The Periods of Being

Chapter XVIII

Chapter XVIII

     Before Julie left her room, Olive broke from her grudge and asked for her to do her hair. When Mr. Delacery announced Neil's arrival, her anxiety rose and made her wish that she was presentable for him and for the lawyer. It wasn't about respect as Julie thinks it is. It's about not wanting to make more of a fool of herself than she already has. Even in front of Julie.

    The events of this morning flood in when her hair is finally pinned. She shouldn't have released her pent-up anger on Julie. She didn't deserve it. However, a tiny voice tells her she did. She tried to make her smile by mentioning Mark. It was cruel and clearly calculated. Nevertheless, when Julie leaves without a goodbye or a good luck, which Olive desperately needs, she guesses she deserves that after her words of flames.

     She stares at herself in the mirror to gain the confidence to walk out and venture down the staircase to find Neil. She couldn't face him yet, though. Not with the purple bags under her eyes, and her deepened frown caused by Julie. She peers into her reflection more, leaning over the vanity and opens her eyes wider to see the busted veins from crying. The veins on the sides of her irises are faded pink. Her eyes are dry from all the tears she has cried over the last couple of days. If she left her hair down, her eyes and her pale complexion were going to make her feel foolish. But, if she had left her hair down, her hair could've hidden her face from viewers. Now, her face is present for Neil and the lawyer.

     I want to look like I'm mourning for my husband, not my dog, her words come back, haunting her. She looks like she is mourning for life itself by her lost, distant features.

     The butterfly pin sparkles on the vanity as the morning glow shines through the thin, white curtains. Her heart pounds at the sight of the lonely pin. Her fingers itch to reach for it and to pin it in her hair, but her hands make no attempt to move from her lap. She should leave the room and make her way downstairs, but she can't move. All she can do is move her eyes from her reflection to the pin and back to her reflection.

     Olive takes a deep, strong breath in to try to get herself to move out of her chair.

     Move, she coaches herself. Neil is waiting for you.

     She exhales and stands. She is to the door when her hand freezes in midway to the doorknob. The realization of her family— including Andrew— possibly at the entrance, or anywhere in particular, welcoming Neil hits her. After Andrew's confession the other day, the cold shoulder Freya gave to her last morning, and then the overshadowing disappointment behind her parents' eyes...The memories of them make her want to crawl back onto the floor of the bathroom. The cold tile will be warmer than their stares.

     But Neil is waiting for her.

     Her mind is fighting a losing battle of staying trapped in her room. There is no clear escape route to leave this all behind her.

     Her hand falls, unfrozen now, on the door handle and she pulls down, unlatching the door from its frame. Her heart beats in her chest with each small movement she makes and each step she takes out of the room. She lets the door fall back into the frame by itself as she walks down the hallway and then down the grand staircase, leading her to where she'll find Neil.

     He is alone with Mr. Delacery, who is trying to talk to him while Neil's focus is elsewhere.

     "I'll be taking the train back to Garthen after this. I apologize if I made it seem like I was staying, Mr. Delacery." His voice is drained, not like she remembered it to be the last time she saw him. But despite that, he looks just like how she remembers him. He stands tall like his father taught him to be, and his brown hair— matching Mark's— is kept in a style that looks as if he got the idea from a women's magazine, so proper and beautiful.