Girl Meets Scars

Chapter 21 - Why Not?

Wowie that last chapter was w a c k
anyway, this chapter will be fairly uneventful.
TW⚠️: Suicidal thoughts and actions
Yepenjoyhah
-s
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Maya's POV
November 23

It's been 3 weeks since Riley's passed. I've attempted twice and haven't left my room since. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I haven't talked since that day. I've gone completely silent. I've cut all contact with everyone. I do nothing but cry and cut and cry. It's misery, without Riley. She was the one thing keeping me alive. Now that she's gone, there's no point in me living. She was my life.

"Maya," my mother said through the door, "please, honey. At least drink some water." I sighed, then pulled on my jacket to cover my scars. I opened the door and dragged myself toward the kitchen. "Hey, do you wanna go? To the funeral?" she asked gently. I shrugged. "You haven't left the house at all, Maya. Please," Katy begged. I shook my head and started down the hallway. "She wouldn't want to see you like this." I ignored her and closed my door.

Maya. I looked around in confusion. What the fuck? It's me. Riley? Please. Stop this. What do you mean?! Stop crying, and cutting. I'm in a better place now. Well, I'm not. I'm nothing without you: I know, Peaches. I'm sorry. It was supposed to be me. It HAD to be me. It was my job to protect everyone, and I failed. No. You didn't fail. You did everything you could. I didn't, Riles. Not enough to save you. It wasn't your fault. I could have saved you. MAYA. You did everything you could. I sighed to myself and placed my head in my hands. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I let the tears fall down my face and I gripped the blade next to me. Don't do it. Please. Stay sober. For me. That was our deal. "You got me," I laughed quietly. Maya, please. I know you miss me, but you need to move on. I want you to be happy, even when I'm not there. I can't be happy without you. Yes you can. How? My family. Memories. Friends. As long as you keep my memory alive, I will always be with you, I wish you were here. I know, Peaches. I'll always be with you. I'll try. For you, I'll stop, for you. Thank you Peaches. Remember, I'll always love you. Whether I'm with you or not. I love you Riles. Check on Auggs for me, will yah? Will do Honey.

I have to try. I HAVE to. Stop cutting. Stop crying. I stood up and walked over to my desk, scattered with tissues and crumpled drawings. I gotta clean this. I pulled my trash can out from under it, and threw the blade in. Time to start fresh. I brushed all the papers off of my desk into the trash and straightened the pencils and sketchbooks. I reorganized the markers and scraps. I'm proud of you. I smiled to myself before exiting my room.

My mother was sitting on the couch watching the news. I walked around the table and sat down next to her. "I'll go," I said bluntly. She looked to me in surprise. "Okay," she smiled. "It's tomorrow at 4." "Okay." I sighed. We sat in silence while the news played, until a familiar face showed on the screen. Lucas? "Everyone that lives in NYC, please keep a lookout for this girl," a picture of Missy popping up. "She is responsible for the death and injuries of myself, Isadorah Smackle, Farkle Minkus, Maya Hart, and Riley Matthews." "If you have any information in her whereabouts, contact the local authorities immediately," the broadcaster said. "Now, on to weather-" I clicked off the TV. "They still haven't found her?" I growled. "No, but we're doing everything we can."

"Can I go see Auggie?" I asked out of the blue. "Uh," she said confused, "sure!" "Thanks, I'll be back later." I stood up from the couch and made my way to my room to get ready.

I pulled off my "depression clothes" (which is really just a sweatshirt and swat pants), and put on some new clothes. I mean, it's just jeans and a t-shirt, but I'd a big improvement. Thank you Peaches. I'm doin it for you Riles. I grabbed my jacket off the floor and pulled it on, then put my phone into my pocket. "I'll see you later Mom," I said on my way out. "Bye hun."

Maybe I shouldn't do this. Why not? I don't think I can handle this just yet. Yes, you can Maya. I haven't done anything in weeks. I haven't looked at pictures, or visited your family, or anything. I couldn't stand to see anything that reminded me off you. Maybe that's a good thing. You promised to keep my memory alive. I sighed. You're right. I miss you. I know, Peaches. I readjusted my jacket on my way up the road. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. It shouldn't be this happy. Don't say that. My world is nothing without you. Maya, if you don't stop, I will give you an hour long lecture about how perfect you are. Oh god, never mind. Good. When you get there, give Auggie a big hug for me. I will.

Knock Knock! The door was unlocked, but no one opened it. I took that as my signal to come in, so I opened the door and closed it quietly. There was no one in the messy living room, but I heard the soft sound of a TV playing in the backroom. Where are they? I carefully tiptoed down the hallway and cracked open the door. On the bed sat Auggie, watching Mr. Googly. "Auggie." I whispered. He didn't notice, so I did it again. "Auggie." He looked around briefly before our eyes connected. They're so dull... "Hi," I smiled. "Hi, he said bluntly. I entered the room and plopped down next to him. "Where are your parents?" "Work." "Oh, okay," I said, plopping down next to him. We watched Mr.Googly for a few minutes before Auggie spoke. "I miss her," he sniffled. I wrapped him into a hug and sighed. "Me too bud."
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Fairly short chapter, but more to come!
Also,
ITS PRIDE MONTH! 🏳️‍🌈
Writing this book made me question my sexuality so much omg
I have come to a conclusion that I am, in fact, NOT straight.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
-s