when all is said and done | e.d.

forty-two

harper

he stood me up.

not on purpose of course, but i had just arrived at the restaurant when i got an urgent text saying that he was needed to assist a mild surgery that could be vital to starting his career.

me being the understanding and supportive girlfriend i am, i told him not to worry about it.

but it still kind of hurts.

i bite my bottom lip to keep my teeth from chattering as i sit on the cold, metal bench outside the restaurant we were supposed to meet at.

don't wear dresses in the winter. even if you have a coat. it will not keep you warm.

just as i'm about to get my phone out and ask where ethan is, his familiar black car pulls up on the curb. when he sees me, he rolls down the window.

i watch his lips part, and eyes widen. "get in here now. you have to be freezing."

ruby jumps up from the passenger seat, sticking her head out the window giddily. i aspire to be as happy as she is one day.

ethan holds her back as i slide in and immediately hold my hands up to the heater. he cranks the temperature up and points all the vents to me.

i feel like my eyelashes are icicles, and my hands and feet could probably be used as ice cubes.

"i'm sorry, but the car already left and you were the first person that popped into my mind that i could call and—"

"harper," ethan cuts me off, sending me a soft, but affirmative look. "i'm here whenever, seriously. well, me and ruby."

i laugh weakly, trying to stop the threaten of tears in my eyes. ethan must notice, because he tilts his head to the side, then down to meet my eyes that are pointed directly at the floor.

i'm embarrassed.

my own boyfriend stood me up and i called my assistant to come and get me. how sad of a life must that be to even happen?

"are you okay?" he asks softly. his voice is genuine.

and i want to say yes.

i want to be the strong harper that he knows only of.

but i'm not.

it's not even really the date thing— not entirely, at least. it's just the weight of this entire month crashing down on me. i'm not very good at dealing with my emotions, so i always push them to the side.

this causes a tsunami of tears once a month, when it should really be spaced out into a few rain showers every couple of weeks.

so to answer his question, i bite my lip and look out the window, afraid that if i look at him then all the tears will fall.

he puts the car into drive, and begins the ride home.

ruby lays in my lap and i stroke her soft, velvety fur. it's rare when she settles down, so i know she's comforting me and can sense that something is wrong.

as soon as we pull up to my brownstone, i scramble to harshly wipe my damp eyes and get out before ethan can.

i'm walking as briskly up the steps as i possibly can when a force jerks my arm back. it's not a big force, but enough to make me stop in my tracks.