The Periods of Being

Chapter XV

Chapter XV

     "I'm not going to dinner tonight."

      "Are you certain, Olive?" Julie asks as she watches Olive dress out of her day dress into her nightgown. Usually, Julie would've been the one to undress her, but since Julie isn't listening to Olive's request, she knew she'll have to do it herself to make the statement clear: she isn't going to dinner. "It might do you well to be with family. I understand today was hard for you, but you should—"

    "I don't want to hear what I should do, Julie." My thoughts are already eating me alive with things that I should and should've done, she wishes to add. "I know you wish the best, but this is the best for me right now." Olive stands with her decision. She crawls underneath the covers of her duvet, thinking that Julie will finally lead herself out of the room without another word, but Julie is a brilliant friend. Olive can't forget about that.

    "You need to eat at least. Should I grab a plate for you? I can tell them you're feeling ill?" She offers, but Olive still shakes her head no. She can't stomach the idea of her family worry about her further. She could go to dinner to solve the problem, but she would rather have them believe she just needed to go to bed early. She hides an eye roll by burying her face in her pillow as she realizes how stupid she must sound. She is surprised her conscience hasn't left her yet completely with all the nonsense thoughts running through her mind.

    She would've.

    "I can't. I just need to go to sleep," Olive mumbles into the pillow. Somehow, to her amazement, Julie hears her.

     "Then, at least let me bring you up some tea."

     Olive hears her lady's maid soft footsteps creep closer to her and then feels the covers her duvet being pulled up to reach her shoulders. Julie is tucking her in like a child rather than like a friend. She isn't sure how she should feel about this. All she feels is the empty void inside of her widen and stretch larger into her lungs and up to her heart.

     "How does that sound?" She hears Julie ask. Her face is still indented into the pillow. She is slowly losing air, but the sting in her lungs is better than the sting living behind her eyes. She should look up, to face Julie, but she stays silent as she feels light fingertips moving strands of her hair to the side, looking to find a face. "Olive?"

     "That'll be nice," she finally answers. She escapes from the pillow's suffocation to gaze toward Julie, who is leaning over the bed with sad eyes. There could be a better word to describe her eyes, but all Olive can see is sadness behind them.

    Julie moves the strands of hair blocking Olive's eyes. A gesture of love Olive hasn't seen since Freya stayed with her during her first night back. She closes her eyes shut to take in the feeling of being cared for. When Julie stops, Olive opens her eyes again.

    "I'll fetch it for you. What should I say to Mr. Delacery to tell your family?"

    "Just that I'm tired," she answers in a quick fashion. "I don't want them to worry."

    She watches as Julie nods, taking in the answer while she bites her lip.

    "Okay, if that's what you wish," she answers, and Olive nods. Her face rubs on the pillow as she does so. She stares up at Julie thinking she might turn away and leave now, but she doesn't. Instead, she parts her lips and asks:

    "Olive?"

    "Yes?" Olive gets herself ready to listen to more reasons why she should go to dinner by the change of facial expressions behind the eyes of Julie. Her eyes beg her in a way Olive isn't sure what they are asking for her to say— or even understand. Her own eyes beg for Julie to say what is on her mind.