KISS: Road Trip

Ch 23: We Need To Talk (Gene)

I stared up at the ceiling, mind spinning too much for me to even have a chance of sleeping. Shannon let out a sigh, resting her head on my chest. "Gene love what's wrong?" she murmured. I played with her hair, giving her a soft smile in the dark. "Shh, it's okay. Go to sleep, you need it." Shaking her head, she nestled closer against me, slipping an arm around my waist. "I can feel your heart racing. What's wrong?"

"It's just...Paul's furious at me and I understand why. I was wrong, I shouldn't have done what I did. And I'm not sure how to undo it," I whispered. "Talk to him. Sit down with him and apologize and explain why you did what you did and that you know you were wrong. He loves you Gene, you always talked about how you guys grew up together. He's just hurt, because you hurt him. Talk to him, it'll be okay."

I nodded, kissing her and closing my eyes. "Thanks dove," I murmured, finally dropping off to sleep.

Once I woke up I grabbed my phone, sending a quick text to Paul. Hey I gotta talk to you, u able to do that this morning?

Yeah sure just come to the motel we'll talk there

Ok cool sounds good see u in like half an hour?

Sure

"Damn, that's a dry conversation," I muttered, pulling on my shoes. "Hey honey I'll be back, I'm gonna meet up with Paul okay?" I shouted up the stairs. "Alright sounds good, see you in a bit, love you!" she replied. "Love you too!"

I met Paul in the courtyard area of the motel, watching as he sat at the opposite end of the bench from me, scowling. "What did you need to talk about?" he muttered.

My heart grew heavy and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Look, Paul I...I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have ignored you, that wasn't fair of me." There was a long silence before he stared at me. "Why did you?" he asked coldly.

"I...you guys were all pretty close toward each other in terms of where you went to college. You got together over breaks, you were able to hang out, you guys were having fun and...and I wasn't. I couldn't have fun, I had to focus on school, had to focus on making sure I kept straight A's and kept my scholarships and kept up with wrestling. And I couldn't see you guys either, couldn't hang out with you because I was halfway across the country. And I missed you guys, especially you, and I couldn't think about you guys because I was getting distracted so I just...cut you off," I mumbled.

A dark look passed through Paul's eyes and he scowled. "That hurt. I was scared, I thought something happened to you, that something was wrong, but then I found out your mom was still talking to my mom and it was you, it was your choice not to talk to me. And I didn't know why, I couldn't ask you why, because you wouldn't fucking talk to me!" he shouted.

I nodded, running  a hand through my hair. "I know. I'm sorry. It was messed up and I shouldn't have. It was selfish. Paul, I'm so, so sorry. If I could go back and undo that, if I could go back and...and prevent myself from ghosting you I would. And I know you're mad, you have every right to be! I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything, just folded his arms across his chest and scowled. "Paul, please, I'm really sorry. I know I hurt you, whatever I can do to make it up to you, please just let me know!" I begged. Finally, he turned to me, still scowling. "We were brothers. We grew up together, that's how it was supposed to be. We were going to share our lives with each other, we were going to--to be there for each other. But you weren't. You got married and you're having a kid and you didn't tell me about any of that."

My heart sank and I nodded, face turning crimson. "I--I know, I'm sorry, I didn't--" "And you know what?! You wanna know what really gets me?! You wouldn't have, either! You wouldn't have reached out to me, you wouldn't have told me about Shannon or Nick or any of that! You wouldn't have told me anything if I didn't drive across the whole fucking country to find you!" he shouted. My stomach twisted into knots. "Paul--"

"Just...just shut up. I don't want to talk to you right now," he said coldly, before rising to his feet and trying to walk away. I grabbed his arm, heart sinking even lower. "Paul, come on, don't be like this! I'm sorry, I really am, whatever I can do to make it up to you I will! I just want to be your friend again!" I cried.

"Would you have reached out?" he asked. "W-what?" "If I hadn't found you, would you have reached out? Would you have told me about Shannon or about you son? Would you have ever tried to be friends again?"

"I--" "Don't fucking bullshit me either. Would you have done it?!" "I don't know. I really don't, I'm sorry," I said quietly. "Dammit man! I loved you, we were so close our whole lives! But because you felt sad you thought that gave you the right to hurt all of us?! To hurt me?! If you had just told me, if you had just said 'hey Paul I get really sad when I see you guys having fun so I'm not going to talk to you as much right now I'm sorry' then that would've been fine! It still would've sucked but at least I would've had a reason! At least I would've known why and I wouldn't have had to blame myself for everything!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know you'd blame yourself, I didn't know it'd hurt you so much!" "Well why the fuck wouldn't it hurt me?! What, was I just supposed to forget about you?! The same way you forgot about me?! Sorry I fucking care about you!" he shouted. "Paul, Paul I'm so, so, sorry." "Sure you are. Just fuck off Gene, I really don't want to talk to you right now," he snarled, walking off. I jogged after him, falling into step beside him. "W-what do you want me to do to make it up to you?! Please man seriously, whatever you want me to do I'll do it!" I begged.

"Just leave me alone for now. When I want to talk to you, I'll talk to you," he spat, storming off. I tried not to cry as I watched him go. What hurt the most was knowing he was right. If he hadn't found me, I never would've spoken to him again.

And I had no reason for that.