Troubled ~ 》P.Lahote 《

ch.13

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Harley

You know there are many horrible ways to wake up, for me it  is waking up from my nightmares.

I have had the same dream as the previous night but this time, it wasn't just Jody that got hurt, it was Paul aswell.

I had woken up sweating and crying, but no screaming which I was thankful for so I hadn't woken anyone up.

I had now been awake for three hours , I was finding each night It was getting harder and harder to sleep and I  was getting less of it each night.

I often found when I wake up from nightmares it leaves me with anger and mixed emotions but tonight's one left me confused.

Why was Paul in my dream, And Paul himself was a whole other confusing topic.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to deal with my emotions because I was never taught how, with my parents it was always push your feeling back and ignore them, but with paul it's the total opposite.
I want to tell him every thing he makes me feel and not bottle it up. I want to tell him everything about me.

From my dream last night, the thought of him leaving or being killed because of me has me grinding my teeth. Just the meer thought makes me want to scream and cry till I can't breath and my lungs give out.

Deciding there is no better way to get through my thought then by running. I go running. As soon as the sun came up, I Got my stuff, changed and left the house.

I sprinted through the woods as fast as my legs would carry me. My scars burned with the memory of that night two years ago and the added death in the nightmare just made it unbearable. I was so emotional confused.

My whole life I have been told to keep in my emotions and not get attached and then I come here and everyone is so open and kind and loving and I don't know how to handle it.

I'm tired of putting up my guard twenty-four seven  but now it just seems like an instinct and I hated it. I didn't want to put up the constant tough girl act because inside I was breaking

I groaned in anger when I had to stop because my legs were going to give out if I continued.

Tears of frustration fell from my eyes but Soon tears of sadness. I wish I had been given an option of what life style I wanted to live and have the choice on how I wanted to live my life.

I flinched and grabbed my knife when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned so quickly I gave  myself whiplash.

I relaxed a little when I saw paul. Dropping my knife to my side and without my permissioni started crying again and my legs gave out and I tumbled to the floor.

I felt myself being picked up off the floor and carried by paul as I continued to cry. His warm embrace was extremely comforting to me and the safety his arm brought eased my nerves.

My head fell against his solid chest and my sobs slowed down. He moved me into a more comfortable position in his arm and I wrapped my arms around his neck to make it easier for him.

He hadn't said anything to me until I felt the icy wind coming off the sea. I hugged closer to him and he continued to walk with me still in his arms.

" what happened, why are you crying" he asked me wiping at my cheek. He had taken me to the cliffs again and had sat down on a Rock with me on his lap.

" I-I um.... " I cleared my throat thinking on what to tell him.

" you don't have to tell me just now, but we aren't leaving here till you do " he said as he cast his gaze out to the sea.

We sat in a comfortable silence as I picked through my thoughts in my head trying to think on what to tell him.

" I have had really bad nightmares since my friend was killed two years ago" I said looking down at my lap. I shivered as the wind picked up, I had decided this morning to wear a tank top. Which now I see was stupid.

Paul noticed I was cold and wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I sighed in content as he smiled. I then continued to talk.

" I think it is mostly out of guilt that I still get nightmares, I blamed myself for what happened to Jody" I shook my head and shut my eyes to prevent more tears from falling. Paul just sat there quietly listening to everything I said.

" everyone told me it wasn't my fault and that I couldn't do anything, which is true because I had been bitten twice" I showed him the bite mark on my wrist and he let out a slight growl, then showed him the one on my shoulder he traced it with his finger electricity ran throught out my skin at his touch he turned me before looking at me to continue.

" I wish I could have done something to help her, at the time I didn't know how to deal with the nightmares so my parents sent me to therapy but it never worked, that when I discovered running helped me. It helped me to clear my head and stay focused on what I need to do." I said looking at him.

" it's that why you have been running the past few days. " he questioned. I nodded my head.  I stayed quiet for a while before he spoke up again

" do you want to go back home or do you want to stay here with me " he asked me pulling away to look me in the eye.

I so badly wanted to say stay here with him for a while longer but I knew my brother would begin to worry if I wasn't back soon.

" I would like to go home, if that's ok" I asked him. He nodded picking me up again and started to walk back towards the clearwaters.

"You know, my legs work I can walk" I said, my sadness almost completely gone when I was with him .

he nodded " I know, but I like holding you in my arms " he stated as he started into my eyes.

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Rubbish way to end a chapter I know,  I know, I'm sorry
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