outerbanks imagines.

gone-jj

it all happened so quickly.
i'm not entirely sure when the souring of our night began.
but what i do remember is running.
running through the water with jj by my side,
listening to the exhales of our harmonious laughs and admiring one another's bright smiles impended on by each other.
when we were finally shoulder deep,
he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest.
this was bliss.
this was what life was all about.
i had set foot on this earth to seek peak euphoria,
and i had finally found it.
the moon reflected off the water and into his sparkling eyes.
i could see the same vigor in his eyes that were in mine and i had never felt so grateful to be mirrored by one.
"you know you'll be my love forever, right?"
it had been the first time jj ever whisper a sigh of love.
after so long of harmless flirting and caged enamor,
the vocal admittance had finally come.
"forever?"
i echoed,
placing my palms flat against his warm chest.
i could feel the racing of his heart beneath my grasp;
if only he knew my heart beat in the same rhythm as his.
"forever and a day. you won't ever have to worry about me leaving your side."
hearing such reassurance after both of our lives being led in abandonment seemed to be nourishment for the ravenous;
it was beautiful and true.
"i'm yours forever, jj."
he smiled and placed his lips to mine where we indulged into a kiss full of life and bottled fervor.
we stayed up for hours on the beach,
telling each other secrets and admitting how deeply in love we always had been with each other;
how blessed we felt to finally have a love so genuine.
jj would soon hold my hand as we walked home and whisper to me wild stories his imagination created.
it was a magical night,
though the word magical does not nearly do the night enough justice.
i knew i would spend the better half of my life remembering it to be played over again in my memory.
it remains a prominent thought in my mind and i will never escape it.
before we parted for the night,
we held each other close to soak in this rising delight and laid kisses onto each other so thick,
that i could still feel the weight of his lips to mine as i fell to a peaceful slumber.
then things turned grim.
the next day,
i went to search for him and begin another day of kindly doting on each other.
but my search came up empty.
though it was no surprise jj was nowhere to be found in town.
he often made trips outside of here to salvage his sanity;
it ran thin the longer one stayed in this town.
i thought nothing of it and fell asleep that night hoping he thought of me just as i thought of him.
though the next day began the same and ended the same until days had passed and my worry was growing.
jj seemingly disappeared which was unusual for the boy.
he always told at least one pogue of his departure,
but everyone here was clueless.
after everyone discussed jj's possible whereabouts,
i stood and slowly walked into the room he occupied at john b's house.
i pulled out my phone and for what felt like the millionth time and texted his number.

"wya?"

i leaned back on the pillows as it sent,
his clouded scent settling into my lungs.
i would wait eons in this spot for my love.
i was sure of it.
after moments passed and my head was beginning to spin from this overwhelming indulgence,
i sat up and texted yet again:

"jj?
no ones seen you since thursday.
where are you?"

