i've found that recently all i can do is lay around.
my body overflows with pain and my mind with cloudiness.
yet no matter how much pain i feel physically, i feel nothing mentally.
mentally, i'm dead.
if i'm not talking to someone then it just continues to spiral out of control.
and so i just lay there, tears run down my face, falling onto the arm my head is laid upon.
i don't know who i can talk to about anything.
i mean of course i have friends but we don't ever talk about the depths of our emotions often, we just keep each other happy.
i should be grateful for the life i have but i can't help but just wish i was happy.
but i know that a small amount of happiness is always followed by something negative which lasts a while.
i just wish i felt something.
but i feel nothing but emptiness.
