Bombshells ~ Complete

Chapter Sixty-One: Therapy

I knew I should've taken things slowly, but apparently going slow wasn't something I was very good at. That being said, I was in the middle of a therapy session with a woman who couldn't look at me with more pity if she tried.

I hated being pitied.

Sure, some horrible crap happened to me. But I had this amazing ability to compartmentalize. I wouldn't feel it if I didn't want to. But some people, who'd had worse done to them, didn't have the ability to compartmentalize. 

I could separate what was bad from what was good. I could nearly forget all the bad things that happened to me if people would stop bringing them back up.

"And how did this make you feel?" The woman asked patronizingly. I didn't bother to learn her name. I was just going to go home and ask Lila to get any other therapist in the world. I didn't even care if she spoke a different language.

Truth was, I could probably learn an entirely new language before I could learn to deal with this patronizing woman's questions. 

"I dunno. How do you think that being beaten half to death would make a toddler feel?" I asked, cocking my head at the shocked woman. She hadn't expected me to snap back like that. 

Well, she had been asking how certain events in my past had made me feel for the past hour and a half. Of course I was gonna snap. It was only a matter of time. 

I was so tired of people bringing up everything my dad did to me. Why did it matter? It didn't matter when no one knew. No one treated me like I was a broken doll, no one treated me like I was going to shatter into a million pieces if they said the wrong thing or looked at me for too long. 

Needless to say, I left that therapist without another patient. Lila wasn't pleased that I wanted a different therapist.

"She came highly recommended." Lila pointed out as we sat in the car. She changed lanes before looking at me fully. I shook my head.

"Whoever recommended her was an idiot. Please, Lila, just one more try? I'll stop complaining after that." I promised. Lila sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. 

I didn't want to go to therapy in the first place. I could handle my problems perfectly well on my own. Always had and always will. 

"It's not that I can't find you another one to go to. It's just that you're rejecting all of them at your first appointment. You won't even give them a chance." Lila said tiredly. I'm sorry going to therapy is so exhausting for her?

"Well, she sat there for an hour and a half asking me how being beat to shit made me feel. I figured, after a single visit, that she wasn't the therapist for me." I said sarcastically. Lila sighed again and guilt started to eat away at my chest.

I didn't mean to make things worse. I just wanted to get my point across. I'm sorry, Lila. I didn't mean to make your life harder for you.

"Ariel, these people know what their doing. You have to trust them." Lila mumbled, turning left at the light. I leaned my head back on the headrest and breathed deeply through my nose. Lila wasn't hearing what I was saying at all.

"Don't you remember the whole 'trust issues' deal I have going on?" I asked, my words dripping with sarcasm. Lila shook her head but continued to focus on the road. When we got home Lila left me sitting in the car.

I could tell that she was done. If she thought that living with a kid who had been abused was easy then she was in for the shock of her life. I had done my research. I knew exactly how hard it was going to be to find a good therapist in the city. Not many of them had much behind them except others recommendations. 

"You coming inside?" Kade asked, standing outside my window. I rolled my head towards him but didn't say anything. He opened the drivers side door and climbed in the seat. I arched an eyebrow at him in confusion.

Perhaps it was the frustration at the situation that was making me so confident. 

"No, I'm not okay so don't ask," I snapped. I sighed heavily. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so snappy." I apologized quickly. Kade shook his head, concern radiating off of him. I could see the worry swimming in his eyes.

"You're fine, Ari. Mom came in all grumpy so I figured that something happened at therapy today." He whispered. I didn't know why we were whispering. Kinda just felt like the thing to do at that moment. 

"She's mad at me because I don't like this therapist either." I mumbled, twisting my fingers. 

Good to know that some habits never die. 

"She wasn't the right fit, so you shouldn't see her. I know Ethan had to suffer through several of those simpering 'How did that make you feel' idiots. Maybe you should ask him where he goes and go from there." Kade suggested. I thought about it for a second and then decided that I should've done that right as we started talking about therapy.

"You're a genius." I told him with a blinding grin. I kissed him on the cheek and rushed inside. There was the familiar cacophony of people shouting across the room and talking about anything and everything. 

I stopped in the doorway. Why hadn't Kade told me that Peggy and Carter and Jake and Liam were over? I didn't feel like dealing with their pitying looks and pats on the head and them telling me everything would be alright.

I knew everything would be alright. I knew that it would just take time. I also knew that I didn't need people telling me that every second of the day. 

"Ariel, how're you holding up?" Peggy asked sympathetically. I wrinkled my nose at her words and pathetic look.

Why did she suddenly care about my wellbeing?

"I'm fine. What's going on here?" I asked. If this was some stupid type of intervention I was gonna leave and live in Canada. The people there were nicer, at least. 

"We were just worried about you. You wouldn't see us and we thought that if we came over..." Liam trailed off. I snorted, looking around at them all. The boys looked somewhat guilty but Lila was holding the perfect poker face.

"What? That I would suddenly want to see you? When someone goes through a traumatic event, sometimes the last thing they want is for people asking about said event and pretending to care. So, if you'll please excuse me." I snarled and then promptly threw myself up the stairs. 

When I fully flopped on my bed face-first, I allowed myself to groan. Loudly. 

I knew the people downstairs cared about me (Maybe not Peggy) and I just said that they didn't. Why was I so angry? Why was I such an idiot? 

Why couldn't I just have one day go perfectly normal?