How to love (A tsukkiyama fanfic)

Chapter ten | Tsukki pov

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I could've easily changed the situation but I didn't. I can easily change the situation now but instead I decide to sit here and wallow in self pity. Maybe Kuro was right.

I am childish.

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"Yama talk to me!" "I'm sorry!" "There's nothing to talk about Tsukki." "What you said was pretty clear." He looked at me, with  heart-break in his eyes, I could see the bags indicating sleepless nights. And I did this to him. Every thought and every bit of truth that his sorrow told, made my heart sink, and it was so heavy I went down too.  I am still surrounded by my ocean of lies. But now I'm drowning, and I forgot how to swim.

It was just yesterday when it happened.
Just yesterday I could have said just a few words and everything would be okay but I stayed silent while my best friend was walking away.

My best friend.

My beloved friend.

My beloved...

No, I'm wrong. It's just small admiration.

love may feel warm and fuzzy and I may feel warm and fuzzy around Yama.

And maybe around him I can't help but smile.

And maybe I've thought about what it would it would be like if we were more than friends.

And maybe I've wondered what it would be like if I loved him.

And maybe I don't have to wonder.

Because maybe, just maybe,

I'm in love with Yamaguchi Tadashi.

But I put that thought down so much that even I thought it wasn't true. But it is, and I was too childish to admit it, so now my best friend, my beloved, the only one who could teach me something I've never knew how to do, is gone. And won't even look at me in the eye for over two seconds and won't be near me for over one second.

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"Today we will be practicing with a partner everybody. It will be Suga and I, Asahi and Noya, Kageyama and Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima..." Daichi went on with the list but I didn't hear a word. This was either going to go great, I could tell him the truth about everything, or it would be just the oppisite.  Yama looked at me, I couldn't tell if he was infuriated, or miserable.

"Yama will you stop tossing it so aggressively and let me talk?!" "I've already told you, there is nothing to talk about." "Please Yama, I don't know how to prove it to you but I'm sorry!" "Well than say it." "Say what?" "Say you love me."

...

"Go on say it, say you love me!"

Just say it Kei, because that's the truth. You love him, this boy right in front of you is asking for the truth but you won't give it to him. Your going to lose him again so just say it. Tell him that you love him.

"Yama I'm sorry..." "That's what I thought."

He ran away and I chased him. I had to say it, I had to let him know. I grabbed his arm, I caused a scene but I couldn't care less, because I couldn't lose him, not even for just a day. He was my everything, and without him I am nothing.

"Yama-"

"Let go OF ME!

My grasp loosened and Yama stormed out. At this point everybody was staring at me. He was running while the tears were coming out of his eyes puddling around him. I tried to hold mine in so I didn't look pathetic but I lost my everything. There was nothing else I cared about, nothing else I had, so I let them fall.

I lost the one person, I could've ever loved.