Falling (asleep) | Fred Weasley fanfic

Grieving Again

At last, it seemed to dawn on everyone, though nobody said it, that there was no point waiting in the yard any more, and in silence, we followed Mr. and Mrs. Weasley back into The Burrow, and into the living room, where Fred and George were laughing together.
„What's wrong?" said Fred, scanning my face, as we all entered. „What's happened? Who's –?"
„Uncle Moody," I said. „Dead."
The twins' grins turned to grimaces of shock. Nobody seemed to know what to do. Fred stood up and I sank into his chest and began crying, his hands holding me around my back. My whole body was aching Dora was crying silently into a handkerchief. She had been close to Mad-Eye, his favourite and his protégée at the Ministry of Magic. Bill walked over to the sideboard and pulled out a bottle of Firewhisky and some glasses.
„Here", he said, and with a wave of his wand, he sent full glasses soaring through the room to each of us, holding his aloft. „Mad-Eye."
„Mad-Eye," they all said and drank.
„Uncle — Moo — dy" I said trying to hold back the tears.
„Mad-Eye," echoed Hagrid, a little late, with a hiccough.

„So Mundungus disappeared?" said Remus, who had drained his own glass in one.
„I know what you're thinking," I said.
„Well, of course, you know. You read minds," said George.
„Ha-ha, George. Anyway, Remus, I wondered that too, on the way back here from my parents', because the Death Eaters seemed to have been expecting you, didn't they? But Mundungus can't have betrayed us."
„Exactly," said Bill. „They didn't know there would be seven Harrys, that confused them the moment we appeared, and in case you've forgotten, it was Mundungus who suggested that little bit of skullduggery. Why wouldn't he have told them the essential point? I think Dung panicked, it's as simple as that. He didn't want to come in the first place, but Mad-Eye made him, and You-Know-Who went straight for them: it was enough to make anyone panic."
„You-Know-Who acted exactly as Mad-Eye expected him to," sniffed Dora. „Mad-Eye said he'd expect the real Harry to be with the toughest, most skilled Aurors. He chased Mad-Eye first, and when Mundungus gave them away he switched to Kingsley..."
„Yes, and zat eez all very good," snapped Fleur, „but still eet does not explain 'ow zey knew we were moving 'Arry tonight, does eet? Somebody must 'ave been careless. Somebody let slip ze date to an outsider. Eet eez ze only explanation for zem knowing ze date but not ze 'ole plan." She glared around at us all, tear tracks still etched on her beautiful face, silently daring any of us to contradict her. Nobody did. The only sound to break the silence was that of Hagrid hiccoughing from behind his handkerchief.
„No," Harry said aloud, and we all looked at him, surprised. „I mean ... if somebody made a mistake," Harry went on, „and let something slip, I know they didn't mean to do it. It's not their fault", he repeated. „We've got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don't think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort."
„Well said, Harry," said Fred unexpectedly.
„Yeah, 'ear, 'ear," said George, with half a glance at Fred, the corner of whose mouth twitched.
Remus was wearing an odd expression as he looked at Harry: it was close to pitying.
„You think I'm a fool?" demanded Harry.
„No, I think you're like James," said Remus, „who would have regarded it as the height of dishonour to mistrust his friends. There's work to do. I can ask Kingsley whether — "
„No," said Bill at once, „I'll do it, I'll come."
„Where are you going?" said Dora and Fleur together.
„Mad-Eye's body," said Remus. „We need to recover it."
„Can't it –?" began Molly, with an appealing look at Bill.
„Wait?" said Bill. „Not unless you'd rather the Death Eaters took it?"
Nobody spoke. Remus and Bill said goodbye and left.

„I've got to go too," said Harry.
„Don't be stupid, Harry," I said.
„What are you talking about?" asked Molly.
„I can't stay here. You're all in danger while I'm here. I don't want –"
„But don't be so silly!" said Molly. „The whole point of tonight was to get you here safely, and thank goodness it worked. And Fleur's agreed to get married here rather than in France, we've arranged everything so that we can all stay together and look after you –"
„If Voldemort finds out I'm here –"
„But why should he?" asked Molly.
„There are a dozen places you might be now, Harry," I said. „He's got no way of knowing which safe house you're in."
„It's not me I'm worried for!" said Harry.
„We know that," said Mr. Weasley quietly. „But it would make our efforts tonight seem rather pointless if you left."
„Yer not goin' anywhere," growled Hagrid. „Blimey, Harry, after all, we wen' through ter get you here?"
„Yeah, what about my bleeding ear?" said George, hoisting himself up on his cushions.
„I know that –"
„Uncle Moody wouldn't want –" I began.
„I KNOW!" Harry bellowed.
We all stayed in silence for a few minutes. I was sitting on Fred's lap, my face resting on his shoulder while I cried about Uncle Moody. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to cry, he would have wanted me to be brave and strong. But how could I have been strong in that moment, if all I could feel was pain and grief and more pain?

„Wait 'til it gets out yeh did it again, Harry," said Hagrid. „Escaped him, fought him off when he was right on top of yeh!"
„It wasn't me," said Harry flatly. „It was my wand. My wand acted of its own accord."
After a few moments, Hermione said gently, „But that's impossible, Harry. You mean that you did magic without meaning to; you reacted instinctively."
„No," said Harry. „The bike was falling, I couldn't have told you where Voldemort was, but my wand spun in my hand and found him and shot a spell at him, and it wasn't even a spell I recognised. I've never made gold flames appear before."
„Often," said Mr. Weasley, „when you're in a pressured situation you can produce magic you never dreamed of. Small children often find before they're trained –"
„It wasn't like that," said Harry through gritted teeth. No one said anything. I got up and left the sitting room in the direction of the garden. I couldn't take it anymore. My knees were weak, I kneeled and put one hand on the grass and the other one on my chest.
„Kay, what's going on?" I heard Fred's voice asking from behind me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk. „Talk to me, please." I started sobbing loudly, mumbling Uncle Moody's name. Then, everything went black.