when all is said and done | e.d.

fourteen

harper

why the hell did i agree to something like this?

and who am i going to ask?

i don't have many guy friends. of course i have the people who work for me, but what am i supposed to say? 'hey, wanna pretend to be my boyfriend real quick? i'll give you a raise!'

it's even more dreadful when the only person i can think of to ask... is ethan.

i groan and take my spoon out of the ice cream pint, already knowing i'm going to regret eating dairy later on in the night. but i just couldn't help it. the double fudge brownie was screaming my name, and i couldn't resist.

with upmost regret, i open my phone and click on ethan's contact.

the phone rings for awhile, probably because he's sleeping. he better get over his little sickness before sunday, because i have no backup plan for this.

it's ethan or bust.

finally, after i have partially given up, he answers.

"hello?" he asks, his voice sounding gravely and tired.

it makes me wince. "hi, ethan. how're you doing?"

"i'm... okay? is there a specific reason you called me?"

"umm..." i stall, shoving another spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. "i may have a favor."

"oh."

"but seriously, what do you feel like?"

"horrible. i've been sleeping and throwing up all day."

"aw, i'm sorry. i know you don't like to be sick," i frown.

"it's fine. what about that favor?"

"when do you think you'll be over this sickness?" i ask casually.

"i don't know... maybe a couple days. and then 24 hours after i feel symptomless, i have to stay home. just in case. sorry, doctor's orders."

"that's fine," i rush it quickly. "but do you think you'll be okay for sunday?"

there's silence.

"what did you do, harper?"

i sigh, throwing my head back a little. "i got myself into a predicament with my mom. and i need your help."

"so i'm guessing i have no choice for this?"

"not a chance," i reply blandly.

"what do i have to do?" he asks.

"first, you have to get better. then, you have to come to a family reunion with me on sunday and pretend to be my boyfriend for just one afternoon," i rush out, and hold the phone away from my ear as i wait for his reply.

he simply groans. "harperrr..."

"i'm sorry!" i exclaim. "i panicked, and you're the only guy i know."

"the only one?"

"please, ethan," i beg. "i'll even pay you for it."

"you don't need to pay me... i'll do it. but i want a week's worth of extended vacation."

"done," i nod.

"fine. what's the date?"

"the fifteenth," i respond. "in champaign at around 1. we don't have to stay for very long, really. they just need to meet you, hug me, then we can leave. swear."

"the fifteenth?" he asks. "is... is it really that late into the month already?"

"i know! christmas is right around the corner. so, you're in?"

he's quiet for a moment. "yeah, that's fine."

"thank you so much, really."

"bye, harper."

"goodbye."

when he hangs up, i let out a long sigh. ethan does a lot for me, and lately i've been asking for even more.

i feel bad.

but even if ethan's my assistant, he's also my friend. i would do something like this for him, and i'd like to think he'd happy do it for me, too.

these past two weeks i've gotten to know ethan more than i have from the past four years.

am i a horrible person for that?

i debate the idea in my head until my neighbor comes to pick up ruby, and i can finally go to bed. i do my normal routine of brushing my teeth and face, laying out my outfit for the next morning, and even meal prepping my breakfast. two eggs on toast, always.

as i slip into my heavy duvet all alone, i can't help but feel a hole of loneliness in my stomach.

maybe my mom is right.

i need to get myself out there more and stop throwing myself into my work. i'm not getting any younger, and neither are the people around me.

it scares me that i'll eventually start a family and find someone i love.

i just can't picture myself with that life.

for a long time, i lay on my side and stare at the empty space in my bed next to me.

someone is going to sleep there one day.

hopefully, at least.

i don't want to be alone forever, regardless of what i tell all my friends and family.

having someone to love, who loves me just the same actually sounds... really nice.

instead of feeling sorry for myself any longer, i grab the extra pillow in my bed and hug it tightly to my chest.

successful people don't have time for self pity.

maybe if i tell myself that enough, i'll believe it.