The Periods of Being

Chapter XXXXV

Chapter XXXXV

Olive tries to keep her emotions at bay in the drawing-room as she listens to Neil's day yesterday. Her hair is dried and pulled up again and she wears a new black dress for dinner. Julie spoke very little while she helped Olive get ready for dinner. The silence in her bedroom was unbearable, but as she listens to Neil speak about his day yesterday and his day today, she wants to cry to him and open her mind to him to have him give her reason for her longing for a new life.

    "It was lonely without you here. Last night, I almost thought I heard you come down to the library to see me," he chuckles at his memory.

    "I'm sorry that it wasn't me," she says, trying to make it seem like she is listening to him. She should be asking him why he was at the library since he goes down there when he can't sleep and when he thinks about Mark. But she doesn't. She sticks to her short sentence. He eyes for her a moment, and she believes that he sees through her, but he keeps his possible worries to himself.

     She wishes he would, though. It's a change from before, but now her mind screams with ask me how I am. She holds her tongue and listens to him explain how he took a walk this morning before the clouds rolled in and how he wishes she was there with him to see the newly bloomed flowers. His gentle voice and his vivid details make her wish that she'd been there with him instead of being with Freya today, looking at the flowers and laughing with him. How different her mood would've been if she left the whole phone call incident alone— or even kept Andrew out of her room both times.

    Mr. Sadder enters the room and Neil jumps up from his armchair in a quick fashion, making Olive slightly jump at his sudden movement. His excitement of seeing Mr. Sadder makes her wonder if he is just excited for food or excited to have a distraction away from having to talk to a dead-minded person like herself. She stands up with him to try to make it seem like he planned for them to stand together so she isn't sitting down alone.

     "Dinner is ready to be served, m'lord," he addresses to Neil.

     "Thank you," Neil says as he walks out of the drawing-room with her trailing behind him to make sure that she isn't left alone in the room with Mr. Sadder.

     She keeps her pace behind him and walks into the dining room once he does. The large round table is decorated with the finest silver and clothed in red. The display holds no amazement to her eyes despite its gorgeous display. It is simply another moment in her life where she is stuck in her mind rather than in the present. If she allowed herself to stop thinking about her decision in the bathtub, she wouldn't mark the display.

     She sits down in a chair right across from Neil. She watches as he unfolds his napkin and sets it down on his lap. She copies him. Even with the urge to throw up, she thanks the footmen that start going around with food on trays. She fills her plate with mashed potatoes, vegetables, and meat as Neil does the same.

      "It all smells incredible," he remarks to the footmen. They smile and nod at him as they go to stand behind them to set the trays of food back down.

      Olive's eyes train on Neil's stature. She watches as he picks up his fork and starts eating his meal. She should be doing the same, but she can't find the strength to lift her hand off of her lap. The food smiles wickedly up from her plate. Why did she fill it? Why did she even come down for dinner? Her head becomes heavy on her shoulders. She breaks the edict rules and sets her elbows down on the table to rest her head on the palms of her hands, trying to reclaim her body again from the heavy thoughts and decisions running around her mind.

    She hears the ting of Neil's fork on the plate and then feels a hand reaching out to touch her arm. She looks up, with visible tears in her eyes to find Neil staring at her. She didn't think he would notice. Why would she think such a thing? She isn't sure, but his eyes lock on to hers and before he could ask any questions of her strange behavior, she sits back in her chair and removes her elbows from the table.