Guilt

Chapter 7

Saint's prov
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I woke up with a painful headache.My back hurts like hell. I hugged the body beside me tighter.My ass is burning .

"You smell nice ,you were rough last night, what's wrong" He didn't answer me.

"Are you going through something, your only rough when your off ,did you change your perfume and body wash,you smell nice but different" I smell him more.He chuckles ,his chuckles is different.

"You must miss him so much" I pulled  his arms and looked at the person .

"Perth...what...what are you doing here.We're nude,my ass burns like shit...did we...oh my God... Zee" I said shocked getting out of bed taking the sheet with me but I fell down.

"You can take a shower I'll prepare breakfast" He gets out of bed .Believe me when I say he is huge;I ain't comparing his with my Zee's but his huge.Oh my...what will I tell Zee.

He put on some cloths and walked out. I went into the bathroom slowly and took a shower. I saw blood and am like fuck he wrecked my ass.I cleaned up and put on his clothes and joined him at the kitchen.

"You took long,have your bleeding stopped,I kinda noticed you were bleeding ,stain on the sheets." He said looking at me and am looking else where.

"Uhm...am okay....you didn't rape me right" I ask him nervously taking a sit.He gives a thin smile.

"Technically I did because you were drunk ,am sorry " He says giving me a plate full of food."you need your energy "he did not look at me at all.

" Did I....did I give my consent "I looked at the plate then at him.He looked guilty.

" I haven't poison your food eat it ,you should eat before it gets cold "he sat down and starts eating .I ate in silence.

" you don't remember a thing about last night"he asked.

"Mmnh I don't.... Can we forget what happened" I lied I remember tiny bits of what happened. Fuck,how can I think he was my Zee ,I should have known, the touches, kisses,thrusting :all was different .I must have done that due to stress and alcohol.

"Zee,your boyfriend, is the only guy you have ever been with all your life" he asked scooping rice to his plate .

"Yeah... I only know him and I wasn't planning on knowing another one until I gave myself to you last night.....it shouldn't have happened am sorry" I said guiltly.

"It's okay,I was the one who raped you..am sorry...will you tell him" I don't really know if I can bring myself to tell him.

"I don't know ....I...he won't know if any of us don't say a thing to him right and you stay away from me" I said almost in tears.

"It's okay it's your business I won't get involved... Can you walk properly." He looks at me.

"Uhm...I used the wall to get here ,I almost couldn't make it" he laughs .

"So your the romantic cheesy type of guy .Your love life must be gentle and soft.... Your cute ...Zee is lucky" He stops eating and disappeared into the room then returned with painkiller pills .I took them and felt a little bit better.

"You can rest here for the day and head back home later,I need to go to the office and you can take some days off I don't mind..and...uhm....am sorry about your mom.....my condolences" He said and left.

I already missed her,I thought I was prepared to let her go but I wasn't. I need to explain things to Zee and her burial will be in a week time am sure he can make it and head back to work again.

A part of me is happy because her pain was lifted off her,she was really suffering. I will forever love her and miss her but her pains needed to end and being laid to rest was the only answer to her sickness.

...........
This chapter is light  but it really relates to my pain in a way.the last paragraph are my words of what I felt when I laid my mom to rest early last year due to kidney and heart failure.

She was a wonderful woman ,I really miss her,may she rest in harmony .I really did love her and I never really got the chance to say those words to all but am sure the little things I did to her said it all yet I feel guilt of not ever saying such beautiful and magical words " I love you "to her .

Am still in pain,a times I cry to night because there will never be a person like her .she was the best and that's why in the last chapter or anywhere else Pete keeps telling his mom his love for her,that was my way of telling my love that I valued and loved her and I still do.

I know she cant read this but "MOM I LOVE YOU".

Please always tell your dear ones how much you feel for them