each day? Every day is agony, the longer than the day before yet shorter than tomorrow. Meditation does not help her; she can't concentrate and if she somehow falls into the right state of mind it only brings one person, she can't afford to think about for it hurts too much.

Concealing her emotions is another way to spend her days. She has to be more careful now when her feelings are all over the place. Clinging to the light is the only way for her to not tumble right into the madness. The force is with me, she would whisper whenever she felt like she can't go on, I'm with the force.

At that moment the light would surround her and for a while, she would feel pure bliss, like everything is not lost yet. Like they have hope. She felt arms around her. Protective, strong arms of a man she dreamed of all of her life without even realizing it. Arms of a man that was hers for a short period of time and was gone as if he wasn't even there in the first place. But she knew he was. She remembered him as if it was yesterday when he held her on his chest, her cheek was pressed against his shoulder in black robes and his voice, so beautiful and gentle whenever he was talking to her, would tell her how much she meant to him. "Just ask and I will give you the whole universe." He would say making her laugh. She didn't want the universe, stars, gold, or any of that. She wanted him forever and he would always promise just that.

She believed him. Oh, how she believed that he would keep his promise. And how stupid she was. Nothing is forever and humans are way too destructible to even give such a promise. He was gone and she was still here suffering without his presence and hoping that whenever force will call on her, she will see him again.

Oh Anakin, we were so naïve, she thought but still sadly smiled because even though she had to learn how to live without him, she would never wish to not have him in her life. Even though she was not supposed to love him, even when she was breaking the Jedi code every time, they were together, she could never regret what they had. She couldn't make herself to regret him. He was her life and her light.

But he was gone, and everything was dark. Her heart, her mind, and the whole galaxy, which was under the influence and rule of two power-hungry Sith Lords. When the Jedi order stopped existing, for many people the hope vanished with them. After all, who will fight for the peace in the galaxy when almost every peacekeeper was now long gone, dead, or in hiding? She could tell that even the surviving Jedi lost hope. Each one in exile had to learn how to live with the guilt that was telling them, laughing at them, that they should foresee what was coming. That the darkness was approaching and was threatening everything they spent years building and they should have sensed something. 

But they can't change the past. The only thing they can focus on is to influence the future and hold on to the light that was slipping through their fingertips.

How can one see the light when it's slowly being extinguished? They could feel when another Jedi died. They can feel their pain, the torment they were going through in the last moments of their life. But they never felt fear. For a true Jedi does not fear death because through the force they will live forever.

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So? What do you say? This is my first book and also English is not my first language so bear with me but feel free to correct me. This is a short chapter because it's still an introduction.

Please tell me what you think and if you want me to continue.