The Periods of Being

Chapter XXXVIII

Chapter XXXVIII

Freya didn't delay with a reply as Olive thought she would. A reply is given to her by Mr. Sadder, in the morning, three days later. The sight of a letter in her hands makes her eyes water with the worry of Freya's reply and what could be found in the envelope. Neil opens his mail while she works with opening her own. She breathes out in relief that Neil is busy with his own because then his eyes won't be on her while she slips the letter from its grasp from the envelope.

    The letter is warm from the sun. She clasps her hands over the letter to feel its warmth in worry that the words written on the letter itself will not be as warm. She takes in a deep breath and unfolds the letter quickly, not wanting to waste any time. Her eyes read over the words. Her breath leaves her lungs and escapes through her lips at the sight of the request in front of her.

Dear Olive,

    Yes, I do believe it is time. I'll see you this Friday.

Your sister,

Freya.

    She reads the letter once, then twice, then three times. Her eyes cling on the hope in the letter but also the passive words of them. Freya, unlike her other letters, is quick to get to the point her words. It makes Olive wonder if she, too, discovered how hard it is to write emotions with the barrier of a pen. Her heart drops at the thought. If they both can't write down their feelings in pen, how were they going to express them when they are together in the same room?

    "Well, look at this, my cousin is going to America soon to stay with his mother for the season," she hears Neil say, but she says nothing as her eyes stare down at the letter in her hands. "What a lucky man. Isn't that fantastic?"

    She says nothing.

    "Is everything okay, Olive?"

    Her eyes detach from the letter and to Neil's wandering eyes. They are wide and curious. She catches them glancing down at the letter in her hands and then back at her. She nods without a thought.

    "I'll be going up to Blythestone manor this Friday to visit," she explains without looking up from the letter. She folds it to ensure that she will be the only one to ever read it and slips it back into its home in the envelope. She sets it down beside her plate of toast. To appear normal, she takes a bite of her toast.

    "For a visit?" He questions.

    She swallows her bite of toast before she answers.

    "Yes, for an overdue visit to my family."

     He smiles at the idea of the visit, not truly knowing what it entails. She keeps her mouth closed to makes sure she doesn't frown or smile at him, not wanting to give him any ideas of what this visit really is about.

    "It's been a while since we've seen them. Can I join?"

    "No!" She exclaims before she can catch herself. Neil eyes her, shock courses his slight lines on his face as she stares at him. "I'm sorry. It's just—"

     "You'll like to visit them alone." He finishes it for her. She frowns, her head drops in shame. If Neil came alongside her, he'll know for sure what is truly happening one way or another. She couldn't allow that, even when he said that he can have the past not define her and her relationship with him and the relationship that she shared with her husband. This visit is meant for her and Freya, no one else.

    "I'm sorry, Neil," she says to express her dismay to his sorrows. "Perhaps another time? It's just been too long since I've seen them." She explains to him and he smiles at her as if to assure her that he understands.

    "I understand. How long will you stay? Not too long, I hope."

    She shakes her head. She didn't think of how long she'll stay, but she knows that she doesn't want to stay long. This is her home, it always was in a way.

    "Of course not. I'll be back Sunday at the latest. Then we can share a huge feast together when I come back."

    He laughs at the thought of them having a huge feast for just the two of them. She finds herself laughing along with him despite the idea of being away from him for long. After their time that night in the library, their friendship grew more like a sibling relationship. She finds herself already missing him. Her heart aches at the feeling of missing someone. How long has it been since she missed someone other than Mark and her past-self? She holds her breath at the thought and lets it out slowly with a smile that stretches to her cheeks.

    "It's settled then. A huge feast when I come back unless you are tired then and just want to retire to the library when I arrive," she teases him of his age despite them being three years apart. He lets out another laugh and shakes his head in amusement.

    "I'm sure you'll be the one tired, m'lady," he teases back with a smirk. She rolls her eyes playfully and takes another bite out of her toast. Her eyes can't help themselves but glance over to the letter that is tucked safely in its envelope. Her hands shake slightly at it, her heart's teases rush away from her and leave nothing but worry and anxiety in its chamber.

    This Friday, she repeats in her head. It's too soon, but not fast enough.

    She doesn't know how to feel about the date, but she also doesn't know how to feel to the fact that Freya actually answered her letter. She never thought she would. There was a slim line of hope that she might, but she would've been surprised if she never heard another word for Freya, or even Andrew, again in her life due to the mistakes that she made throughout the years. She finds herself realizing that she didn't deserve Freya's reply. She munches on her toast at the sadness of the thought and tries to drown it with fresh coffee.

    She gulps it down hot. She masks the pain of a burnt tongue by stuffing her face with the last bite of her toast. She swallows it down in a haste, almost choking herself, and stands.

    "I should go talk to Julie about my visit so I can pack and get ready for then," she tells him without any worry that he won't understand her leaving breakfast earlier than normal. He nods and waves his hand at her as he swallows a sip of his coffee.

    "I understand, don't worry. I'll see you later." He smiles at her, so innocently and so pure that it makes it hard to bear the heavy thought that he thinks this trip is meant for her to catch up with her family. When, in reality, it's for her to patch-up her family. She sends a smile to him to try to hide the thought to herself. She succeeds.

    "I'll see you later," she sends back with a quick wave as she grasps the letter from the table and begins to leave. But then she turns around and smiles at him. "America sounds like fun. Tell your cousin that I'm jealous." She doesn't know why she says all this, but she knows it is because of the guilt of not listening to him earlier.

    "I will tell him that we are both jealous," he laughs. She sends a small smile back at him, and with nothing else to add, she turns back to the doors and leaves. Once the door is closed behind her, she rushes to her room with tears brimming the edges of her eyes. She wipes them away in attempts to catch herself before she falls in the wallowing hole of anxiety, but she falls before she can do so.

    Once she is in her room, she closes the door gently and rests her back against her, trying to hold onto her breath and retain her lungs from huffing and puffing from the running. Her head bows to her hand holding the letter. Her pale fingers blend with the white of the envelope. She wonders if her cheeks are the same shade of white. A shiver rushes down her spine as if there was a breeze of winter that escaped through the window. It isn't an imaginary chill that makes her shiver, it's the reality that she will be back behind the walls of Blythestone manor.