nothing.
gone.
i felt my heart grow stricken at the thought of his abandonment.
though all signs pointed to that likely cause,
it didn't seem plausible to me.
jj promised.
and he carried out every promise he'd ever made.
something was wrong.
my heart climbed into my throat at the thought of every worse case scenario.
i decided that i could no longer sit idly by;
i'd have to confront the one person whom i despised the most.
i climbed out of the house and into my car,
driving to where jj and his dad lived.
i ran up to the front door,
letting my eyes search around for any sign of a living jj but i came up empty.
i took in a deep breath and hurriedly knocked on the front door.
his dad,
reeking of alcohol and depression,
suddenly stepped out into my view.
i couldn't stop my expression from curling into one of pure disgust.
how a gentle soul like jj could have come from a man like this...
i'd never know.
"well, it's nice to see you y/n."
"is your son here?"
i asked,
having little patience for his childishness.
"jj? nah. haven't seen him since friday morning. he was on some crazy rampage. gave me this,"
he explained,
pointing a finger towards his bruised and swelling eye.
my eyes widened as i suddenly realized jj and his father had gotten into a fist fight.
jj was always torn up and writhing in anger afterwards.
i couldn't even imagine what happened next without feeling sick.
"you probably deserved it,"
i spoke with a tone of acid.
then without a glance back,
i piled into my car and rested my head against the steering wheel.
think, y/n, think!
where could he be?
i remembered the time jj had frantically called me at four am,
cursing at the top of his lungs and overcome with saddened rage.
i had never seen him so hysterical until then.
i met him at the pier and held him until the sun began to rise,
introducing the next morning.
that had been only one defining point in our blossoming relationship.
i felt guilt suppress me as i came back to reality.
i had been so busy with work,
i had neglected jj.
maybe if i was there when he needed me,
we wouldn't be in this position right now.
when i found myself absentmindedly driving back to the pier we once shared together,
all i could think about was his well-being.
i vowed that if i ever saw him again,
i would promise to be there again and again until my mouth was sore.
i was soon climbing onto the pier and felt relief nearly bring me to my knees.
there he was:
standing up and looking over to the water,
a beer in his hand.
classic jj.
i couldn't stop myself from smiling at this.
"jj!"
i exclaimed as i now ran over to him,
wrapping my arms around him from behind.
"hey,"
he greeted softly,
laying his hands on top of mine to embrace me as best he could in this moment of surprise.
"i'm so sorry, my love. i should've been there. i'm sorry, jj, i'm so sorry-"
"hey, stop. you're fine. i'm okay,"
jj said as he turned around in my arms,
the bruises on his abdomen and face starting to color.
my eyes couldn't tear themselves off of it;
i felt succumbed in dread.
"oh, my god,"
i whispered as i carefully ran my hands down his chest.
the gentle brush of my fingertips against his aching chest made him lean back and close his eyes;
soft strokes to his skin after such abuse.
"i'm so sorry,"
i repeated,
bringing my trembling hands to mold around his face.
"stop apologizing. nothing i haven't been through before."
his hands fell against mine,
warming them up,
along with the best smile he could manage against his lips.
i could see the pain ringing in his eyes.
i pulled him closer and let him mollify in my embrace.
"you don't have to fake it anymore, jj. i'm here."
it seemed the moment i whispered those words,
his walls came tumbling down.
his grasp on me grew tighter and he soon began sobbing into my chest,
saying curses aimed towards his insolent father.
i let my hands run through his hair in a supportive manner,
and let him talk.
i never interrupted,
never asked questions.
i only held him and kissed his skin tenderly.
when he was finally exhausted from his burnt out anger,
he stood up slowly and threw me a lopsided smile.
"thank you for being here,"
jj said while lifting a hand to caress my cheek.
"of course. im always here."
we began to make trail to my house that was currently empty.
by the time we arrived,
his mood had improved tremendously.
we waltzed to my bedroom,
laughed loudly,
and fell into each other's arms repeatedly as if nothing had changed.
we soon laid in my bed,
where his tired head laid against my chest.
i felt my eyelids flutter to the sounds of his steady breathing and warming presence before a kiss laid itself to my collarbone.
i looked at jj to see him grinning up at me,
though the drowsiness in his eyes was clear.
"i love you,"
he said abruptly,
never letting his eyes leave mine.
"i love you too."
jj inched closer to share a kiss with me that felt long overdue.
i missed him more than i realized;
my anxiety was slowing ebbing away.
"why'd you disappear for so long?"
i asked in a quiet tone when he pulled back.
jj rubbed his tired eyes with his knuckles when he answered,
"needed to get out of town. i didn't mean to...to stay away that long. i meant what i said: i'll never leave your side. it just felt too soon to come back."
i let my fingers fan at the nape of his neck,
where they would soon begin to trace small circles.
"i understand. i was just worried. i thought you'd...been hurt or something."
the thought of my worry made the breath in my throat catch.
jj took notice of this and kissed my cheek.
"it won't happen again. believe me, i thought about you the whole time i was away."
"i'm sorry i wasn't there for you that night. it'll be my biggest regret."
"don't worry. i wasn't going to bother you anymore with my troubles."
"jj-"
"y/n,"
he said with raised eyebrows.
"i'm serious. you're here now. right?"
"right."
"then that's all that matters."
jj let the pad of his thumb caress the skin against my cheekbone before he continued saying,
"you're my best friend. i don't know what i'd do without you or your love."
"you'll never have to know."
i kissed his lips softly.
time seemed to slow whenever we came together.
i was smiling as wide as my lips would go,
mirroring the same eager look on his face.
he then fell back to lying against my chest to ease himself into well needed sleep.
before either of us drifted off,
i kissed his temple then said,
"next time just call me. please?"
"yes ma'am."