The Periods of Being

Chapter IXX

Chapter IXX

     Before Neil leaves, he promises he'll call her once he arrives back at Garthen. She tries to tell him it isn't necessary, but he insists. She tries to look at this as a way to look forward to something, but as the car drives away, she can't help but sit on the steps of the manor with her head in her palms, hoping to come up with an excuse to miss his call. She knows she should feel differently about him since he is the last tie to Mark (other than their aging mother and father), but she can't help but feel like she just became a burden to him.

     The sun beats down on her and on her bare neck as she sits there with no thoughts of her own but only the repetition of the conversation between the lawyer and then the heart-to-heart between Neil. Her eyes are drier than they have been in a while, leaving her no tears to weep under the bright sun. Her throat is raw from the sobs and her clothes are wrinkled by the prolonged hug with Neil. She sits up straight to try to fix it, but she already looks like a mess. Wrinkled clothes are the least of her worries, though.

     She takes in a deep breath and listens to the birds. Her head tilts to the sky and her eyes squint at the light blue sky. Clouds waltz together and she is overcome with deep emotion of how even the clouds have a soulmate. They are never alone. Why is she alone? She looks down at her arms that are tightly wrapped around her waist with a deep exhale. She isn't alone. She has Neil and her family, but at this moment, she can't see pass the idea of how she is actually alone and she is simply just a burden to everyone else. Her heart clenches at the thought and she is suddenly scared of the power her mind as over her.

    She descends down the steps, no longer wanting to wait for the car to pull back in. The car will come back with the coach empty. She should know this, but there is a deep fantasy in her heart that Neil will turn around and hug her and tell her he'll stay until the funeral. But she'll have to face the travel back to Garthen with her family. The trip will be long and her eyes are already collecting tears to cry during it.

     Her feet crash on the gravel as she reaches the end of the stairway. Her thoughts vanish as she walks to the edge of the manor and turns to go behind it, toward the gardens.

     A slight breeze casts over her and she stops by a bush of flowers she doesn't know the name of— she is sure Mark would have— and closes her eyes. She takes in a breath of the mixed fragrances of the flowers, plants, and the wind. She silently prayers for the wind to pick her up like a leaf and allow her to fly like she used to wish to do when she was little. Now, she wishes to fly again. Not like a bird, but like a butterfly.

     But she hasn't made her transformation yet. She is still a caterpillar, stuck on the ground, watching the others fly away.

     She opens her eyes and reaches out to touch the purple flowers in front of her with diligent fingertips. She strokes the color, hoping the color would stain her black gloves. She is so lost in her thoughts she doesn't realize she isn't alone. Until it is too late to run away.

     "It's a surprise to see you outside again." A man's voice pierces the wind. A bolt of energy rushes along her spine and causes her to stand up straight and leave her arms at her side. She turns toward the voice to find the last person she wants to speak to today— or ever. Andrew. He is wearing a black suit today, still in his mourning suit. His hair blows slightly in the wind as the wind tries to do the same with her pinned locks.

     She is speechless. He isn't, though.

     "I saw Neil and the lawyer left and wanted to see how you are doing. I hope today went well for you."

     She wants to ask him how he knew the will reading was today, but then she is reminded that nothing is ever kept a secret in manors. At least some secrets are kept behind tight-knit lips.