A New Word (Going to rewrite)

Chapter 6.5 - Conduction

When the time comes for power to stand down, all are empowered to shake of their restraints. The loose shackles still remains and awaits for a new power to tighten it further. Solemn, glee, uncertainty, revenge, it wouldn't last long before all to rest to confusion. Without a power, there's only anarchy. Nothing to lead all to one great future or an unfortunate doom. Either or, no guidance remains beseech all a path leading all to scatter as their own individuals.

I like to think that all is well after being disengaged from the Cathedral. My people were happier than they ever could be, cheers and celebration soon I went missing. But their vengeance yet to dissipate. I understand.

In this world, blasphemy is unjustly against every who are taught to never lose faith. Onslaughts of hate, excommunicate, if you're not a believer you may as well lose your identity as a being with every privilege stripped off you. I knew this all too well yet I can't help myself. I just can't continue to look at a mirage expecting it to be real. I couldn't, I just couldn't. 

At that point, being the vessel of empowerment has only brought suffering onto myself. Deteriorating not only my own sanity, but the empowerment I bring to all. It was never the same every gospel I recite, every prayer all who follows, every ceremony commemorated. Sparks of the children and peace for all, the meaning is lost to me but not for all. Only their peace was the limiter to keep my sanity, I don't wish to break it for all. I was alone, winter after winter. I don't feel like I belong anymore. The only reason why I haven't left was because they needed someone to bring them their peace. So what I gave them was a pretence of what I thought a perfect descendent would be, and how grateful they were all. But it only bears more weight against my shoulders with each day it passes.

It all feels too recent to me. Clear in my memory goes beyond the vivid scene on the day I saw it happen. It looked exactly like her. The idol of worship, that my people had put their emotion, body and sacrifice their entire lives, desecrating the a small body. As the cries turns to a gargling, and then a choking, and then a silence, there tumbles limbs around her while the body twitched with every swift slice of the tool in her hand. Her hand crisscrossed in rapid motions, left and right, up and down, forward and backwards. Spurts and pieces flew all around until there lay only chunks that laid around the ground. Then a final thrust through the center deep down where her motions stopped immediately except for the shaken rage that slowly dispersed her. 

She turns her head, the glowing red surrounding her true black stared intensively back at me. I could feel it. I could feel the intent to harm was real. I took off, holding my breath the entire way onwards the gate. I could feel her chase behind me thinking nothing but to escape what may be the end of my life. I dare not turn around, my legs were crumbling. I reached the gate of safety with only my sanity disintegrated to dust. If one would to call it mercy, in no name I would swear that letting her catch me to end my life would be a more sensible mercy than what my life would become.

The works of worship that practically layers the interior of the house of worship, the different interpretations of the solid darkness she has that not a glimmer of light would refract upon her, her teachings to suffer happily and finding happiness in suffering are now coated in red. The years I've spent perfecting my worship has now become a constant reminder of being a witness in my divine going against her teachings and morals. I couldn't forget it. What am I suppose to believe in now?

When the time comes for Father to lay down his position as the Vessel upon me, I knew I would fail. No longer had I performed the rituals in my resting chamber nor had I any diligence in covering my body against the light anymore. I felt autonomous and tried my best to build a facade to keep all happy. Although I never liked the idea of letting all live in idea, I don't have a choice. All is connected through our shared faith and would only crumble in anarchy when the strongest and only line is snapped.