Bombshells ~ Complete

Chapter Sixty-Two: Promises

Needless to say, dinner was awkward that night. No one said anything about my outburst, even though the guilt was eating away at me. I didn't mean to get snappy or anything, but I didn't want to see my 'friends' and everyone knew that. 

And then they invited them over. 

Gah, why was everything suddenly so complicated? 

I knew how to handle my father. I knew how to handle the secrets and the abuse and the knowing that I was never going to get away from it. This... This normal life that they wanted me to live all of a sudden, I didn't know how to deal with it.

No one seemed to understand that while my father was still behind bars, he was still putting me through hell. Nightmares, never ending fear, the constant need to know that he was firmly behind bars and had no way to reach me. 

On a more positive note, Ethan had his first big game of the season coming up. He was starting quarterback for the up-and-coming football season. The game was in a week. Ethan was freaking out. 

There was a knock on my door, later that night. It was Jaydon.

"Hi." He whispered, not wanting to break the peaceful silence I surrounded myself with. I moved over wordlessly so that he could sit on my bed with me. 

"Hey. Are they mad at me?" I asked. Jaydon shook his head. 

"Nah. They're concerned, angry at themselves for pushing you too far, but not mad." Jaydon explained softly. I was grateful for him understanding that I didn't want to talk about my snapping or the awkwardness. 

"I don't know what I'm doing." I confessed. Jaydon turned and looked at my fully, his eyebrows lowered. His head was slightly cocked, meaning he was trying to figure out what I meant. 

"What do you mean?" He asked. I shrugged, picking at the dead skin around my fingers. The skin was red and puffy from where I was constantly picking at it, but I didn't care to stop. It was a nasty habit, but it was a stupid way of coping with stress.

"I mean that I've been dreaming of having my dad out of my life. But now that he's out of my life, I don't know how to go on living. At least when he was around I knew what to expect. I don't want him back, by any means, but I don't know what to do." I sighed quietly, not fully understanding my own words.

Jaydon nodded. He stayed silent, which I was thankful for. I didn't need someone to understand me, or comfort me, or try to explain why I was feeling the way I was feeling. All I wanted was for someone to be there, sitting beside me. Letting me know that I wasn't completely alone in this huge world. 

Everyone said that the world wasn't as big as we think it is, but I thought the opposite. I thought that the world was bigger than anyone could imagine. 

"Hey, Ariel?" Jaydon started. I glanced at him quickly. 

"Yeah?" I asked. We were whispering for some reason. I didn't mind it. 

"Do you think you'll figure it out soon, because I have to pee." Jaydon mock whispered. I busted out laughing, almost to the point where tears were welling up in my eyes. It wasn't even that funny. 

It had just been so long before I could laugh like that. 

"I don't know how long this will take, so go ahead." I chuckled, gesturing at the door. Jaydon bolted out the room, leaving me laughing behind him. I was pretty sure that the theatrics were simply to make me laugh, but it was a nice thought. 

I knew life would get better eventually, it just wasn't what I thought it would be. I thought the second I didn't have to deal with my father anymore, I would feel this huge weight push off my chest. I thought I would feel protected and happy and carefree, but I didn't. I felt like I always did. Paralyzed with fear, unable to ask what was going to ask what was going to happen next.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jaydon asked, shocking me. I jumped at the sudden, if not expected, intrusion. I glanced down at my hands. 

Trembling fingers, pale hands flaked with white scars. 

A map was painted on my hands, showing off how much I'd been through in my life. I guessed that those stories were what made up my life. What made up me. 

"Someday." I answered softly. I wasn't sure if Jaydon even heard, but his nod told me he did. It would've been embarrassing to repeat myself. 

"Okay. Then, today can be a little bit better than yesterday. Tomorrow can be a little bit better than today. Baby steps, right?" Jaydon asked with a tiny grin. I nodded, grinning right back at him. 

Jaydon was my best friend. I wasn't trying to trash Kas's memory or anything like that, but it felt nice to have someone treat me normally. Like Kas always did. 

"I think... Even with knowing my father's behind bars, I'm still terrified of him." I breathed. Jaydon gazed down at me, unsure and anxious. 

"Just know that mom and I and all the other boys would never let him get to you." Jaydon whispered, bumping his shoulder against mine gently. I smiled tightly. 

I already knew that the boys would never let anyone hurt me, and yet people had hurt me. I knew that Lila would protect me, yet she couldn't protect me when it really counted. But that wasn't their fault. They were human, unable to believe that someone they trusted was a monster hiding in a normal man's skin.

"Promise?" I asked. Jaydon nodded, his hair falling into his eyes piece by piece. He flicked it out of his face without a second of hesitation. 

"Pinky promise." He held his pinky out towards me as he spoke. I hooked my pinky finger in his, and then let go. We both stayed silent, sitting side by side on my uber comfy bed. 

What I wouldn't have given for that promise to be kept. What I wouldn't have given for Jaydon to be right.

But promises are made to be broken.